In as far as love rests upon sensual desire, it is only conceivable in a normal way as existing between individuals of opposite sex and capable of sexual intercourse. If these conditions are wanting or destroyed, then, in the place of love, comes friendship.
The rôle which the retention of sexual functions plays in the case of a man, both in originating and retaining the feeling of self-respect, is remarkable. In the deterioration of manliness and self-confidence which the onanist, in his weakened nervous state, and the man that has become impotent, present, may be estimated the significance of this factor.
Gyurkovechky (männl. Impotenz. Vienna, 1889) says, very justly, that old and young men essentially differ mentally, on account of the condition of their virility, and that impotence has a detrimental effect upon the feeling of well-being, mental freshness, activity, self-confidence, and the play of fancy. This loss becomes the more important the younger a man is when he loses his virility and the more sensually he was constituted.
Under such circumstances a sudden loss of virility may induce severe melancholia, and even lead to suicide. For such natures life without love is unbearable.
But, also, in cases where the reaction is not so deep, the man bereft of his virility is morose and spiteful, egotistic, jealous, contrary, listless, has but little self-respect or sense of honor, and is cowardly. Analogies are seen in the Skopzens,[[15]] who, after their castration, change for the worse.
The loss of virility is still more noticeable in certain weakly constituted individuals, where it expresses itself in formal effemination (v. infra).
In a woman who has become a matron the condition is of much less importance psychologically, though it is noticeable. If the past period of sexual life has been satisfactory, if children delight the heart of the aging mother, then she is scarcely conscious of the change of her personality.
The situation is different, however, where sterility or circumstances have kept a woman from the performance of her natural functions and denied her that happiness.
These facts place in a clear light the differences which exist between man and woman in the psychology of the sexual life, and in all the sexual functions and desires.
Undoubtedly man has a much more intense sexual appetite than woman. As a result of a powerful natural instinct, at a certain age, a man is drawn toward a woman. He loves sensually, and is influenced in his choice by physical beauty. In accordance with the nature of this powerful impulse, he is aggressive and violent in his wooing. At the same time, this demand of nature does not constitute all of his mental existence. When his longing is satisfied, love temporarily retreats behind other vital and social interests.