When you receive a coin of any kind, deposit it at once in your pocket, without the needless preliminary of furling it in the air.
Never ask a gentleman how much he has a-year.
In speaking of a person of your own age, or of an elderly gentleman, do not say, Old So-and-So, but So-and-so, or Mr. So-and-so, as the case may be: and have no nicknames for each other. We were much horrified not long since, by hearing a great coarse fellow, in a leathern hat and fustian jacket, exclaim, turning round to his companion, “Now, then, come along, old Blokey!”
When you have got a cold in the head and weak eyes, do not go and call on young ladies.
Do not eat gravy with a knife, for fear those about you should suppose you to be going to commit suicide.
In offering to help a person at dinner, do not say, “Allow me to assist you.” When you ask people what wine they will take, never say, “What’ll you have?” or, “What’ll you do it in?”
If you are talking to a clergyman about another member of the clerical profession, adopt some other method of describing his avocation than that of saying, “I believe he is in your line.”
Do not recommend an omelet to a lady, as a good article.
Be cautious not to use the initial letter of a person’s surname, in mentioning or in addressing him. For instance, never think of saying, “Mrs. Hobbs, pray, how is Mr. H.?”
We here approach the conclusion of our labours. Young gentlemen, once more it is earnestly requested that you will give your careful attention to the rules and admonitions which have been above laid down for your guidance. We might have given a great many more; but we hope that the spirit of our instructions will enable the diligent youth to supply, by observation and reflection, that which, for obvious reasons, we have necessarily left unsaid. And now we bid you farewell. That you may never have the misfortune of entering, with splashed boots, a drawing-room full of ladies; that you may never, having been engaged in a brawl on the previous evening, meet, with a black eye, the object of your affections the next morning; that you may never, in a moment of agitation, omit the aspirate, or use it when you ought not; that your laundress may always do justice to your linen; and your tailor make your clothes well, and send them home in due time; that your braces may never give way during a waltz; that you may never, sitting in a strong light at a large dinner-party, suddenly remember that you have not shaved for two days; that your hands and face may ever be free from tan, chaps, freckles, pimples, brandy-blossoms, and all other disfigurements; that you may never be either inelegantly fat, or ridiculously lean; and finally, that you may always have plenty to eat, plenty to drink, and plenty to laugh at, we earnestly and sincerely wish. And should your lot in life be other than fortunate, we can only say, that we advise you to bear it with patience; to cultivate Comic Philosophy; and to look upon your troubles as a joke.