When Ram dropped into his smoking den after the coronation, the first thing he did was to order all the stone-cutters, from Cairo to the Sixth Cataract, to get out their tools and cut his praises on the stones, rocks, pyramids, tombs and obelisks, according to the plans and specifications of his architects, professional poets and press agents, all along the river right down to low-water mark, and there they stand to this day. One of the favorite postscripts is that this great king never took off his hat to anybody that ever "blew up" the Nile. Even in those very, very early days they had a masonic understanding that he who sails on the Nile must "contribute," and it is a curious fact that that requisition has never been revoked even unto this writing.
On the whole, Ram was a magnanimous man and did not forget his wife; he had her done in a group with himself in which she stands behind his leg and hardly reaches his knee; something like a prize doll at a fair. He got other men to do the most of his fighting and, for that matter, almost everything else, but he never failed to take the credit for whatever they did.
ARAB TYPES—CAMEL DRIVERS—SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE NILE
The great men of England are buried in Westminster Abbey, and succeeding generations gaze on their statues with awe and admiration; but as there is nothing of the kind in Egypt, the authorities content themselves with placing the conspicuous heroes and kings of the past in full view in glass cases in the museums, where even the small boys may stare at them in the "altogether," without blanket, bathrobe or pajamas to cover their physical imperfections. After "life's fitful fever," poor old Ram and his historical rivals and friends sleep well in these hard, ebony boxes in the museum at Cairo. Ram had lots of air and elbow room during his spectacular career, and it seems hardly fair that he should be kept on exhibition now, although his mummy is most interesting and always draws a crowd. To parody William a little, it might be said:
To what base uses may we come!
****
Imperial Ram'ses dead and turn'd to clay
Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.
O, that that earth, which set the Nile on fire,
Should lie in glass! this is a fate too dire!
Ram, scarabs, flies, and bakshish are, after all, the main things of Egypt and the Nile. I once asked Gooley Can confidentially:
"How many statues did the great king put up for himself—two hundred?"
"Oh, very many more than that! he was a busy man."