This kind of trouble then is of this nature: the conscience doth not accuse a man to be unregenerate, yet it condemns him for a carriage unsuitable to the gospel; and this sometimes when his actions are not absolutely evil, but partly good, partly bad. When the conscience condemns the actions as altogether sinful, because of some mixture of infirmities, in which case we should imitate the apostle, in Rom. vii., who when by reason of the remainders of sin in him, he could not do the good he would—that is, in such a manner and degree as he desired, nor avoid the evil which he would so clearly and fully as he wished, some imperfections in his best endeavours still cleaving to him; yet his conscience took a right course, he was humbled for his imperfections, but withal acquits himself in point of integrity; his conscience testified, ver. 16, that he ‘consented to the law as good;’ and ver. 22, that he ‘delighted in the law of God, after the inward man.’ But in this case of spiritual trouble, the conscience takes all in the worst sense; it only fixeth upon the imperfections, and makes them to serve for proofs against the sincerity. Thus if a man in praying be troubled with wandering thoughts, then a distempered conscience condemns that prayer as a sinful profanation of the name of God. If the great concern of God’s glory run along in such a way as is also advantageous to the person in outward things, then will such a conscience condemn the man for self-seeking, though his main design were truly the honour of God. In all actions where there is infirmity appearing with the most serious endeavours, or where God’s glory and man’s good are twisted together, the disordered conscience will be apt to take part with Satan, accusing and condemning the action. Yea, very often when the actions are very good, no way justly reprovable, the conscience shall condemn. If he have had peace, he shall be judged for security; if he have faith in God’s promises, it will call it presumption; if he have a zeal for God, it will be misinterpreted for carnal rigour; if he have joy, it shall be misjudged to be natural cheerfulness or delusion; in a word, all his graces shall be esteemed no better than moral virtues. At this rate are the children of God put to great trouble, losing, as I may say, the things they have wrought, sadly bemoaning their hardness of heart, or want of faith and love, when in their carriage and complainings, they give very high proofs of all. In this also Satan is busy to nourish the conscience in its jealousies, and doth suggest many objections to confirm it in its distemper. The conscience is not always of a peevish or perverse humour; for sometimes it will smite a man for a miscarriage,—as it did to David when he cut off the lap of Saul’s garment,—and yet not break his peace: which is a sufficient evidence that it is put, in this case, far out of order; which advantage Satan works upon to disquiet the heart, to make men unthankful for the mercies they have received, and to incapacitate them for more. This, for distinction sake, we may call the trouble of a grieved or dejected conscience, according to that of Ps. xlii. 5, 11, ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me?’ Though such men are under God’s favour, yet they misdeem it, and think God is angry with them; their heart pants, their soul thirsts, their tears are their meat, they are ready to say unto God, ‘My rock, why hast thou forsaken me?’ and though they have some hopes for the future, that God ‘will command his loving-kindness,’ and that they ‘shall yet praise him;’ yet their present apprehension of their spiritual wants and weaknesses, and of the displeasure of God, which they suppose they are under, makes them go mourning all the day.
[3.] The third degree of trouble of conscience is when the conscience peremptorily denies the state of regeneration. Hereby a man that is really regenerate, is concluded to be yet ‘in the gall of bitterness, and bond of iniquity;’ his former hopes are taxed for self-delusion, and his present state to be a state of nature. This trouble is far greater than the two former, because the party is judged to be in greater hazard, and by many degrees more remote from hope. It is the frequent and sad thought of such, that if death should in that estate cut off their days, oh, then they were for ever miserable! The fears and disquiets of the heart on this account are very grievous, but yet they admit of degrees, according to the ignorance of the party, the distemper of the conscience, the strength of the objections, or severity of the prosecution, in regard the conscience is now sadly out of order. We may call this degree of grief, for distinction, ‘a wounded spirit;’ which how hard it is to be borne Solomon tells us, Prov. xviii. 14, by comparing it with all other kind of troubles, which the spirit of a man can make some shift to bear, making this heavier than all, and above ordinary strength.
Some make inquiry what may be the difference betwixt a wounded spirit in the regenerate and the reprobate? To which it may be answered, (1.) That in the party’s apprehension there is no difference at all; both of them may be compassed about with the sorrows of death, and suppose themselves to be in the belly of hell. (2.) Neither is there any difference in the degree of the trouble; a child of God may be handled with as much seeming severity, as he whom God intends for a future Tophet. (3.) Neither is there any such remarkable difference in the working of the spirits of the one and other, that they themselves at present, or others that are bystanders, can easily observe. Yet a formal difference there is; for grace being in the heart of the one, will in some breathing or pulse discover its life. And though sometimes it acts so low or confusedly that God only can distinguish, yet often those that are experienced observers will discover some real breathings after God, and true loathing of sin, and other traces of faith and love, that are not so discernible to the parties themselves. (4.) But in God’s design the difference is very great; the wicked lie under his lash as malefactors, but the regenerate are as patients under cure, or children under discipline. (5.) And accordingly the issue doth determine, that God’s intention in wounding their spirits were not alike to both; the one at last coming out of the furnace as gold, the other still remaining as reprobate silver, or being consumed as dross. Thus have ye seen the nature and degree of spiritual sadness.
