[Of the Policy and Government of the Cacklogallinians.]
THE Cacklogallinians boast mightily of their being the only Nation in the World which enjoys Liberty, and therefore, upon all Occasions, they talk of, and treat the rest of the World as Slaves. They pretend to maintain, that their Monarchy being elective, their Emperors are no more than their Servants, and that they can exercise no longer a Power, than they are pleas'd to give it them, which is just as much as will serve to put the Laws in Execution, and keep the great Machine of Government in good Order; and that whenever he attempts to transgress those Bounds, they make no Ceremony of turning him out, and setting up another in his Room. But, by what I could judge by my own proper Observation, this appeared to me, to be no more than an empty Boast (for indeed the Cacklogallinians are apt to run into an Extravagance of Vanity, whenever they speak of themselves) for in my Time my Friend and Patron the first Minister acted as absolutely, and dependently of all Creatures (except of the Squabbaws) as the most arbitrary Prince, who acknowledges no Law but his own Will and Pleasure.
It is, true there is a Council consisting of a great Number of Persons, in whose Name all great Affairs relating to the Civil Government are transacted, the Members of which Council are call'd Bable-Cypherians; but it is no Secret, that the first Minister causes whom he pleases to sit in this Council, as well as turns out any Person he dislikes; and while I was amongst them, there happen'd some Instances of what I maintain; and he contrived to have several whom he suspected of being Enemies to his Family, or to his Administration, to be disgraced from the said Council, and others appointed in their Places: Nay, I have often seen several worthless Birds paying their Court to the first Minister, and solliciting him to be admitted into the Great Council, in the same manner that they begg'd for an Employment; yet at the same time, if you were to talk to a Cacklogallinian, he wou'd pretend to persuade you, that no Fowl of any Rank or Quality whatsoever can ever sit in the said Council, but by the Majority of free Voices of Persons who are his Equals. But as I oserv'd before, they are so possess'd with a Spirit of boasting, that when they talk of themselves, there is no Regard to be had to any thing they say.
What is most remarkable is, that Hens as well as Cocks frequently stand Candidates to be Members of the said Council, and especially those who are distinguish'd by the Name of Squabbaws; and tho' the important Affairs of managing their Amours takes up so much of their Time, that they have but little Leisure to attend such publick Affairs, yet they very much influence what passes there, especially the Court Squabbaws, whom I have frequently seen to receive Presents from Persons who had Matters to lay before the said Council. When this happened, it was their Custom to send for my Friend the first Minister, and instruct him how they would have the thing done; upon which Occasions they designedly absented themselves from the said Council, that by their not appearing to favour or oppose such things, the Bribery might not be suspected; and it generally pass'd as well without them, for my good Patron who carried it so loftily to the rest of the World, was nevertheless extreamly their Slave.
As to their Laws, which they pretend to be the best and wisest of any in the World, they are, in Effect, a Source of continual Plague and Vexation to the Subject, which is owing to many Causes, but principally to this, that when a new Law is agreed to pass, the great Council generally appoint such amongst them as are Lawyers by Profession, to word it, or (as we say) to draw it up, who always, in Order to promote the Business of their own Profession, contrive it in ambiguous Terms; so that there is a double Meaning runs thro' every Sentence. This furnishes eternal Matter of Dispute betwixt Party and Party, and at the same time gives the Caja (for so they call a Judge) a Power of putting what Construction he pleases upon the Law. I have my self been frequently present, when the Caja has been sitting to hear and determine Causes, and have observ'd, that when the Cacklogallinian Advocates have been setting forth the Merit of their Cause, and one of them has produced a Precedent, to shew, that such a Caja in former Times, put such a Construction upon such a Law, yet the Caja then presiding has determined the thing quite otherwise, giving for a Reason, That might be his Opinion, but this is ours.
Upon the whole, the Property of private Birds, which they would make you believe was much safer amongst them, than under any other Government in the World, appeared to me to stand upon a very precarious Foot, since it was always at the Mercy of the Law, and the most cunning and sagacious amongst them could never pretend to be sure what Law was: Nay, it was often found by Experience, that what was Law one Day amongst them, was not so another; so that I could not help thinking, that whenever Party and Party differr'd concerning Matters of Property, the least expensive, and most prudent Method would have been, to have referr'd the Decision of the Cause to some Game of Hazard.
This Ambiguity of the Law makes a corrupt Caja a terrible Plague to the Subject; and it is a Plague which they have often felt, as I found, by consulting their Annals; for frequently, under bad Ministers, Birds have been chosen out for Caja's, not for their Integrity or Knowledge, but for their Obsequiousness to the Commands of those who chose them; and my Patron, the first Minister, was censured for endeavouring to corrupt, and making them as bad as he could. By which Means, and by retaining Spies in the Houses of all Fowl of great Interest and Figure in their Country, it was reported he awed them from attempting any Measures against his Interest, or that of his Family, and that he had threaten'd several with Confiscation and Banishment, when he found them attempting to introduce better Schemes than his own, because such Proceedings might tend to overthrow him.
But this I speak from common Report; for I cannot give any Instances of Corruption in any of the Caja's from my own personal Knowledge; for I conceived so dreadful a Notion of their Laws, that I endeavoured to avoid all Converse with any who belong'd to it.
How often have I reflected on the Happiness of my dear Country, in that Liberty there enjoy'd, where none are oppress'd by Force, or allured by Bribes, to give up their native Freedom; where a self-interested and designing Minister is sure to answer for his Administration to a Parliament freely chosen, consisting of Gentlemen of publick Spirits, Honour, known Probity and Wisdom; whose Fortunes put them above a servile Dependence; who have an Eye to nothing but the publick Good, and exact from the Ministers a just Account of the Publick Treasure! When I have seen the Fowl of Honour thrust out to make Place for a Sycophant, Court paid to Pandars and lewd Hens, and no Posts disposed of, but thro' the Interest of Lust; how often, Britain, have I congratulated thy Happiness, where Virtue is rewarded, Vice discountenanc'd and punish'd; where the Man of Merit is provided for, and not oblig'd to pay a Levee to the kept Mistress of a Statesman; and where the Ignorant, Pusillanimous, and Vicious, however distinguish'd by Birth and Fortune, are held in Contempt, and never admitted to publick Employment!
When among the Cacklogallinians Taxes are laid, the Money is brought into the publick Treasury, of which the Minister keeps the Keys: He lets this Money out upon Pawns, at an exorbitant Interest. If an inferior Agent is to pass his Accounts, he must share the Pillage with the Minister, and some few Heads of the Grand Council. I knew one paid him Three Hundred Thousand Rackfantassines, equal to a Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling, which he computed was about one Third of his Acquisition; and Birds of most abandon'd Reputations are sometimes put into Places of Profit, which, like Spunges, suck all they can, and are easily squeezed again.