For an instant my heart-beats seemed suspended by astonishment. I swung my legs round, and half rose, excitedly. Then I sank back again. My mind was made up. I was tired of the world; sick of life the first draught of which had turned so bitter in my throat. If by my death I might expiate my sins and win pardon by my submission and humility, it was all I could desire. I should be glad to be released from all the misery and sorrow into which I had been born.
I told him so in some few words. “You mean me well, my lord,” I ended, “and I thank you. But...”
“By God and the Saints!” he blazed, “I do not mean you well at all. I mean you anything but well. Have I not said that I could kill you with satisfaction? Whatever be the sins of Egidio Gambara, he is no hypocrite, and he lets his enemies see his face unmasked.”
“But, then,” I cried, amazed, “why do you offer me my freedom?”
“Because this cursed populace is in such a temper that if you are brought to trial I know not what may happen. As likely as not we shall have an insurrection, open revolt against the Pontifical authority, and red war in the streets. And this is not the time for it.
“The Holy Father requires the submission of these people. We are upon the eve of Duke Pier Luigi's coming to occupy his new States, and it imports that he should be well received, that he should be given a loving welcome by his subjects. If, instead, they meet him with revolt and defiance, the reasons will be sought, and the blame of the affair will recoil upon me. Your cousin Cosimo will see to that. He is a very subtle gentleman, this cousin of yours, and he has a way of working to his own profit. So now you understand. I have no mind to be crushed in this business. Enough have I suffered already through you, enough am I suffering in resigning my governorship. So there is but one way out. There must be no trial to-morrow. It must be known that you have escaped. Thus they will be quieted, and the matter will blow over. So now, Ser Agostino, we understand each other. You must go.”
“And whither am I to go?” I cried, remembering my mother and that Mondolfo—the only place of safety—was closed to me by her cruelly pious hands.
“Whither?” he echoed. “What do I care? To Hell—anywhere, so that you get out of this.”
“I'd sooner hang,” said I quite seriously.
“You'ld hang and welcome, for all the love I bear you,” he answered, his impatience growing. “But if you hang blood will be shed, innocent lives will be lost, and I myself may come to suffer.”