How her two Husbands in her absence agreed I know not; but she no sooner thought her self secure in this strange Country, but she appear’d as splendid in Apparel, as the greatest Court-gallant of them all, and with a new Surname Coacht it with the best of them, and marryed again, (a thing too often practised there) and lived so long there, till she had spent what her Husband had gotten in many years labour; and now when all was gone in a manner, she falls into the acquaintance of a young huffing Blade, who not daring to stay longer in Ireland, (by reason of the many Debts he owed there) perswaded her to go for Bristol with him, where she should have what her heart could desire. Having a greater love for his Person than she had a belief to what he promised, she yielded; and without trifling away time, put their purpose into present practice. Being at Sea, they had like to have split upon the Bishop and his twelve Clerks, (Rocks so called lying to the Southward of Wales) had she been there lost, any one that knew her life and conversation, might have lookt on it as a just Judgement, having abused and violated those sacred Laws the Church hath injoyned her to observe by her most detestable Polygamy. However, they were hindred from putting into the Port they were bound to, and instead thereof, arrived at Barnstable; where in a little time after their arrival, he growing weary of her, took every Penny she had, not leaving her wherewithal to discharge her Quarters. She was rightly served, and may all such meet with punishments suitable to their notorious practises. The fear of her Husband knowing where she was, and the fulness of her own temper together, (seeing she should be thus outwitted) made her thus resolve the tryal of retrieving her misfortune in a foreign adventure. Almost on the same Basis or Ground-work was founded the desperate resolution of our two Crack’t Maiden-Servants. For the one was tollerably handsome, and thought her self meat good enough for her Master, or his Son; The latter of which she liked best, but he fitted her not to her liking; for having gotten her Maiden-head, (by promising her Marriage) and with Child to boot, marryed another; She being foolish, and having no Friends to advise her how to compensate her loss by suing him, she only took pet, put finger in eye, and vow’d she would never see him; a shrewd threat for one that was glad to be rid of her. Her Companion with her knowing her resolution, having staid to the age of near forty, and not one so much as proffering to kiss her, (for indeed had you seen her when she had drest her self with all the advantages her utmost Art could use, you must have turned your head aside,) I say having lived thus long a Maid, (I dare swear for her) and never expecting to have to do with any Christian, she had some hopes that she might be a subject fit enough for some barbarous Black Diabolical Infidel, to get Cannibals upon.
And now having given you an account of what Cattle we had aboard, except only what I have purposely left to bring up the Reer, and they are four
Common Prostitutes.
Not to describe them particularly, but all of their Function in general; They are things of prodigious strength, which is sufficiently manifested in the ruin of the strongest Man, and back-sliding of the wisest Man. I hardly know, or have heard of any whom they have not stagger’d, excepting Job, who firmly stood maugre the Devil, and his Wife.
In the faces of the common Traders by diligent search, you may find some Raggs of over-worn Beauty, like old Clothes in Brokers windows, to make you believe that there are better wares within; yet he that trades with them, is like to have a bad bargain, for she can sell him nothing but the Pox, or Repentance. As for their upper parts, they are the Shops of Cupid, and their lower parts are his Warehouse. Length of time makes them turn Bank-rupts, spoiling their Game by wrinckling their faces, which paint must rectify, but so hardly, that with all their black Spots and Patches they look but like a rusty Gamon of Bacon stuck with Cloves, scarce so beautiful, but not half so savoury; coming to this Age, she is like a rotten stick, only fit to kindle green ones. In short, they are a loathsome stinking Carreon, too unclean to enter into Heaven, too diseased to continue longer on Earth; the shame and stain of her Sex, the scorn of wise-men, and utter ruine of fools. These two Brase of Whores were taken up at Excester upon the like account as the former Females were, for Whoring, Filching, and debauching, and so suffered the same doom with the rest. That famous City since it had a name, had never been so pester’d before with such a brood of Cockatrices. It is true, your London Doxies will go down into the Countrey sometimes for their pastime, with their Cullyes, but when ere they come, it is but a touch and away, but these deluding and destroying Syrens, staid so long, till they were ready to spawn, and had not their own too publick Roguery detected them, they in a little time longer might have infected half the Countrey.
Our Master having intelligence of this brave booty, rode to Exeter, where agreeing for this parcel of Cattle, he took them all down with him to Barnstable, shipping them immediatly upon his arrival; not long after my Rogueship (being nipt in the Bud of my Roguish designs, my forwards prancks shewing what a dangerous fellow I might prove if I were let alone to grow up in them,) was committed to the custody of the Master of the Ship, to carry me with the rest to some remote place far enough distant from England, that it might not be disturbed with the noise of our lewd and vitious Practises. I had not been many hours among them, before I began to take special notice of my new Comrades, and not many dayes e’re I drew such remarkable observations from them all, as to give you this account of them, the major part whereof is the extract of their own confessions; and now I shall proceed as to our Voyage.
CHAP. XII.
He is made a Cabbin-Boy, and shews what is the duty thereof; A pleasant drunken encounter between Himself, little Miss, and two other supposed Rivals; his Crime, and Punishment. He returns for England, and coming to Graves end, he discovers a notable trick of a Justice in discovering one that usually stole his Wood; Also, an incomparable Adventure of a young Woman, and himself in one Hammock together.
Never had villanous Exiles such a fair Passage as we had, and to speak the truth, though nothing could have daunted me, yet the calmness of the Sea, and the clearness of the weather, did very much encourage me to be a Sea-man. My Master was a very facetious merry man, and one of no mean understanding, who seeing the freeness of my jocular humour, did not hinder the care of his business, he acknowledged to have a benefit in me, which few others received from their Servants, not only injoying my labour and pains taking, but receiving a divertisement in the execution thereof. I waited on my Master diligently, swabb’d his Cabbin daily, made his Bed, cleansed the House of Office often, and who so ready as I to fetch the Victuals abaft, and above all things minded my Masters ringing the Bell, as it was my duty, so it was my discretion and prudence; for had I at any time been playing the Rogue out of hearing the Bell, if it rang in that interval, I was assuredly drubb’d; for faults of a higher nature, I was laid over a Gun and lasht, or tyed by the Thumbs, and whipt with a Cat of Nine Tails.