(Boy’s voice from the crowd)—“Was ye there, Hawkie? surely, if the stilt could haud ye up!”
“Och, sirs, are ye out already—you’re afore your time—you should hae staid a wee langer in the nest till ye had gotten the feathers on ye, and then ye would hae been a goose worth the looking at.”
(Continues)—“Sic a dredgy as this beggar had wad mak’ our Lords o’ Session lick their lips to hear tell o’—thae gentry come down among us like as mony pouther-monkeys—with their heads dipped in flower-pocks, to gie them the appearance o’ what neither the school nor experience in the world could teach them—gin hangie would gie them a dip through his trap-door, and ding the dust aff their wigs, there’s no a beggar frae John o’ Groats to the Mull o’ Galloway that wadna gie his stilts to help to mak’ a bonfire on the occasion.
“Ye hae the order o’ the procession at the burial—it’s the rank in the profession that entitles to tak’ precedence at a beggar’s burial—ye never hear tell o’ blood relations claiming their right to be nearest the beggar’s banes. We’ll be thinking the warld is on its last legs, and like to throw aff its wallets too, when sic an event occurs.”
(Interrupted)—“Your stilt would, nae doubt, be stumpin’ at the head o’ them a’.”
(Reply)—“Stan’ aside, lads, I’m just wantin’ to see if he has cloots on his trotters, for horns are sae common, nowadays, amang the gentry o’ the blood, whar we should look for an example, that they hae ceased to distinguish the class that nature intended them for.” (Goes on)—“First in order was Tinklers, the beggars’ cavalry, wha being in constant consultation with the gentry of the lang lugs, hae some pretensions to wisdom; next Swindlers, wha mak’ the best bargains they can wi’ their customers, without pretendin’ to hae ony authority for doin’t—no like our black coats, wha can only get authority on ae side, to gang to a scene of mair extensive usefulness, whar the preaching pays better—our brethren of the pock a’ follow this example; they never stay lang whar there’s naething either to get or to tak’—but I’m forgetting mysel’; at their heels were Pickpockets, wha just tak’ the hangman’s helter wi’ them, and gang the length o’ their tether—for hangie aye keeps the hank in his ain hand.
“Next, Chain-drappers—the jewellers in the camp, wha are ready to sell cheap, or half the profits wi’ everybody they meet, and wha are like mony o’ our public instructors—aye get mair than they gie—then Prick-the-loops, wha are sae familiar wi’ the hangman’s loop that they’ve turned the idea into business, and set up wi’ their garter—which they can easily spare, as they hae seldom ony stockings to tie on wi’t; by this simple expedient they mak’ large profits on sma’ capital. Next, Chartered-beggars, or Blue-gowns—wha get a licence frae the authorities to cheat and lie over the whole country.
“Next, the hale clanjamfrey o’ Vagrants—for they’re a’ but beggars’ bairns the best o’ them—Randies, Thieves, Big-beggars, and Wee-beggars, Bane-gatherers and Rowley-powleys. Criers o’ Hanging-speeches—wha, generally, should hae been the subject o’ their ain story—some wi’ weans, but a’ wi’ wallets, broken backs, half arms, and nae arms; some only wi’ half an e’e—ithers, wi’ mair een than nature gied them—and that is an e’e after everything that they can mak’ their ain; snub-noses, cock-noses, and half-noses; Roman-noses, lang-noses—some o’ them like a chuckie-stane, ithers like a jarganell pear; hawk-noses, and goose-noses; and mind ye I dinna find fault wi’ the last kind, for nature does naething in vain, and put it there to suit the head; but whatever the size and description o’ the neb, they could a’ tak’ their pick, for the hale concern, man and mither’s son, had mouths, and whar teeth were wanting, the defect was mair than made up by desperate willin’ gums.
“Some were lame, though their limbs were like ither folks. There are mae stilts made than lame folk, for I maun tell you some gang a-begging and forget their stilts, and hae to gang back for them afore they can come ony speed; ithers hae nae legs to be lame wi’; a few, like mysel’, had only ae guid ane, like the goose in a frosty morning, but made up the loss by the beggars’ locomotive—a stilt—which a poor goose canna handle wi’ advantage.
“The rear o’ this pock procession was closed by bands o’ sweeps, wha are ready for a’ handlings, whar there’s onything to do for the teeth; an’ they hae the advantage o’ us, for they’re aye in Court-dress, and, like honest Collie, dinna need to change their claes.