That he might perswade the rest this way to indulge his appetite, he added farther, that it was a Dish would not be expensive, and soon ready. My Landlady to back him on, said, she had some skimmings of the pot, which she had been collecting these three moneths, some whereof she questioned not but to procure, and let her alone to order it so, that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard in our lives.
Another contradicting him, preferred a bowl of Pease-pottage before the cheifest meat whatever, that he could never look into the pot and see them boyl round, but that his heart leapt within him, and kept time with their motion. My master (that was their Senior) scorned to be controlled in his fancy; and therefore positively determined to have some Poor John, swearing that the Great Mogul did eat nothing else thrice a week, and that Atabalipa (that Indian King whom Cortez conquered) caused a sacrifice every day to be made of them to his Idol, commanding them to be laid on an Altar made of some coals of fire, then the fat of some beast rubbed thereon, (because they had no Butter) and so presented to the Idol, afterwards to the King, which he did eat with inexpressible satisfaction. Order was given that this delicate fare should be provided. Though they did beat it most unmercifully, yet it would not yield, resolving rather to be broken in peices, then to become unlike its Masters heart, or shew any thing of a tender nature. There was one allotted me for my proportion, which I used as they had done, laying it on the coals a little while, and so committing it to my teeths disposal, I never found till now that my teeth could be thus shamefully baffled. They made several assaults upon it to little purpose. My teeth at length fearing a total conquest, desperately and inragedly seiz’d on the thinnest and weakest part, and holding it as fast as a Vice, at last in the conflict overpowered one small fleak, but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head, the hinder part thereof (the seat of Memory) flew so violently against the wall, that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing, where I was, but the pain then I sustained by the knock. Strong-water they poured down my Throat to revive me, but there was nothing did sooner fetch me than a small fleak of the Poor John, which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me, which caused a strugling, and summoned the spirits together to oppose what might be destructive to Nature.
Now did I really imagine my self at Sea, where, for want of provision, I was forced to feed on Cordage, or the Ship sides. Had this poor creature been ground small, I might have made as hard a shift to have swallowed it, as those Sea-men did the Saw-dust of deal boards coming from Norway, and destitute of other food. That night I slept but little, neither could I, had I swallowed Opium for that purpose, for the innumerable quantity of Buggs (as some call them) that had invaded my body; being weary (as I suppose) of inhabiting any longer the dry mansion of that old rotten Bedsted on which I lay. In the morning I found the ruines of a Looking-glass in the window, which I took up to discover what knots or nodes those were I felt orespreading my face. The sight whereof struck into me a Pannick fear, verily believing I had been infected with a spotted Feaver.
I began to curse the bed and sheets, imagining the Contagion proceeded from them; to be satisfied herein, I drew aside at the beds feet the Curtain (that is to say, part of a Tilt) pinned there to keep the wind off, which otherwise would have fanned us to death, coming in so furiously through the Port-cullise of the window: (for glass there was little). At first sight I questioned whether I was not lately risen from the Dead, since there was visibly before my Eyes, the black Cloath that covered my Herse. Had not we gone to bed without a Candle over-night, I should sooner have chosen a bulk than this bed to lye on. It might have been a good Quære, whether those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving, and continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds, successively, to sweat out their Contagious humours, and matter proceeding from their ulcerated Bodies.
My pretended friend perceiving my amazement, bid me be of good courage, for those marks in my face, were only occasioned by a stinging sort of Vermine, who seldome meddle with such as are accustomed to them, only giving their welcome to such as were New-comers. I took these sufferings as patiently as I could; but thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them; and it should not be long before I would take my farewell. We had scarce breakfasted, before a Messenger came into the room, and with much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend. I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served, and so it proved. My friend told me we must be gone instantly, for the Merchant attended my coming: Wherefore we presently went down to the staires to take Boat: by the way he told me, that he would go with me in the same Ship, and take as much care of me as he would of his own Son, whom I understood afterwards he had too sure, above a year since stoln away, and sold him as a slave. One while I thought to have ran for it, another time I thought to have cryed out, a Spirit, a Spirit, but that the thought of the Water-men being his Accomplices, deterred me. I was at my wits end, not knowing what to do. Coming into the Boat, being now destitute of all relief, I asked him according to his former pretence, whether he resolved to go to Sea with me? yes, replyed he, I question, Sir, (said I) whether you ever told a truth in your life, but I am resolved you shall now; and with that I flung my self with him over-board. Those which were in the Boat, immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into the Boat: But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the Boat on which they within leaned, overturned it upon me. The first thought this accident produced in me, was that a Whale had swallowed me, and that I was in the dark concave of his belly: or that Death had arrested me, and clapped me up a close prisoner for my sins, in Hell’s deep and black Dungeon. But by the industry and expedition of many Water-men, eye-witnesses of this passage, (which had like to have proved Tragical) the Boat was recovered, and I the first person taken up and set on shore.
Multorum manibus grande levatur onus.
Many hands make light work. I ne’er staid to see what was become of my good Friend, (a Pox take him) but with what speed I could, attended with a great number of little hooping Owlets (I mean the young fry of Scullars) I secured my self from this Anthropopola, or Man-seller: A charitable woman seeing me in this pickle, (for it was Salt water, which my Sous’d guts may testifie if they please, in their grumbling manner of speaking) told me that she would entertain me till to morrow. This was the greatest Cordial could be applied to this cross; and without many Complements, I thanked her for her great love. Now because she saw what condition I was in, she immediately put me to bed.
CHAP. XVI.
How under the pretence of begging, he stole a Cloak, and with that went to a Gaming Ordinary; what a bold Adventure he made there, and the success thereof.
Parting from this good Woman, I began to think that the Art of stealing might be reckoned amongst the liberal Sciences; for though it may be called an Handicraft, yet it cannot be looked on as Mechanick. This is the Art, the right Practice whereof is the true Philosopher’s stone, the Elixer of life; with which many turn Poyson into Medicine, coarse cloath into cloath of Gold, hunger into fulness and satiety, convert rags into Sattins, and all this done by a quick wit, and slight of hand.