Perhaps the doctor had been fairly successful with medicine. Then we would give a little musical interlude, and I would come forward. I would open with a nonsensical story, old now, but which was certainly very effective then. I had a dozen of them pat for every occasion, and by keeping an ear open for local news could make at least the opening of my address sound very appropriate. For instance, if I had heard of a runaway that created some little excitement I would begin like this:
“While walking down your street this afternoon I was witness to a fearful runaway.
“In a wagon drawn by a powerful and spirited team of horses was a man, with a couple whom I took to be his wife and child. At a glance I judged the man to be intoxicated, though perhaps I was mistaken. He was applying his whip in a frantic manner, as though to test the speed of his team right there in the public street, and the more he whipped the horses the faster they ran, and the more unmanageable they became. They kept going faster and faster and faster, until they looked like a whirlwind of horse flesh and a regular tornado of wagon fixtures. I heard the screams of the frightened woman, and the shrill cry of the terrified child. But I was powerless to reach them, and, gazing with clasped hands, could only whisper: ‘God help them.’
“Under such circumstances a catastrophe was inevitable, and it was not long in coming. In their madness the horses dashed into a lamp-post, wrecking the wagon and hurling the man, woman and child far into the street.
“Providentially, as it might seem, not one of them was seriously injured, and the man, rising to his feet, began to swear over the ruins. The body of the wagon was in kindling wood, and one of the wheels, wrenched from its bearings, lay beside it.
“A policeman unaccountably happened to be on the spot and took in the situation.
“Without saying a word he picked up the wheel and marched with it to the station house.
“That was a touch beyond me, and I have had considerable experience with the working of the average policeman’s brain. I couldn’t for the life of me understand what he meant by his action. My curiosity was aroused, and I followed for the purpose of investigation.
“Walking up to the officer, I said, ‘Mr. Policeman, what in the world was your idea in arresting that wheel?’
“He answered, “I did it because it was off its nut.’”