I answer'd, it was very true; but that such Fowls were otherwise serviceable in the Government, had handsome Wives or Daughters, or could procure such of their Acquaintance, or perhaps were elected into the Grand Council of the Nation, and had a Vote to dispose of. But, Sir, I will deal with you ingenuously, I can do you no Service at all in this Affair; for the Minister has so many Bable-Cypherians (in English, Members of the Great Council) to oblige, and they have so many Valet de Chambres, Butlers, and Footmen to provide for in the Hospital, that it's more likely the Officers and Soldiers now there will be turn'd out to make Place for them, than any other will be admitted. If you have Interest to get a Number of these Bable-Cypherians to back your Petition, which you may get, if you can bribe and cajole the Attendants of their Squabbaws, or their own Valets, it's possible you may succeed in your Pretensions.
"I'll sooner, said he, starve, than be guilty of so great a Condescension, or more properly, so mean an Action." This he said with some Warmth, and I replied as coolly, it was in his own Option. "I find then, said the Colonel, you won't serve me." I have, said I, given you Reasons which prove this Way I cannot: But if giving your Petition and Certificates to the Emperor will be of use, I'll venture to do it for you. "The Emperor, replied he, is a good Prince, but has little Interest with the Minister; and to hope any thing, but thro' his Canal, is altogether vain." Saying this, he took his Leave in a very courteous manner. The Minister was inform'd, that I had entertain'd a long Discourse with this Officer, and ask'd me the Subject of it. I told him what he desired, but that I declined troubling his Excellency with such Trifles.
"These Fowls, said he, who build on their own Merit, are extremely impertinent. The Colonel now in Question is one of your Fowls who might by his Principles have made a Fortune, had he lived Two or Three Hundred Years ago; but they are now obsolete, and he starves by tenaciously practising his musty Morals. Why, he'll have the Impudence to be always speaking Truth; and tho' he has been thrust out of the Palace for this Vice more than once, he is not to be corrected. He will tell a Fowl of Quality without Ceremony, that he's a Pimp, and was raised by the Hens of his Family: He'll make no Bones of telling another, if his Prudence made him decline Danger, that he's a Coward: A Third he'll impudently remind of his former Livery, tho' his good Fortune has raised him to the Title of a Grandee. Nay, he had the Face to tell me, upon my refusing to take his Petition, That it was great Pity, when I was imprisoned for Peculation, that the Justice of the Nation did not first purge, and then hang me; that I was a publick Robber, and deserv'd the Gallows more richly than a common Thief. His Poverty and Folly made me pity and pardon him, if leaving him to be laugh'd at and starv'd, are to be esteemed no Punishment. As I really pity'd the Fowl, I found where he lodged, and supplied him with sufficient to keep him above Want, tho' I would never trust him with the Knowledge of his Benefactor, nor would ever after be seen to give him the least Countenance."
[The Character of the Cacklogallinians in general.]
THE Cacklogallinians were, in former Ages, a Wise and a Warlike Nation, both fear'd and esteem'd by their Neighbours. Their Blood was pure, without being mix'd with that of the Owls, Magpies, Eagles, Vulturs, Jays, Partridges, Herns, Hawks, or any other Species; the Scum of which Nation, by the Fertility of the Country, and the want of Foresight in the Cacklogallinians, has been allured to, and permitted to settle in Cacklogallinia, and by their Intermarriages has caused the great Degeneracy those Families, which have kept their Blood untainted, complain of.
The History of their Neighbours are standing Witnesses of the Worth of their Ancestors, and shew the vast Difference between the ancient and modern Cacklogallinians. The former, tho' tenacious of their Liberty, were remarkable for their Loyalty; and each thought it his peculiar Interest zealously to promote that of the Publick. But not to be prolix in the Character of the old Cacklogallinians, I shall give it in few Words. They were what the English now are, Wise, Modest, Brave, Human, Loyal, Publick-spirited, capable of governing their own, and conquering other Kingdoms; Hospitable to Strangers: They encourag'd Merit, and abominated Flattery. A Pimp in those Days wou'd have starv'd, and even the Concubine of a Prince not been admitted among Hens of Virtue, tho' to make the Fortune of a Husband. There was no Upstarts among the Nobility, and if any were rais'd to Titles, it was by Force of a conspicuous Merit, which gave a Lustre to the August Assembly in which he was enroll'd. Justice was impartially administer'd, and the selling of the People to a Prince or Minister, was a Villainy unknown. None bribed the People to chuse 'em for their Representatives; Posts in the Government were given to Fowls capable to serve it, without being burthened with this or that Family, nor were their Revenues loaded with Pensions to worthless and vicious Persons, and given for Services which would be a Disgrace to publish. Trade flourish'd, Money was plenty, none of their Neighbours durst encroach on their Commerce; their Taxes were inconsiderable: In a Word, as I before said, they were what our happy Nation now is, admired for the Prudence of their Administration at home, and the Terror of their Arms abroad. They are now directly the Reverse of what they were, and even in my Time, they were sinking in the Opinion of their Neighbours, who began to consider them as a declining Nation, which Alteration, I must own (for I love to speak the Truth) was not a little owing to the Administration of my Friend, the first Minister, who in taking upon him to manage the Interests of Nations, went out of his Depth, for Affairs of that Nature seemed to be above his Capacity. His Education, his Study, his Practice, were rather mercantile, than otherwise, and all that Knowledge which his Partizans boast so much in him, was confined to the Business of the Taxes, a Road in which he was (as it were) grown old, and to Money-Projects, which was owing to a strict Correspondence he always kept with certain projecting and mercantile People, and being used to carry all Points at home by Gold, he knew no other way of doing Business