Good Form and Christian Etiquette

by S. M. I. Henry

There are a few principles which are always a safeguard and defense to those who will be controlled by them, which if woven into familiar thought will render correctness in the details of conduct spontaneous and inevitable. And yet circumstances may modify this fact. It is sometimes slow work to get hold of a principle; and some specific teaching as to just what to do, and what not to do, will often be a great help to even those who are pure of heart, and have a mind to avoid the appearance of evil.

Every detail of life must take note of the fact that the human unit called man was created male and female, and must begin his earthly career as boy and girl, each at best but a half of this unit. This, with many correlated facts, must be kept before us in the process of training. Up to a certain period boys and girls can play together and associate with perfect unconsciousness of any difference between them, but the careful parent and teacher must be alert with reference to the time when nature awakens, after which their association can only be safely on two lines,—Christian work and general good fellowship; and these always under the chaperonage of some reliable and mature woman. This is especially necessary in all lines of work to which Christian young people in these days of special activity among the youth would be urged, such as missionary meetings, cottage meetings, Sabbath-school, house-to-house visiting. Without such chaperonage, boys and girls, young men and young women, should never go together, even in Christian work; but girls by themselves, and boys by themselves.

This is made necessary by the fact that nature has been perverted, that the enemy of all purity has taken possession of every avenue of thought, even from the cradle, and has filled the mind of childhood with unprofitable imaginings, for which the only cure is the knowledge of the truth pure and simple, adapted to their comprehension, and such opportunities for association as shall make them mutual helps without stimulating that self-consciousness that leads to curiosity and evil suggestion.

Any allusion which would give the children an idea of the anxious thoughts which you entertain for them should be studiously avoided. Teach and practise them in all which constitutes true decorum while they are still too young to understand its significance and necessity, so that when the time comes that the youth shall need “good form” habits for the protection of a good name, he will have them already, as a part of that second nature which good breeding produces. The first teaching will naturally apply without any reference to sex differences, to that conduct which should prevail between a company of girls and boys each in companies by themselves.

First, as to manners in public. Boys and girls should grow up with the idea that it is a great deal nicer for girls to keep each other company, and for boys to do the same, than for boys and girls to go together. Teach your boy to protect the girls of his acquaintance from any annoyance which his presence anywhere could produce. Make him understand that carefulness in this regard is the beginning of genuine manliness. Teach both boys and girls to be reserved and modest in their deportment toward all other boys and girls alike, boys toward boys, and girls toward girls. That boisterous familiarity among boys together is so unbecoming as always to breed contempt.

By this I would not have my readers infer that good form in behavior must in the least interfere with the “good times” that children and youth ought to enjoy. It does not prevent that happy freedom which can alone make real “play” possible. Running, jumping, climbing trees, shouting, hallooing, can all be done without any violation of a single principle of good form as applied to childhood life. The trouble is that many parents and teachers have the idea that any form of conduct to be “good” must be grown-up and gray-headed, whereas one of the very worst of bad forms is for a child to appear old. Good form, the genuine sort, like every other good thing, will admit of any conduct which will promote strength of body, soul, and spirit. Real strength, which must always include the whole being, is perfectly safe, and a perpetual source of joy in the Holy Guest. Many popular plays and games, however, are so far removed from every principle which should control action and association, that they can not be indulged without rudeness, brutality, and in many cases that sort of familiarity which leads to immorality, and should be thrown into the heap with all other bad manners.

It is bad form for two, three, or more persons to walk in an irregular huddle on the street, as children sometimes do, going backward facing the rear of the procession in order that conversation may be carried on. Even young children should be taught that the running, leaping, jumping, loud talking and laughter, which would be all right in the back yard, on some playground, or in the open country, is never to be indulged on the public street; that the moment the street is reached the deportment should become quiet, and have thoughtful reference to the comfort of the public.

They should understand the obvious reasons for this: A running child is practically a blind and deaf one; he must have plenty of room, or he will be almost sure to collide with something or somebody; in town will be in danger of teams or cars. The rule for the street should be: Steady, quiet, careful, eyes to the front, no loud talking or laughing, no play, no swapping of knives, no reading, no chewing or eating, no clearing the throat or spitting if it can possibly be avoided. If this last is impossible, let it be done in the most unobtrusive manner, behind a kerchief; in short, let nothing be done which would inevitably draw the attention of passers-by, causing special notice and comment.

The craze for notoriety manifests itself in a thousand repulsive forms of street behavior, through which the grossest temptations attack the untaught and careless; and those parents who would protect their children from many nameless dangers must teach them good form as applied to street life.

Nowhere does good breeding reveal itself more quickly than in the quiet, unobtrusive “I-am-minding-my-own-business” air of the girl or boy, who, with an armful of books held closely, looking neither to the right nor to the left, clips to and from school; or if walking and talking together by twos, it is with steady carriage and voices so modulated that no passer-by will overhear a word, nor think of being jostled.