These regulations not only put honor upon marriage, but render it more common among the Chinese than almost any other people, thereby preventing a vast train of evils. The tendency of unrestrained desire to throw down the barriers to the gratification of lust must not be lost sight of; and as no laws on this subject can be effectual unless the common sense of a people approve of them, the Chinese, by separating the sexes in general society, have removed a principal provocation to sin, and by compelling young men to fulfil the marriage contracts of their parents have also provided a safeguard against debauchery at the age when youth is most tempted to indulge, and when indulgence would most strongly disincline them to marry at all. They have, moreover, provided for the undoubted succession of the inheritance by disallowing more than one wife, and yet have granted men the liberty they would otherwise take, and which immemorial usage in Asiatic countries has sanctioned. They have done as well as they could in regulating a difficult matter, and better, on the whole, perhaps, than in most other unchristianized countries. If any one supposes, however, that because these laws exist sins against the seventh commandment are uncommon in China, he will be as mistaken as those who infer that because the Chinese are pagans nothing like modesty, purity, or affection exists between the sexes.
When a girl “spills the tea”—that is, loses her betrothed by death—public opinion honors her if she refuse a second engagement; and instances are cited of young ladies committing suicide rather than contract a second marriage. They sometimes leave their father’s house and live with the parents of their affianced husband as if they had been really widows. It is considered derogatory for widows to marry; though it may be that the instances quoted in books with so much praise only indicate how rare the practice is in reality. The widow is occasionally sold for a concubine by her father-in-law, and the grief and contumely of her degradation is enhanced by separation from her children, whom she can no longer retain. Such cases are, however, not common, for the impulses of maternal affection are too strong to be thus trifled with, and widows usually look to their friends for support, or to their own exertions if their children be still young; they are assisted, too, by their relatives in this laudable industry and care. It is a lasting stigma to a son to neglect the comfort and support of his widowed mother. A widower is not restrained by any laws, and weds one of his concubines or whomsoever he chooses; nor is he expected to defer the nuptials for any period of mourning for his first wife.
The seven legal reasons for divorce, viz., barrenness, lasciviousness, jealousy, talkativeness, thievery, disobedience to her husband’s parents, or leprosy, are almost nullified by the single provision that a woman cannot be put away whose parents are not living to receive her back again. Parties can separate on mutual disagreement, but the code does not regulate the alimony; and a husband is liable to punishment if he retain a wife convicted of adultery. If a wife merely elopes she can be sold by her husband, but if she marry while absent she is to be strangled; if the husband be absent three years a woman must state her case to the magistrates before presuming to re-marry.
PRIVILEGES AND POSITION OF WIVES AND WIDOWS.
In regard to the general condition of females in China the remark of De Guignes is applicable, that “though their lot is less happy than that of their sisters in Europe, their ignorance of a better state renders their present or prospective one more supportable; happiness does not always consist in absolute enjoyment, but in the idea which we have formed of it.”[373] She does not feel that any injustice is done her by depriving her of the right of assent as to whom her partner shall be; her wishes and her knowledge go no farther than her domestic circle, and where she has been trained in her mother’s apartments to the various duties and accomplishments of her sex, her removal to a husband’s house brings to her no great change.
This, however, is not always the case, and the power accorded to the husband over his wife and family is often used with great tyranny. The young wife finds in her new home little of the sympathy and love her sisters in Christian lands receive. Her mother-in-law is not unfrequently the source of her greatest trials, and demands from her both the submission of a child and the labor of a slave, which is not seldom returned by disobedience and bitter revilings. If the husband interfere she has less likelihood of escaping his exactions; though in the lower walks of life his cruelty is restrained by fear of losing her and her services, and in the upper diverted by indifference as to what she does, in the pursuit of other objects. If the wife behave well till she herself becomes a mother and a mother-in-law, then the tables are turned; from being a menial she becomes almost a goddess. Luhchau, a writer on female culture, mentions the following indirect mode of reproving a mother-in-law: “Loh Yang travelled seven years to improve himself, during which time his wife diligently served her mother-in-law and supported her son at school. The poultry from a neighbor’s house once wandered into her garden, and her mother-in-law stole and killed them for eating. When she sat down to table and saw the fowls she would not dine, but burst into tears, at which the old lady was much surprised and asked the reason. ‘I am much distressed that I am so poor and cannot afford to supply you with all I wish I could, and that I should have caused you to eat flesh belonging to another.’ Her parent was affected by this, and threw away the dish.”
