(6.) He is willing and desirous for the time to come, to love God as God above himself, and to please him before himself; that is, to have a heart disposed to do it.
(7.) He findeth that he cannot do it of himself, nor with his old carnal, indisposed heart.
(8.) He believeth that Christ, by his doctrine and Spirit, is the appointed Saviour to bring him to it.
(9.) He gladly consenteth that Christ shall be such a Saviour to him, and shall not only justify him from guilt, and save him from sensible punishment, but also thus bring him to the perfect love of God.
(10.) He had rather Christ would bring him to this by sanctification, than to enjoy all the pleasures of sin for a season, yea, or to have a perpetual sensitive felicity, without this perfect love to God, and pleasing of him.
(11.) God being declared to him in Jesus Christ, a God of love, forgiving sin, and conditionally giving pardon and life to his very enemies, as he is hence the easilier loved with thankfulness for ourselves, so the goodness of his nature in himself is hereby insinuated and notified with some secret complacency to the soul. He is, sure, good, that is so merciful and ready to do good, and that so wonderfully as in Christ is manifested.
(12.) So that as baptism (which is but explicit, justifying faith, or the expression of it, in covenanting with God) is our dedication by vow to all the Three Persons; to God the Father, as well as to the Son and Holy Ghost; so faith itself is such a heart-dedication.
(13.) Herein I dedicate myself to God as God, to be glorified and pleased in my justification, sanctification, and glorification, that is, in my reception of the fruits of his love, and in my loving him above all, as God: or to be pleased in me, and I in him, for ever.
(14.) In all this the understanding acknowledgeth God to be God, (by assent,) and to be loved above myself, and the will desireth so to love him: but the object of the will here directly, is its own future disposition and act. It doth not say, I do already love God, as God, above myself; but only I would so love him, and I would be so changed as may dispose me so to love him; I acknowledge that I should so love him, and that I do love him for his mercies to myself and others. Nor can it be said, that Volo velle, or Volo amare, a desire to love God as such, is direct love to God. Because it is not all one to have God to be the object of my will, and to have my own act of willing or loving to be the object of it. And because that a man may for other ends (as for mere fear of hell) will to will or love that, which yet he doth not will or love, at least for itself.
(15.) In this case, above all others, it is manifest, that every conviction of the understanding doth not accordingly determine the will. For in this new convert, the understanding saith plainly, God is to be loved as God, above myself: but the will saith, I cannot do it though I would: I am so captivated by self-love, and so void of the true love of God, that I can say no more, but that Propter me vellem amare Deum propter se; I love my own felicity so well, that I love God as my felicity; and love him under the notion of God the perfect good, who is infinitely better than myself; and desire a heart to love him more than myself; but I cannot say, that I yet do it, or that I love him best or most, whom I acknowledge to be best, and as such to be loved.