After I had sold the last bottle I would clear my throat and say:
“Now, gentlemen, before distributing this pie, which, I admit, is largely intended to advertise the most successful remedy ever placed on the market, I wish to make a few closing remarks about my business.
“We are selling this medicine strictly on its merits, which we consider unsurpassed. If there is any man in this crowd who has purchased for any other reason than for its actual merits, I want that man to step right up here and get his money back. I want to impress you with the fact, even though I may be a street fakir, that I am an honest man, and, if I am aware of it, will never deal with a dishonest person, or one who doubts the quality of the goods I sell.
“I also desire to add that if there is any one who questions the legitimacy of our advertising, who thinks it has been money thrown away, or so unscrupulous or dishonest as to patronize me with the sole purpose of beating a poor street fakir, I ask him as a white man and a gentleman to come up here, get his money back and return the medicine before I distribute the ‘pie.’ Others who would use the article are vainly waiting to purchase, and this manly course may save some valuable life in the near future. As for men of the other class, I neither ask their money, nor want their patronage.”
Then there would be a pause. Of course, no one would come up, and I would conclude by saying:
“I promised every man who patronized me a piece of pie, and I am going to keep my word. The money is put in an envelope, and every gentleman who invested in the late sale will step up to the carriage, show his package and receive his pie.
They would come crowding around, and after the doctor and I had distributed the envelopes with lightning rapidity, the driver would whip up the horses and we would go away at a gallop.
The last envelopes we handed out contained only nickles.
It takes nerve, of course, to do such work, and it did not do to repeat it often in the same part of the state, as news of it extended rapidly and to quite a distance. That made no difference to us. In the outset, it was agreed that I was to be at liberty to work my own side lines, and though I soon was recognized as a partner, rather than as an assistant, and was paid very fairly, I did not altogether neglect my private interests. Amongst other things, I had sent me, as soon as I had obtained a little more capital, a lot of imported pipes. They were made in Germany and were a close imitation of real meerschaum. Each had a neat imitation amber mouthpiece, and was packed in a dark paper case. The pipes were small, made in fancy designs, and cost me two dollars and a half a dozen. I made my profit by disposing of them between the legitimate sales of our medicine.
I had, also, some very pretty ladies’ watches, gold plated, which I had bought for four dollars and a half each. With every twelve pipes sold I raffled off one of these watches, proceeding in a manner entirely original with me, as I shall explain.