abroad; so that when their Neighbours used to differ among themselves, about some Points of Interest, and one Side or other stood in Need of the Assistance of the Cacklogallinians, they sometimes push'd themselves into the Quarrel, and perhaps paid great Sums of Money for the Favour of sending Armies to the Succour of one Side or other, so that they became the Tools which other Nations work'd with. They are naturally prone to Rebellion, have let the Cormorants chouse them out of several valuable Branches of their Commerce; and yet the Cormorants are People with whom they have kept the most lasting Friendship of all their Neighbours. They love War, and rather than not fight, they will give Money to be let into the Quarrel (as has been hinted before) they know beforehand, however victorious they may prove, nothing but Blows will fall to their Share. If they are under a mild Government, and grow rich, they are always finding Fault with their Superiors, and ever ready to revolt: But if they are oppress'd and kept poor, like our Spaniels, they fawn on their Masters, and seem in Love with Tyranny; which should any dare to speak against, he is esteem'd an Enemy to the Happiness of his Country. They are very proud, yet very mean in some Particulars, and will, for their Interest, sacrifice the Honour of their Families. They look upon nothing infamous but Poverty, for which Reason, the most scandalous Methods of procuring Riches, such as Lying, Robbing the Publick, Cheating Orphans, Pimping, Perjury, & c. are not look'd upon with evil Eyes, provided they prove successful. This Maxim holds with 'em, both in publick and private Affairs. I knew One rais'd from a Fowl of Three Foot Six Inches, to be a Makeseulsibi, a Post which rais'd him to Eight Foot Six, and is one of the greatest in the Kingdom. He is to instruct the Grandees, when in Council, in Points of Law, and is Guardian to all Orphans. Complaint was made to the Emperor, that he converted their Estates to his own Use, and left them all to starve; he was therefore, by the Emperor's Consent, and to satisfy the People, brought to a Tryal. He answer'd, That he did not deny the Charge; but that he wanted the Money to make a Figure equal to his Post: However, the Enquiry discover'd his vast Acqusitions, and prov'd him to be so rich, that he was look'd upon with Respect, and he lived and died in as much Grandeur, and Tranquillity, as if he had been a Patriot, and at his Funeral, his great Service to his Country was blazon'd out in Figures and Hieroglyphicks by the Heralds; which being a thing I seem'd amaz'd at, and enquiring of many, how it came to pass, that a Fowl should be treated with Honour, who had been esteem'd an Oppressor? the common Answer was, he died rich, and that was enough for all Honours.
[The Religion of the Cacklogallinians.]
THIS Nation pretends to believe a first Being, and to worship one God, tho' I confess, when I was first amongst them, I thought otherwise; for I Found the People of the best Rank amongst them always ridiculing Religion. They had formerly a Globe of pure Gold in their Temples, an Emblem of Eternity: It was inscribed with unintelligible Characters, by which they figured the Inscrurability of his Decrees. This some call'd superstitious, and were for having razed, and the Ball, which was, in their Opinion, too big, new melted, and cast into a different Form. Some were for a Square, to give an Emblem, of Justice; others would have it, an Octogon, by which they would shadow his Ubiquity. Another Party insisted upon its being cast again, but in no regular Form; for all Forms and Regularity they look'd upon superstitious. Their Disputes on this Subject ran so high, that they came to Blows, and each Party, as it was victorious, modelled the Globe to his own Humour or Caprice. But the Ball being so often melted, and Part of the Gold being lost in each Fusion, it was at last almost imperceivable. These Bickerings shed a great deal of Blood, and being at length tired with worrying each other upon this Account, a new Globe was cast, but not exactly round, to satisfy tender Consciences. In process of Time, it was thought that a brazen Globe might do as well as one of Gold, and new Disputes beginning to arise, it was decreed, that this Globe should stand in the Temple, but that every one in particular should have at home an Idol after his own Fashion provided they wou'd only bow to this, and the Revenues were continued to the Priests to furnish Sacrifices. The Heads of the Priests at last thinking these Sacrifices altogether needless, and a very great Expence, dropp'd 'em by Degrees: However, some say this was done by some of the Grandees, as a Means to make the Priests less respected, and put the Money in their own Coffers, which has made them both rich and insolent. They were formerly a cunning Set, but they are not look'd upon as such now, for they take but little Care, either to cultivate the Interest, or support the Credit and Dignity of their Order; and as some of them are given to Luxury, which they have not taken due Care to conceal, the common Sort do not entertain the same Respect for them they did in former Times.
However, the poor Clergy (for they are not all rich, Affairs of Religion being modell'd after those of the State, the Great devouring the Small) lead moral Lives, and there is a Sect amongst them which keeps up the golden Ball, continues the Sacrifices, and detests Perjury; but these are obliged to perform their Ceremonies by Stealth, and are prosecuted as an obstinate ill-designing People.
The Grandees have no Statues in their Houses; they own indeed a Deity, some of them at least, but don't think the worshipping that Deity of any Consequence. The meaner People began to be as polite as the Courtiers, and to have as little Religion, before I left Cacklogallinia. This Irreligion I can attribute to nothing so much as the Contempt of the Clergy, whom some of the Nobility, especially of the Court, have endeavour'd to render hateful and ridiculous to the People, by representing them as a lazy, useless, Order of Birds, no better than the Drones. They also chufe out now and then, some to place at their Head, who had distinguish'd themselves for their Infidelity, and had declared themselves Enemies to the Religion of the Country, by which means the whole Order lost their Sway with the People; besides which, the richer Sort amongst them were generally reputed to be much addicted to Gluttony.