Have you Physicians among you? We have, said I, Men of extensive Charity, great Humility, profound Learning, without the least Tincture of Vanity. They are so very conscientious, that shou'd they prescribe for a Patient, and he recover before he had taken all the Druggs brought in, they will pay for those which remain, out of their own Pockets. They never take a fee, but when they prescribe, tho' they visit you frequently, and never prescribe, without they see an absolute Necessity. They are so modest, that they attribute the Recovery of a Person to divine Providence, and are ready to accuse themselves of Ignorance or Negligence should he die under their Hands.
Have you any Lawyers in your part of the World? Lawyers, said I, we have, but not more than necessary.
You have then, said my Lord, very few, or are a litigious People. What sort of Creatures are they? They are, said I, brought up many Years in the Study of the Laws, and pass a strict Examination, not only as to their Knowledge, but their Morals, before they are admitted to the Bar; which is the Reason, that we have no Tricks, no Delays, to weary and ruine the poor Client who has a Right, but no Money; they come directly to the Merits of the Cause, and never endeavour by their Rhetorick to put a fair Face on a bad one; and not one, if his Client does not deceive him, will appear on the Side of Oppression or Injustice; and if he is himself impos'd upon, when he perceives it, he will not defend the Wrong. This Care of examining into the Probity of the Students, and Candidates for the Bar, is the Reason our Lawyers are very near in as great Reputation as our Priests.
Do you know from what you have said, Probusomo, that I conclude your Statesmen Fools, and that you will soon fall a Prey to some other Nation; or you either very ignorant of your National Affairs, or a very great Lyar; or otherwise think me easily impos'd upon. I have been many Years at the Head of the Cacklogallinian Affairs, under our August Master, Hippomina Connuferento, Darling of the Sun, Delight of the Moon, Terror of the Universe, Gate of Happiness, Source of Honour, Disposer of Kingdoms, and High Priest of the Cacklogallinian Church. I have, I say, long, in Obedience to this Most Potent Prince, acted as Prime Minister, and to tell me, that such a one will baulk his Master's, or his own Interest, on the Score of Religion; nay, in his publick Capacity, that he believes one Word of it, or has Ears for Justice or Compassion, wou'd be the same thing as telling me, a Flatterer, in his Encomiums has a strict Eye to Truth, or that a Poet who writes in Praise of great Men, believes them really possess'd of the Virtues he attributes to 'em, and has no other View in his Epistle than that of edifying others, by shewing the bright Example of his Patrons. My Business now calls me to Court; the Emperor, as yet, has never heard of you: For whoever dares acquaint him with any thing, without my Permission, passes his Time very ill. To Morrow, I'll present you to His Majesty.
He left the Room, and I retired to my Apartment, where none cou'd come at me, but who pass'd thro' my Lord's, which was Death to do, or even to fly within Twenty Yards of his House, without Permission. Nay, the proudest among them, and those of the highest Rank alight at his Outer-gate, and walk into the House.
The next Morning my Lord came into my Apartment:
"Well, Probusomo, said he, I intend this Day to present you to his Imperial Majesty; and tho' you are of a Species hitherto unknown in our Parts of the World, and are, for that Reason, look'd upon as a kind of Monster, as perhaps one of us should be, were we to appear in your Nation, yet I have observ'd some Points of Discretion in your Behaviour, and I begin to have a Kindness for you, for which Reason I intend to instruct you how to demean your self; and if you are wise enough to act and be guided by the Counsels I shall prescribe to you, while you are at Court, I can, in spite of your awkard Form, get you naturalized, and then perhaps may prefer you to some Charge in the Government, considerable enough to enable you to pass the rest of your Days in Ease and Plenty.
"You that don't know what a Court is (proceeded he) should receive some Idea of it before you enter there. You must first be informed, that Emperors do not always trouble themselves with the Affairs of State; for they sometimes pass their whole Lives in a continued Round of indolent Pleasures, while their Favourites govern all. I don't doubt but you have already made your Observation upon the servile Crowd who attend my Motions, who wait upon my Commands, with an Obsequiousness that perhaps is not practised in your Parts of the World, betwixt Creatures of the same Species, yet many of them hate me, as I do them,—perhaps you'll think this strange; but when the secret Springs of this Attachment to my Interest come to unfold themselves to you, which will soon happen, by the Observations I see you are capable of making, your Admiration will cease. However, I shall be a little particular in explaining some Matters to you, that you may thereby be the better qualified to serve my Interest.
"You must then know, that all this assiduous Court is not paid to my Person, but to my Place. They know, that I not only hold the Reins of the Government in my Hands, but keep the publick Treasure under my own Eye, and that the Power of giving is only mine. It is not their Love, but their Avarice, that makes them thus obedient to my Nod; and the same Respect would be paid to the meanest of my Domesticks, were such a one put in my Place.
"Their Hatred to me proceeds from various Causes. In some it is Envy, because they think themselves affronted and injur'd by my great Rise, as knowing themselves to be of greater Consideration in their Country, and fancifying themselves themselves to be as well qualified by their Parts. Others again are out of Humour, because I do not comply with all their unreasonable Demands, their Luxury always keeping them necessitous. Some of these are such as have Parts enough to be troublesome; they are hard to be managed, and indeed are the most dangerous Creatures I have to deal with. There is a third Sort, who hate and oppose me, only because they love their Country, but these I don't much fear, for their Party is very weak at present.