Our Extravagant uses strange wayes to raise moneys; which being got in, he takes a journey into the Countrey, marries, and returns; meets with one of his Companions, who laid a wager about their Footmens drinking: he being indebted to our Extravagant, and not in a capacity to pay him till his Fathers death; he projects a way to kill the Father; and not come within the compass of the Law; he undertakes and performs it. This Extravagant’s answer to his Mother; and his getting a suit of Clothes of a strange Taylor. He cheats at the water-side, and cheats Gentlemen of several Cloakes, which he sells to a Broker, who upon some discontent claps him in a prison, where he again expresses his Poetry.
Our Gallant thus exercised his wit, and spent his time; and as this Old man, the Father, had in his latter years employed his whole wit and industry in gaining of moneys, and enlarging his Estate; so the Young man, the Son, employed all his in spending, and lessening it. The Fathers ways of getting money was by usury; and the Son, on the contrary, was so great an hater of that vice, and sin of usury, as he termed it, that he would not receive any; and being desirous to raise a great sum of money together, he sent to his Debtors, and told them that if they would by a certain time, then to come, bring him in his principal money, he would forgive them all interest. There were few of them that stood out; for the Father having been wary in disposing his money on good security, the Son had the less trouble to gather it in; and few of the Debtors failed to bring in our Prodigals Money, and take up their bonds. Some there were whose debts were considerable and large, and they could not provide their Moneys by the time, but lost that advantage: but again some of them gained more considerably then the rest had done; for he by this means believing that all those debts that were not paid him were desperate and bad, he fell to selling and assigning them; which the Debtors hearing of, although they could not raise the ready money themselves, yet the Security being good, they procured Friends to lay down the Moneys, and compounded the Debts for some two thirds, some three quarters, some more, some less, he being willing to take, and unwilling to refuse all Moneys that he could thus bring in. And by this means being master of a considerable sum of Money, and being of his London frollicks, he resolved for the Countrey; and providing himself with choice of Geldings, and variety of Rich Clothes for himself, and new Liveries for his two Servants, he took his journey. I cannot give you any particular account of his transactions in the Countrey, because it was at too great a distance; but in general, I heard he plaid over his old freaks, the second part to the same tune: but this I know, that passing for a man of a great Estate, and being plentifully furnished with Moneys, he was admitted into the Family of a Person of Quality; where, however he carryed himself abroad, yet at home he was so civil, as that courting the Daughter, he obtained her and her Friends consent to a Marriage. They questioned not his Estate, (which they knew had been considerable) because he demanded no portion: and thus was our wild Gallant become a staid man, if Marriage would make him so; but although it might operate somewhat at first, yet that good humor held him not long for he was soon weary of any thing that was good; and, as I heard his wife being so, he was the sooner weary of her: and therefore, and because the Money he had brought with him was spent and gone, he was then again for London. I suppose he engaged himself to return speedily; but he who never kept any ingagement, was sure to break that: And now being come to London, he visited all his old Friends; but there was not one word of the pudding; he would not own the alteration of his condition, but had a mind still to pass for a Batchelor; for under that notion he might practise his debaucheries the more freely; for he did intend to cheat any maid, that would be so easie, of the most precious Jewel they had; whether he did, or how many fell into his snare, I know not; but he boasted of many such conquests. He being now come to London, and his errand Money, Money he would have; and therefore he summoned all the remaining Debtors to make sudden payment.
Although he had already received several considerable sums, and that more than he had present occasion to make use of; yet not one good turn, or courtesie would he do any man, though never so near and dear to him: he had rather spend 40s. to make a man drunk, than lend him 20s.
But there was one, a certain Companion of his, who was almost as debauched as himself, and would have been altogether so, had he had the means to have done it. This Person having a Father alive, whom he would willingly have exchanged for a dead one; and whom he was very desirous to have kneel in Brass, or lean in Marble: This Father was a great trouble to our young man’s proceedings and our Gallant having consider’d his case, as it had been formerly his own, being desirous to propagate, and assist in the work of deformation, had at several times furnished him with the sum of fifty pounds; and now he being resolved to have at all, get in all he could, gave this Friend a summons, who failed not to meet him at the time, and place appointed with money for a drinking bout, though not to pay Money. They set to it lustily, and drank off their Sack very stoutly; and whilst our two young Gentlemen were thus employed, their Servants were not idle. Our Gallant was now attended but by one of his two Foot-men; and the other, who had also a Foot-man, or Attendant, who was acquainted with the other; and they having been for some time separated by reason of our Gallants Journey, and now having met again, were so joyful to see themselves alive, that they drank of their Sack as fast as their Masters: They had leave to do so, and might call for what they pleased. Our Gallant having occasion to go into the next Room, there found his Man, and the other engaged in hot service; but observed, that his Man being the stouter drinker of the two, had the better on it, and was the likeliest so to hold it; wherefore a conceit came into his head, and then out it must; thereupon, he called his Companion to him, and shewed him their Servants; he was as well pleased as the other, and encouraged his man to hold out; our Gallant hearing him say so, cryed, Bear up, Jack, for I’le hold a piece of your head; done, said the other.