UNHAPPY BETROTHMENTS.
The evils attending early betrothment induce many parents to defer engaging their daughters until they are grown, and a husband of similar tastes can be found; for even if the condition of the families in the interval of betrothment and marriage unsuitably change, or the lad grows up to be a dissipated, worthless, or cruel man, totally unworthy of the girl, still the contract must be fulfilled, and the worst party generally is most anxious for it. The unhappy bride in such cases often escapes from her present sufferings and dismal prospects by suicide. A case occurred in Canton in 1833 where a young wife, visiting her parents shortly after marriage, so feelingly described her sufferings at the hands of a cruel husband to her sisters and friends that she and three of her auditors joined their hands together and drowned themselves in a pond, she to escape present misery and they to avoid its future possibility. Another young lady, having heard of the worthless character of her intended, carried a bag of money with her in the sedan, and when they retired after the ceremonies were over thus addressed him: “Touch me not; I am resolved to abandon the world and become a nun. I shall this night cut off my hair. I have saved $200, which I give you; with the half you can purchase a concubine, and with the rest enter on some trade. Be not lazy and thriftless. Hereafter, remember me.” Saying this, she cut off her hair, and her husband and his kindred, fearing suicide if they opposed her, acquiesced, and she returned to her father’s house.[374] Such cases are common enough to show the dark side of family life, and young ladies implore their parents to rescue them in this or some other way from the sad fate which awaits them. Sometimes girls become skilled in female accomplishments to recommend themselves to their husbands, and their disappointment is the greater when they find him to be a brutal, depraved tyrant. A melancholy instance of this occurred in Canton in 1840, which ended in the wife committing suicide. Her brother had been a scholar of one of the American missionaries, and took a commendable pride in showing specimens of his sister’s exquisite embroidery, and not a few of her attainments in writing, which indicated their reciprocal attachment. The contrary happens too, sometimes, where the husband finds himself compelled to wed a woman totally unable to appreciate or share his pursuits, but he has means of alleviating or avoiding such misalliances which the weaker vessel has not. On the whole, as we have said, one must admit that woman holds a fairly high position in China. If she suffers from the brutality of her husband, the tyranny of her mother-in-law, or the overwork of household, field, or loom, she is as often herself blameworthy for indolence, shiftlessness, gadding, and bad temper. The instances which are given by Gray[375] in his account of marital atrocities prove the length to which a man will wreak his rage on the helpless; but they are the exception to the general testimony of the people themselves. So far as general purity of society goes, one may well doubt whether such abominable conduct as is legalized among Mormons in Utah is any improvement on the hardships of woman among the Chinese.
Pursuing this brief account of the social life of the Chinese, the right of parents in managing their children comes into notice. It is great, though not unlimited, and in allowing them very extensive power, legislators have supposed that natural affection of the parents, a desire to continue the honorable succession of the family, together with the influence of proper education, were as good securities against paternal cruelty and neglect as any laws which could be made. Fathers give their sons the ju ming, or ‘milk name,’ about a month after birth. The mother, on the day appointed for this ceremony, worships and thanks the goddess of Mercy, and the boy, dressed and having his head shaved, is brought into the circle of assembled friends, where the father confers the name and celebrates the occasion by a feast. The milk name is kept until the lad enters school, at which time the shu ming, or ‘school name,’ is conferred upon him, as already mentioned. The shu ming generally consists of two characters, selected with reference to the boy’s condition, prospects, studies, or some other event connected with him; sometimes the milk name is continued, as the family have become accustomed to it. Such names as Ink-grinder, Promising-study, Opening-olive, Entering-virtue, Rising-advancement, etc., are given to young students at this time. Though endearing or fanciful names are often conferred, it is quite as common to vilify very young children by calling them dog, hog, puppy, flea, etc., under the idea that such epithets will ward off the evil eye. Girls have only their milk and marriage names; the former may be a flower, a sister, a gem, or such like; the latter are terms like Emulating the Moon, Orchis Flower, the Jasmine, Delicate Perfume, etc. A mere number at Canton, as A-yat, A-sam, A-luk (No. 1, No. 3, No. 6), often designates the boys till they get their book names.[376]