A Diversity of Creatures

by Rudyard Kipling

'Credidimus, we--believe--we have believed,' he opened in hesitating slow time, 'tonantem Joven, thundering Jove--regnare, to reign--caelo, in heaven. Augustus, Augustus--habebitur, will be held or considered--praesens divus, a present God--adjectis Britannis, the Britons being added--imperio, to the Empire--gravibusque Persis, with the heavy--er, stern Persians.'

'What?'

'The grave or stern Persians.' Beetle pulled up with the 'Thank-God-I-have-done-my-duty' air of Nelson in the cockpit.

'I am quite aware,' said King, 'that the first stanza is about the extent of your knowledge, but continue, sweet one, continue. Gravibus, by the way, is usually translated as "troublesome."'

Beetle drew a long and tortured breath. The second stanza (which carries over to the third) of that Ode is what is technically called a 'stinker.' But M'Turk had done him handsomely.

'Milesne Crassi, had--has the soldier of Crassus--vixit, lived--turpis maritus, a disgraceful husband--'

'You slurred the quantity of the word after turpis,' said King. 'Let's hear it.'

Beetle guessed again, and for a wonder hit the correct quantity. 'Er--a disgraceful husband--conjuge barbara, with a barbarous spouse.'

'Why do you select that disgustful equivalent out of all the dictionary?' King snapped. 'Isn't "wife" good enough for you?'

'Yes, sir. But what do I do about this bracket, sir? Shall I take it now?'