82. Though it be essential to divine love, and consequently to true holiness, to love God for himself, and as better than ourselves, (or else we love him not as God, as is before said,) yet this is hardly and seldom perceived in the beginning in him that hath it; because the love of ourself is more passionate, and raiseth in us more subordinate passions, of fear of punishment, and desires of felicity, and sorrow for hurt and misery, &c. Whereas, God being immaterial, and invisible, is not at all an object of our sense, but only of our reason and our wills, and therefore not directly of sensitive, passionate love: though consequently while the soul is united to the body, its acting even on immaterial objects, moveth the lower sensitive faculties, and the corporeal spirits. Also God needeth nothing for us to desire for him, nor suffereth nothing for us to grieve for, though we must grieve for injuring him, and being displeasing to his will.
83. I cannot say nor believe (though, till it be searched, the opinion hath an enticing aspect) that the gospel faith which hath the promise of justification, and of the Spirit, is only a believing in Christ as the means of our felicity, by redemption and salvation, out of the principle of self-love alone, and for no higher end than our said felicity; because he is not believed in as Christ, if he be not taken as a reconciler to bring us home to God. And we take him not to bring us to God as God, if it be not to bring us to God as the beginning and end of all things, and as infinitely more lovely than ourselves. And our repentance for not loving God accordingly above ourselves, must go along with our first justifying faith. Therefore, though we are learners before we are lovers, and our assent goeth before the will's consent, yet our assent that God is God, and better than ourselves, must go together with our assent that Christ is the Mediator to save us, by bringing us to him; and so must our assent that this is salvation, even to love God above ourselves, and as better than ourselves; and accordingly our consent to these particulars must concur in saving faith.
84. He, therefore, that out of self-love accepteth Christ as the means of his own felicity, doth (if he know practically what felicity is) accept him as a means to bring him to love God perfectly, as God above himself, and to be perfectly pleasing to his will.
85. Yet it is apparent that almost all God's preparing grace consisteth in exciting and improving the natural principle of self-love in man; and manifesting to him, that if he will do as one that loveth himself, he must be a christian, and must forsake sin, and the inordinate love of his sensuality, and must be holy, and love God for his own essential as well as communicated goodness. And if he do otherwise, he will do as one that hateth himself, and seeketh in the event his own damnation. And could we but get men rationally to improve true self-love, they would be christians, and so be holy.
86. But because this is a great, though tender point, and it that I have more generally touched in the case, Whether faith in Christ, or love to God as our end, go first? and because, indeed, it is it for which I principally premise the rest of these propositions; I shall presume to venture a little further, and more distinctly to tell you, how much of love to God is in our first justifying faith, and how much not; and how far the state of such a believer is a middle state between mere preparation, or common grace, and proper sanctification or possession of the Holy Ghost. And so, how far vocation giving us the first faith, and repentance, differeth from sanctification. And the rather because my unriper thoughts and writings defended Mr. Pemble, who made them one, in opposition to the stream of our divines. And I conceive that all these following acts about the point in question, are found in every true believer, at his first faith, though not distinctly noted by himself.
(1.) The sinner hath an intellectual notice, that there is a God, (for an atheist is not a believer,) and so that this God is the first and last, the best of beings, the Maker, Owner, Ruler, and Benefactor of the world, the just end of all created beings and actions, and to be loved and pleased above ourselves: for all this is but to believe there is a God.
(2.) He is convinced that his own chief felicity lieth, not in temporary or carnal pleasure, but in the perfect knowing, loving, and pleasing this God above himself: for if he know not what true salvation and felicity is, he cannot desire or accept it.
(3.) He knoweth that hitherto he hath been without this love, and this felicity.
(4.) He desireth to be happy, and to escape everlasting misery.
(5.) He repenteth, that is, is sorry, that he hath not all this while loved God as God, and sought felicity therein.