2. For the further explanation whereof I shall next shew you that this is a usual trouble to the children of God.
Which, (1.) I might evidence from several instances of those that have suffered much under it; as David, whose complaints in this case are very frequent, and Heman, who left a memorial of his griefs in Ps. lxxxviii. Jonah also, in the belly of the whale, had a sharp fit of it, when he concluded that he was ‘cast out of God’s sight,’ and his ‘soul fainted within him,’ Jonah ii. 4, 7. Neither did Hezekiah altogether escape it, for though his disquiet began upon another ground, it ran him into spiritual trouble at last. But besides these, innumerable instances occur. One shall scarce converse with any society of Christians but he shall meet with some who, with sad complaints, shall bemoan the burden of their hearts, and the troubles of their conscience.
(2.) The provisions which God hath made in his word for such, is an evidence that such distempers are frequent. He that in a city shall observe the shops of the apothecaries, and there take notice of the great variety of medicines, pots, and glasses full of mixtures, confections, and cordials, may from thence rationally conclude, that it is a frequent thing for men to be sick, though he should not converse with any sick person for his information. Thus may we be satisfied from the declarations, directions, and consolations of Scripture that it is a common case for the children of God to stand in need of spiritual physicians and spiritual remedies to help them when they are wounded and fainting. Solomon’s exclamation, ‘A wounded spirit who can bear?’ shews that the spirit is sometimes wounded. The prophet’s direction, ‘He that walks in darkness and sees no light, let him trust in the Lord,’ [Isa. l. 10,] clearly implies that some there are that walk in darkness. God’s creating the ‘fruit of the lips, Peace, peace;’ his promises of restoring ‘comforts to mourners;’ his commands to others to comfort them; do all inform us that it is a common thing for his children to be under such sadnesses of spirit, that all this is necessary for their relief.
(3.) The reasons of this trouble do also assure us of the frequency of it; for of them we may say, as Christ speaks of the poor, [Mat. xxvi. 11,] ‘we have them always with us;’ so that the grounds of spiritual sadness considered, it is no wonder to find many men complaining under this distemper. The reasons are,
[1.] The malice of Satan, who hath no greater revenge against a child of God, when translated from the power of darkness to the kingdom of Christ, than to hinder him of the peace and comfort of that condition.
[2.] The many advantages which Satan hath against us. For the effecting of this we cannot imagine that one so malicious as he is will suffer his malice to sleep, when so many fair opportunities of putting it in practice do offer themselves. For, first, The questions to be determined for settling the peace of the soul are very intricate, and often of greater difficulty than doctrinal controversies. How hard is it to conclude what is the minimum quod sic, the lowest degrees of true grace! or the maximum quod sic, the highest degree of sin consistent with true grace! To distinguish betwixt a child of God at the lowest, and a hypocrite or temporary believer at the highest, is difficult. In mixed actions, to be able to shew how the soul doth manage its respect to God, when the man hath also a respect to himself, especially when it is under any confusion, is not easy. And in these actions, where the difference from others of like kind lies only in the grounds and motives of the undertaking, or where the prevailing degree must distinguish the act in reference to different objects that are subordinate to one another—as our loving God above the world or ourselves, our fearing God above men, &c.—it is not every one that can give a satisfactory determination. Second, As the intricacies of the doubts to be resolved give the devil an advantage to puzzle us, so is the advantage heightened exceedingly by the great injudiciousness and unskilfulness of the greatest part of Christians. These questions are in their notion difficult; more difficult in their application to particular persons, where the ablest Christian may easily be nonplussed; but most difficult to the weak Christians. These Satan can baffle with every poor objection, and impose what he will upon them. Third, Especially having the advantage of the working guilt of conscience, which he can readily stir up to present to a man’s remembrance all his failings and miscarriages of what nature soever. And when guilt rageth in an unskilful heart, it must needs create great disquiet. Fourth, But most of all when our natural fears are awakened; as when a man hath been under any great conviction, though he be cured of his trouble, yet it usually leaves a weakness in the part, as bruises and maims do in any member of the body, which at the change of weather or other accidental hurt will renew their old trouble; and then when fresh guilt begins to press hard upon the conscience, not only do the broken bones ache, by the reviving of former fears, but the impressions of his old suspicions, bad conceit of himself, and jealousies of the deceitfulness of his heart, which had then fixed themselves by a deep rooting, do now make him most fearful of entertaining any good thought of himself. So that if any consideration tending to his support be offered, he dare not come near it, suspecting his greatest danger to lie on that hand. These advantages considered, we should not think it strange that any child of God is driven to spiritual sadness, as some do, but may rather wonder that this is not the common condition of all Christians.
[3.] Another reason that must be assigned for these troubles is divine dispensation. Such are his children, some so careless, others proud, others stubborn, many presumptuous, that God is forced to correct them by this piece of discipline, and to cure them by casting them into a fever. Others of his children he thus exerciseth for other ends, sometimes to take occasion therefrom of making larger discoveries of his love; sometimes thereby preventing them from falling under some grievous miscarriage, or for the trial and exercises of their graces. We may observe, accordingly, that there are three sorts of men that usually have exercises of this kind.