The Gist of Japan: The Islands, Their People, and Missions

by R. B. Peery

The latter is certainly the more sensible method, because what the postmaster wants to see is not the name of the man to whom the letter is addressed, but the place to which it is to go.

In matters of dress there are some customs quite opposed to our own. The American lady, especially if she goes to a ball, has her neck and arms bare, but she would be shocked at the very mention of having her feet bare. The Japanese lady puts her heaviest clothing on her arms and shoulders, but does not at all mind being seen with bare feet and ankles. Many of the ladies do not wear any foot-gear at all in the house, but these same women could hardly be induced to expose their arms and necks as Western women do.

A Western lady is very anxious to have a thin, narrow waist; her Japanese sister wants a broad one. In the West curly hair is highly prized on girls and women; in the East it is considered an abomination. If you tell a little girl here that her hair is curly, she will consider it a disgrace and will cry bitterly. The most striking difference in regard to dress, however, is in mourning dress. Whereas in the West it is always black, in Japan it is always white.

Another remarkable contrast is found in the relation of the sexes. In America the woman is given the precedence in everything. Her husband, and all other men who come within her influence, must serve and honor her. Attend an evening party and see woman in her glory. How the men crowd round her, anxious to serve or entertain! When supper is announced they vie with one another for the honor of escorting her to the dining-room. She must have first seat at table and be first served, and during the progress of the meal the men must be careful to see that she has everything her sweet will desires. When supper is over the ladies precede the men to the drawing-room, and by the time the men again appear on the scene the ladies, including the hostess, are settled in the easiest chairs. When the time for departure has come it is my lady who announces to the hostess—not the host—her departure, and her husband or escort simply awaits her bidding. In Japan all of this is changed. The man takes precedence everywhere, and the woman must serve him. At meals the woman must first wait on her husband and then she herself may eat. When, guests come, the husband is the chief entertainer, and the wife takes a back seat and says little. On passing through a door, entering a train or carriage, etc., the husband always precedes his wife. When walking on the street together she does not walk by his side, but comes along behind. The men do not intend to mistreat the women; they simply take what they regard their due as the head of the family.

Among the customs most peculiar in the eyes of Westerners and most squarely opposed to their own are those relating to marriage. In Japan the young man and woman have nothing whatever to do with the match-making, except to give their consent to the arrangements of their parents; and frequently even this is not asked. The wedding is arranged in some such manner as this: Whenever the parents of a young man think their son old enough to get married they secure the services of some friend, who acts as "go-between." It is the duty of this party to search out a suitable girl and win the consent of her parents to the marriage. While this is going on it is not likely that either of the young people is aware of it, but as soon as the parents have arranged matters to their own satisfaction they are informed. It often happens that the man has never seen his bride until the wedding-day. Young people seldom object to the arrangements of their parents, and marriages made in this way seem to work well.

In the West the wedding often takes place in church; in Japan the temples are studiously avoided at such times. There a minister is nearly always present; here they are very careful to exclude priests. The wedding is to be joyous, and as priests are known best as officiators at funerals, and ideas of sadness and misfortune are associated with them, they are excluded.

In the West, if the wedding does not take place in church, it will probably be held in the home of the bride; in the East it is always held in the home of the groom. There the bride's household prepares the feast; here the groom's prepares it. There the groom must go to fetch his bride; here she must come to him. It makes no difference whether she lives in the same city or in a distant province; she must go to the groom, not he to her.

The poor mother-in-law is evil spoken of in the East as well as in the West; but while there it is the mother of the bride who is said to make life miserable for the groom, here it is the mother of the groom who often makes life miserable for the bride.

Customs in regard to the use of houses are quite different. In America the front rooms of a house are considered most desirable; in Japan the back rooms are preferred. There the parlors, sitting-rooms, etc., are in front, and the kitchen and store-rooms are relegated to the back; here the kitchen and store-rooms are in front, and the parlors and sitting-rooms behind. There the front yards are kept clean, but the back yards are proverbially dirty; here all sorts of dirt and trash may be lying around in the front yard, while the back yard is a perfect little garden of beauty.

Signs made with the hands are very different in Japan from those to which my readers are accustomed, and are much more graceful. Here, when we call some one to us by the hand, instead of the awkward, ungainly motion of the index-finger used in the West, we simply hold out the whole hand horizontally in front of us and gently move all the fingers up and down. The latter motion is very graceful, while even a pretty girl cannot execute the former one gracefully. Here, when we refuse a request or repel one from us by a sign of the hand, instead of turning the palm of the hand outward and pushing it from the body in a rough, uncivil manner, we merely hold the hand perpendicularly before the face, palm outward, and move it back and forth a few times.