But in many departments he had his rivals. Now there was Bubastis I. of the twenty-second dynasty. (His name seems somewhat similar to that of our old friend Bombastes, when pronounced by a man with a cold in his head—but anyway, we'll call him "Bub.") He was a man of not a few accomplishments, many habits and some deeds: for instance, he made a grand-stand play when he started out for Jerusalem with twelve hundred chariots, sixty thousand horsemen and four hundred thousand footmen. He took it hands down in a canter—and took a whole lot of other things, too, when he got his hands in the bags of Solomon's temple. This was a "classy" performance and gave him some small change for the evening of his days. Thebes was his home town and he was as well known in the all-night restaurants as Oscar Hammerstein is on Forty-second Street. He was a great poker player, and wore an amalgamated copper mask when engaged in a stiff game; it was a helpful foil when trying to work his passage on a pair of trays. This, mind you, was in the stone age of poker, when a man couldn't hide his feelings when he held a full hand. To-day the player sits disconsolate and looks woebegone when glancing at his royal flush.
When Bub got hard up he made raids on the "capitulists" of the day, and often cleaned up both banks of the Nile, from Wady Halfa to Port Said. When short of funds he frequently staked ten cars of watermelons or a bunch of steers on a single hand, and most always "pulled it off." He became infatuated with an odalisk who was a popular favorite at the Beni Hassan opera house—the rock he split on was Annie Laurie, that good old song, then well known in Lower Egypt, which she sang with chic and abandon. Bub met her at the stage door after the performance, took her to a "canned lobster palace," and then eloped with her to the Second Cataract, instead of coming right over here to Niagara Falls and doing the thing up in regulation style. I assume they had a Maid of the Mist at the cataract, and if so he certainly had his photograph taken in a suit of oilskin—but, of course, this is only an assumption. However, it is a certainty that he was a plunger and often cornered the melon crop in the Produce Exchange at Abydos, when the sprouting season was delayed by floods. It is said that Bubastis I. had more scarabs buried with him than had any other king that ever ruled the land; I have no doubt of it, for some of them are offered daily at Shepheard's by a dozen scarab scalpers.
Some sceptical readers may raise their brows at this synopsis of a great man's life, but no suspicions need exist. It was all told to me in strict confidence by Gooley Can in his tent at Luxor, over a cup of afternoon tea. He explained that he had dug out these facts in the museums in the slack season when tourists were scarce, and that I could rely on them implicitly.
While he was at it, Gooley gave me a few tabloid truths regarding Setee I., who, it seems, rivaled and even excelled both Ram and Bub in the realm of sport. Setee, as his name implies, was not of royal blood, but was descended from a line of chair makers, having their main factory at Beni Suef. As a youth of eighteen he won the single sculls championship, defeating a large field. He was the captain of the cricket eleven, and defeated the Asia Minors in a game which lasted most of the summer, scoring three hundred and seventy-five runs off his own bat in the first innings. This was a great boost for cricket, and it has been popular in England ever since. He was fullback on the Pyramids eleven, and was famous in his day as a punter. He kicked as many goals for his side as ever Cadwalader did when "Cad" was Yale's great centre rush. It was Setee's custom, of a Sunday morning after church was out, to take his pole and vault the Sphinx, just to astonish the Arabs on their native heath; and he was never known to touch her back in making the record. In common with most of the great Pharaohs I have been describing, Setee had a trick of cutting his name on any statue of a dead one that he thought would advance his fame with future generations; he never hesitated to hack out the other fellow's signature and insert his own. In these cases he usually asked the stone-cutter to add a few kind words to show posterity that he was a great man and a good fellow. It will be seen at a glance that this broad-gauge and fearless type of man would be eminently fitted for a dazzling banking career, and feeling entire confidence in himself, Setee organized the First National Bank and Trust Company of Wady Halfa—a comprehensive title, perhaps, but that was what was wanted. He became its first president, and inaugurated a splendid system of banking—one very much needed to-day. Some of his plans embraced the charging of "reverse interest "—i.e., five per cent. for the responsibility of caring for the depositor's money. He had an act passed compelling all of his subjects worth a thousand piastres to deposit in the royal bank, and they had to do it. If anybody failed on him, the debtor had a tooth pulled every month till the debt was paid. But somehow the snap was too soft, for it fell out that in a few years Setee had all the money and there was no more to get nor any customers to do business with, so he closed the bank and with great success promoted the first Nile Irrigating Company, the remnants of which are slowly working out their salvation to-day.
Gooley also stated that the men were not the whole thing by any means:
"Just think what a bird-of-paradise Queen Hatshepset was, and all the history she made!" enthusiastically exclaimed my historical Boswell. She was the daughter of King Thothmes I., who gave her a Pullman palace car name; she was regarded as the Boadicea of the Orient. "Hattie" built temples, fought battles, and was, in fact, found on the firing line during most of her reign. Like most other ladies, she had her personal idiosyncrasies: for instance, she wore men's clothes when not engaged in court functions; she shaved twice a week, but let her beard grow when on an extended campaign so as to give her all the appearance of a warrior. Hattie made a famous expedition to a place called Punt, and there she swindled the natives by exchanging the cheap dry-goods she had with her for gold and rare jewels. She married her half-brother, Thothmes II., and made it very hot for him during their reign. She wore the "pants" in theory as well as in practice and was the undisputed leader of the "four hundred" in Cairo, being the headliner in the Levantine book of Who's Who? Her greatest work was the erection of the vast temple of Der-al-Bahari, part of it ornamented in fine gold. Hattie smote her pocketbook for the count on this structure—like as not she had to mortgage her Luxor villa to meet the final pay-roll. Den Mut was her architect and he grew rich as the buildings increased. He owned a centipede barge on the Nile, which was the badge of big money in those days.
RAM IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE. THE ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE
Gooley wasn't always a treasure; he frequently irritated me by designating certain things as "cool-o-sall'." I said to him one day: