An Orange-Wench.
Fair Oranges,——Fine Lemmons, a cunning Slut, who by a fifteen years practice, had got her trade to her fingers end! She used that cry in the streets of London at first, to get her a livelihood; but her Face had so cryed her up, that her Gallants would have decryed her Trade, as too mean a thing for her to follow; but she would not be perswaded to it, fearing she should be abridged of her Liberty. For whilst she had the liberty of roving every where, she had the priviledge and freedom to go boldly into a Tavern, where she not only sold her Ware, but had the convenience to truck for a Commodity of another sort. She was witty, and very well furnisht with a drolling Common-Place-Book, out of which she could suit any merry discourse whatsoever. By which means her company was so generally coveted, that she could not pass the streets, but that some or other out of a Tavern-Window would call her up, who would empty her Basket, fill her skin with Wine, only that they might make some sport with her. A wealthy old Widower, an Ale-house-keeper, knowing how generally she was belov’d, cared not much to be made a Cuckold, so that he could but increase his Trade, which he knew he should do, if he married her, which he did by a very expensive Courtship[Courtship], she not caring if he had spent every groat.
She lived with him some years, in which time they had got a world of Money, the house being seldom full before, but since her coming thither, always filled for her sake. The old fooll (having gotten enough) began now to dote on her, and grew so jealous, that he could not abide to see her in any company that was younger than himself, which she not enduring, made up a good Purse of Money, and went into Yorkshire, where attiring her self like Widow, every one believed that she was so, and behaved her self so generously in all her deportments, that she soon had Suiters of good quality swarming about her. She was so crafty, that she never countenanced those, who had ever made the least scruple by enquiring what she was, whence she came, what she had, &c. but scorning such enquiries, would sometimes frankly say, when many of them were together; Gentlemen, I wonder you should busie your selves about me, I trouble you not, therefore trouble not me; I intend to borrow no Money of you, and leave an Estate mortgaged for the payment; I have enough, and will lend you some upon good Security, if that you come for. An old stale Batchellor (a Semi-Usurer) hearing this, strikes in with her, tell her he had Money enough too, (which she had heard before) and that if she pleased to make a scrutiny into the truth thereof, she might; however he would not question her Estate, but be very well contented, if she had no more than what was on her back; she desired some time to consider on so weighty a matter as Marriage was; not considering before what it meant, however she was alotted a very good Husband, and should she now marry a worse, it would be her hearts-breaking. He promised her every thing so fair, that it cleared up all her doubts, and so they joyned together in a Matrimonial tye.
The Husband she left in London, was not only Horn-mad, but stark-mad for the loss of his Wife, and so diligent he was in the search of her, that like Scoggin, looking for a Hare in the Roof of a House leaded, so he sought her not only in places probable, but as unlikely to find her. His enquiry was so indefatigable, that at length he heard that she was in Yorkshire, and was informed of the place wherein she was. Over joy’d at the news, he immediately takes horse, and rides away towards her, resolving to forgive her whatever she had done, if she would return with him, not knowing she was married.
The old man came just to Town as it was her hap to look out at the window; she knew him streight, and was ready to drop down dead, to think what would be become of her; but a Womans wit, which is alwayes best at a push, prompted her to call hastily for her Husband, who running to her; What is the matter, said he? O Husband, said she, Do you see yonder Man on Horse-back? Yes, yes, he replyed; then pray thee Sweet-heart run quickly and dog him where he Inns; and having so done, return with all the speed you can possibly: never did Foot-boy dispatch a Ladies errand speedier than he; and being returned; Now my dear, said she, I will tell thee how happily things fall out; as I was looking out of that window, I saw that man you dogg’d, I have not seen him these five years before, he was indebted to my husband in the sum of 300l. the Money hath been due long since, and not yet paid, it is thine now, go instantly and arrest him at thine own Suit, I will prove the Debt, his name is ——— This obedient Coxcomb performed what his Wife desired him to do: This Brother Starling of his being not acquainted in the place, and not being able to produce Bail, was constrained to go to Prison, where we leave him, vowing and protesting he neither knew the Man, nor ever owed in all his life half the sum. In the mean time our Orange-woman had perswaded her Husband to give her leave to go to London with all speed and fetch the Bond she had left in a friends hand, and if need required, bring the Witness down; there is no fear Husband, said she, of the Money, for his Estate consists solely in that, imploying it in buying Cattle in Ireland, and transporting them into England; I have laid wait for him many and many a time, but never could meet with so happy an opportunity.
Her Husband poor credulous Gentleman, believed every word she said, and consented to her motion, with much alacrity. The next day the Stage Coach was to set forth, so he went streight and bespake a place, whilst she had fixt every thing for her next dayes journey. That night, when her Husband was fast asleep, she took the Key of his Closet out of his Pocket, and opening it, she unlockt a Cabinet, and took thence a hundred pieces of old Gold, which had lain there many a year undisturbed. In the morning by time, after a great deal of seeming sorrow that she should be thus necessitated to be absent from her dearly beloved Husband, she entred the Coach, and was quickly out of sight. At the first Baiting-stage the Coach came at, she altered her resolution of going for London, telling the Coachman, she had extraordinary business some fifteen miles out of the way, and that if he would drive the Coach that way, she would reward him; he told her it was impossible to be done, (which she knew as well as himself), But Madam, said he, you have paid the Coach, and you may do as you please.
She hired a Horse presently, and a Man to ride before her, and having rid till it was almost dark, she caused her Man to make what haste he could to the next Inn, pretending she was mistaken in the length of the way. The next morning calling for a Quart of Mull’d Sack, she drank to her Man, making him very merry, and then told him, she was resolved to go for Chester, having business of greater moment to dispatch there first; so giving him a Crown for his own pains, & half a Crown a day, for so long as they should be out, the Fellow was very glad of, knowing his Master would be pleased with him for so doing. Coming there, she dismissed the Fellow, and hearing there were Ships ready to Sail, the next day she went to Holy-head, and there imbarqu’d for Dublin.