"I knew I should often have opportunities of meeting her; yet, even although my whole soul yearned to do so, although I found myself beneath the power of her beautiful eyes, and dedicated to her that superabundant adoration which is always united to a first love, yet it was not this alone that decided me to follow her advice, but still more that dark longing which, from childhood upwards, had been animated within me, to find a new solution for the enigma of the world, which it was so difficult to fathom, and to find the key for many an internal occurrence that had seemed to me like a revelation of the Divine.
"The preacher received me with great friendliness, and did not hesitate to grant my wish. His conversation fell easily upon much that was scientific and worldly; to many questions about the state of enthusiasm under which I laboured, he was able to give adroit information. It certainly touched what I felt, but did not satisfy me. Then he assumed a still more friendly mien, and began to initiate me into the secrets of the community, so far as this was practicable for a novice.
"I learned that the sect consisted of various circles, all, indeed, around the same centre, but in greater or lesser proximity, and that it did not tend to the benefit of those more remote to know everything that was revealed to those who stood nearest. Still, the preacher informed me that several women and girls occupied the highest position amongst those who were enlightened, and belonged to the favoured natures of light, beneath whose protection he himself stood.
"Certainly all this did not sound very satisfactory, but mysterious and exciting enough. A far off goal was set to all efforts; truths displayed themselves in semi-veiled outlines, which must later be revealed fully and clearly to the seeker, even if now they admitted manifold interpretations.
"In short, with a good heart, I put out to sea beneath the flag of the mysterious creed. The minister dismissed me with a kiss and shake of the hand.
"I hastened to my aunt; there Frau Salden was awaiting me; she knew the time and hour of my appointment with the minister. Much delighted, she heard my news; her features became animated, her eye was radiant.
"When my aunt was called away by some domestic concern, Frau Salden rose, came towards me with a grave, inspired countenance, greeted me as a member of the congregation, as her brother, and pressed a kiss upon my lips.
"It was the holy kiss of a sister, the seraphic kiss, the consecration of the bond of saints! Did not male and female cousins and indifferent relatives kiss one another according to the right of cousinship; how much higher stood the right of spiritual relationship! Certainly, for many such a kiss would only be a pious symbol, for many, a form of but little significance. It was different with me, different with this woman! Until now, I had remained a stranger to all intercourse of affection and love; how unapproachable all womankind had appeared to me!
"This kiss was the first kiss of initiation; but not the secret of the community did it reveal to me, the secret of life itself. It metamorphosed me inwardly; every feeling of estrangement it swept away from me; woman no longer stood before me as a far-removed saint; she appeared to be desirable, to promise felicity.
"And could it be otherwise?