With a woman it is quite otherwise. If she is normally developed mentally, and well bred, her sexual desire is small. If this were not so the whole world would become a brothel and marriage and a family impossible. It is certain that the man that avoids women and the woman that seeks men are abnormal.
Woman is wooed for her favor. She remains passive. This lies in her sexual organization, and is not founded merely on the dictates of good breeding.
Nevertheless, the sexual sphere occupies a much larger place in the consciousness of woman than in that of man. The need of love in her is greater than in man, and is continual, not intermittent; but this love is rather more spiritual than sensual. While a man loves a woman first as wife and then as mother of his children, a woman is primarily conscious of a man as the father of her children and then as husband. In the choice of a life-companion a woman is influenced much more by the mental than the physical qualities of a man. When she has become a mother she divides her love between child and husband. Sensuality disappears in the mother’s love. Thereafter, in marital intercourse, the wife finds less sensual satisfaction than proof of the love of her husband.
A woman loves with her whole soul. To her love is life; to a man it is the joy of life. To him misfortune in love is a wound; but it costs a woman her life, or at least her happiness. A psychological question worthy of consideration is whether a woman can truly love twice in her life. Certainly the mental inclination of woman is monogamous, while in man it is polygamous.
The weakness of men in comparison with women lies in the great intensity of their sexual desires. Man becomes dependent upon woman, and the more, the weaker and more sensual he becomes; and this just in proportion as he becomes neuropathic. Thus may be understood the fact that, in times of effeminateness and luxury, sensuality flourishes luxuriantly. Then arises the danger to society that mistresses and their dependents may rule the state and compass its ruin (the mistresses of the courts of Louis XIV and XV; the prostitutes of ancient Greece).
The biographies of many statesmen of ancient and modern times show that they were the instruments of women, owing to their great sensuality, which had its foundation in their neuropathic constitutions. The fact that the Catholic Church enjoins celibacy upon its priests, in order to emancipate them from sensuality and preserve them entirely for the purpose of their calling, is an example of discerning psychological knowledge of mankind; but it is unfortunate that the priests, living in celibacy, lose the elevating effect which love and matrimony exert upon the development of character.
From the fact that man by nature plays the aggressive rôle in sexual life, he is in danger of overstepping the limits which morality and law have set. The unfaithfulness of a wife, in comparison with that of a husband, is morally much more weighty, and should be more severely punished legally. The unfaithful wife dishonors not only herself, but also her husband and her family, not to speak of the possibility of pater incertus. Natural instinct and social position favor unfaithfulness on the part of a husband, while the wife is afforded much protection. In the case of an unmarried woman, sexual intercourse is something quite different from what it is in an unmarried man. Of a single man society demands decency; of a woman, also chastity. In the cultivated social life of to-day, woman, occupying a sexual position and concerning herself in the interests of society, can only be thought of as a wife.
The aim and ideal of woman, even when she is sunken in the mire of vice, is, and remains, marriage. Woman, as Mantegazza justly remarks, desires not only satisfaction of her sexual feeling, but also protection and support for herself and her children. A man of right feeling, no matter how sensual he may be, demands a wife that has been, and is, chaste. The emblem and ornament of a woman seeking this, her only worthy purpose in life, is modesty. Mantegazza finely characterizes modesty as “one of the forms of psychical self-respect” in woman. This is not the place for anthropological and historical consideration of this, the most beautiful attribute of woman. Probably, feminine modesty is an hereditarily evolved product of the development of civilization.[[16]]
In remarkable contrast with it, there is occasional exposition of physical charms, conventionally sanctioned by the law of fashion, in which even the most discreet maiden allows herself to indulge in the ball-room. The reasons which lead to this display are evident. Fortunately the modest girl is as little conscious of them as of the reason for the occasionally recurring mode of making certain portions of the body more prominent (panniers); to say nothing of corsets, etc.
In all times, and among all races, women show a desire to adorn themselves and be charming.[[17]] In the animal kingdom nature has distinguished the male with the greater beauty. Men designate women as the beautiful sex. This gallantry clearly arises from the sensual desire of men. As long as this personal adornment has a purpose only in itself, or the true psychological reason of the desire to please remains unknown to the woman, nothing can be said against it. When it is done with knowledge, the effort is called flirting.