‘I see! I see!’
‘The final charge, sir, is, “‘Swanking it’ in Glasgow.” He had a maple-leaf in his cap about the size of a young fir-tree, smoked evil-smelling cheroots the size of a submarine, stopped the traffic when he wanted to cross the road, and tried to elope with all the best-looking women in the town.
‘“Who are you?” asked an interested lady.
‘“Tosher Johnson, real prime, and the best kid out of Taurauntoe.”
‘“All right! There’s my card. Call and see me to-morrow.”
‘When Tosher got there her father was waiting for him. The old man was a brain specialist. That’s all the evidence, sir,’ concluded Ginger.
‘Johnson,’ said the president, ‘your career and exploits resemble those of the Arabian Knights and the adventures of Louis de Rougemont. What have you got to say?’
‘Well, boss, I guess Ginger is the brother of Ananias, and the uncle of the Kaiser. He’s just real good at the story-faking business, and after the war we’ll get him to run the Real Estate News, and the selling of corner lots in Greenland and Hudson Bay. As for the “Canuck” being top-dog in the lead-swinging business, I reckon that’s fizzled out. If Oxford can pan out liars like this ‘ere child in the future, we from out West will have to take a back-seat in the boosting business. Why, the fellow ‘u’d make his pile hanging around a Calgary beer-bar, telling them how to make a nigger into a white man, and how to turn a thousand dollar notes into ten million of the hard stuff.
‘As for “gaw-damn,” “guessing,” and “calculating,” seems to me you need some new language to tickle this old country up. You are a long-faced lot o’ wowsers, tied up by regulations and B.C. institooshuns. When you want to meet a prime girl, you need an intro.; and if you’re keen on eating with a duke, you’ve got to show your birth-certificate, and prove your father didn’t bring you into this world o’ woe without a nine-carat wedding-ring. It makes me real tired to walk around and see your orders: “Keep off the Grass;” “Keep to the Right;” “No Smoking Allowed;” “Private—Trespassers will be Prosecuted.”