But although here was a great wager to be lay’d, yet there was no sound bargain, nor Witness; and they hardly understood what they intended, till the Master of the house was called up; and then he seeing there was like to be somewhat to his advantage, made this fair proposition (as he called it) that the two fellows should drink on, and he who first gave out, and was foyled, his Master should pay the Reckoning: Content, said one; content, said another; and withal, lose a piece, to be spent to morrow: They both agreed to this motion; and drawing out their Moneys, the Land-Lord kept stakes, and the Fellows still held on their drinking, neither were the Masters idle; and they all plyed their gears so well, that they could not remove their Quarters, but were all four inforced to stay there all night; only our Gallant had the honour of the day, for his man had quite knock’d down the other, and had laid him fast asleep; and he being on the ground stradled over him, like St. George over the Dragon, and drank off three Beer glasses of Sack in token of triumph; and then they were all carried to their Beds. The next morning they found themselves more sensible then they had been the night before; but being in a Tavern, and remembring that there was 20s. in bank, there was no remedy, but that they must of necessity take a hair of the old dog; and therefore to it they went again, but with more sobriety then the day before; for our Gallant, who commanded in chief, had no mind to drinking, it being against his Custom to drink in a morning; and besides that, he intended to propose the matter of money to his Companion, so that they drank but moderately; and our Gallant broke the ice by telling his Companion, that upon a certain accident that had lately fallen out, he had occasion to raise a sum of money, and therefore he desired the other to help him to that which he had formerly lent him. The other briskly replyed with an Oath, that he asked him impossibilities; that there was not such a sum as 50l. in Nature, nor could he expect to see so much together, till the happy day of his Fathers death; and then said he, if that long looked for day would but come, I will not only pay that sum, but all else I have shall be at your dispose.
Our Prodigal knew well enough that he should hardly get his Money till the old fellow was dead, but however he thought to urge it to see if he could perswade him to cheat his Father of such a sum, but the other replying he could not and that it was impossible to out-wit him, well reply’d our Gallant since that Jest will not take let us think of somewhat else, is the old fellow good conditioned? does he give you money enough to spend? truly replyed the other, he is very kind to me, for he allows me pretty largely, knowing that besides Wine and good company; there are such transitory things as women to be had; for keeping a good Girl himself, who is an old Knave, he knows the necessity of those mortals for us that are young. How, replyed our blade, does he keep a Wench? then I have a sure expedient to make him tip off the perch in a short time. You may be deceived replyed the other, for as he is old, so he is tough and hath been a long time accustomed to Venus Wars. Well that matters not, reply’d our Gallant but if you will double my money, (for I must be at some charge) I will undertake and warrant to send your Father into the other world in a very short time. No reply’d the other I will have no hand in Murther especially there being Parricide in the case. I tell thee, reply’d our undertaker, there shall be no hazard of the Law, no not so much guilt lye upon you nor me, whether as Physitians (who are authorized to kill) are guilty of to their Patients, and shall be both safe and sure. Well how is it then reply’d our Companion. You say, said our Gallant, your Father is very old, and loves a Wench. Why then said our undertaker, all my business is but to know this Wench and be acquainted with her, and then the business is done, and that without fail. Thus much he told his Companion, but would not (though he importuned him) tell him any thing more. And thereupon he seeing that he could not at present get any thing more out of him, and withal assuring him that there was no danger in Law; the one concludes to act, and the other to assist in the enterprize. Accordingly that very afternoon our Extravagant was conducted by his Companion to the place where his Fathers Lady of pleasure resided. This young Woman whom he was so desirous to be acquainted withal lived with one that was more antient, and whom she called Aunt, and they two together with a Maid-servant that attended them both made up this little Family, in regard she lived thus privately, he found it would be more difficult then ordinary to get access, but the next day an opportunity fell out very convenient. For the old man (according to his custom) having sent in Provision for Dinner, came at noon to Dine with his Mistress, and about three of the Clock he and his Mistress and the Old Woman resolved on a walk. Our undertaker was so diligent that he attended them at some distance, and they going into a Publique house, he also went thither and took a Room next to their’s. The Old Man treated his Mistress with Cakes and Ale, and such other Provision as the place afforded, and after they had sufficiently regalled themselves, the old man he must go about an affair of importance, and therefore he must leave them. Our Undertaker was glad to hear of that, and expected the happy minute of his departure, but he found that they all left the house together, wherefore he put himself in the way that they were to come, and walking softly permitted the two Women to overtake him. He being a sufficient Courtier wanted not pretence sufficient to enter himself into their company, and the Women were not so reserved as to distaste or dislike the proffered service of his meen and quality.
The walk they were to take er’e they came to their quarters was considerable and thereby he had the opportunity to discourse with the young beauty, which was not only handsom but of a pleasant conversation. He knowing how far their journey reached offered them a Glass of Wine. The young woman wholly declined the proposition, wherefore he applyed himself to the Old one; and her he over-ruled, so that they put in at the next Tavern. He promised them only one quart of Wine, but they drank three or four e’re they parted, he did so Court the old Woman that she took off her liquor freely, and made her so open hearted that she discovered many of her copious secrets with the Old Man, who also simpered at the writal of them, our Gallants chief business being to win the young woman, thought that the nearest way to do it, was to gain the Old, and therefore he not only plyed her with Wine but gave her some halfe-crown pieces, at the sight of this she called him Son and told him he should be welcome.
He pulling out his money discovered some fair Medals which he shewing to the young woman, and she seeming to like, he forced her to accept of them, thus he having laid the bait, did not question but the Fish would in time be taken, he only waited on them to their Lodgings that night, but promising to revisit them the next day, neither was he worse then his word, but before hand he sent several bottles of Wine.
And at this second converse he made so large a progress in his business, that he discovered that she was not displeased with his Company; He finding her thus easie, proceeded as far as he could with her to the main point, but she checked him there, being resolved not to be won so easily; but he resolving not to make Childrens Shoes, followed so close that he brought her to his bent, and received the satisfaction he desired, She not distrusting the mischief that was intended her, gave him all freedom with her, and he was seldom out of her Company but when the Old Man had appointed to be with her, our undertaker still resolving on his project ventured on one of the desperatest discourses that has been heard of.