THE FIRST TIME
My legs are moving to and fro
I feel like a balloon;
How my head swims, first time I go
To boss the damn platoon.
My throat and mouth are full of paste
There's nothing in my hat;
My belt is winding round my waist
But where's my stomach at?
ONWARD CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
Our Christian Science Battery
Without a gun or horse,
Is just a simple oversight,
That will be changed, of course.
But while we're waiting patiently,
And longing for the day,
They have a funny little game
They make us fellows play.
Bill Hallstead simulates the gun
He's sort of short and fat
And doesn't look much like a gun,
But he's pretty good at that.
And they've elected me a horse,
Off-horse of the wheel pair;
I tie a white cloth on my arm
So they can see I'm there.
Then when the battery is formed
With each man in his place,
They line the "pieces" in a row
Just like a chariot race.
Bill Barnum's "Greatest Show on Earth"
Has not a thing on us;
We tear around the old parade
And kick up clouds of dust.
For it's gallop all the morning long,
They never let us walk.
Why, it gets so realistic
That I whinney when I talk.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised
If I should hear some day
That instead of mess they'd issue us
That 14 lbs. of hay.
And so I'm looking for the man
The one who said to me:
"You don't want to be a 'doughboy,'
Go and join the battery."
