The complete servant / Being a practical guide to the peculiar duties and business of all descriptions of servants, from the housekeeper to the servant of all-work, and from the land steward to the foot-boy. With useful receipts and tables

by servant Samuel Adams; Sarah Adams

“Whoever comes to visit your master or lady when they are abroad, never burthen your memory with the person’s name; for, indeed, you have too many other things to remember. Besides, it is a porter’s business, and your master’s fault he does not keep one; and who can remember names? and you will certainly mistake them; as you can neither write nor read.

“If it be possible, never tell a lie to your master or lady, unless you have some hopes that they cannot find it out in less than half an hour. When a servant is turned off, all his faults must be told, although most of them were never known by his master or lady; and all mischiefs done by others, charged to him. [Instance them.] And when they ask any of you, why you never acquainted them before? the answer is, Sir, or Madam, really I was afraid it would make you angry; and besides, perhaps, you might think it was malice in me. Where there are little masters and misses in a house, they are usually great impediments to the diversions of the servants; the only remedy is to bribe them with goody goodies, that they may not tell tales to papa and mamma.

“I advise you of the servants, whose master lives in the country, and who expect vales, always to stand rank and file when a stranger is taking his leave, so that he must of necessity pass between you; and he must have more confidence or less money than usual if any of you let him escape; and according as he behaves himself, remember to treat him the next time he comes.

“If you are sent with ready money to buy any thing at a shop and happen at that time to be out of cash, sink the money, and take up the goods on your master’s account. This is for the honour of your master and yourself; for he becomes a man of credit at your recommendation.

“When your lady sends for you up to her chamber to give you any orders, be sure to stand at the door, and keep it open, fiddling with the lock all the while she is talking to you; and keep the handle in your hand, for fear you should forget to shut the door after you.

“If your master or lady happen once in their lives to accuse you wrongfully, you are a happy servant; for you have nothing more to do, than, for every fault you commit while you are in their service, to put them in mind of that false accusation, and protest yourself equally innocent in the present case.

“When you have a mind to leave your master, and are too bashful to break the matter for fear of offending him, the best way is to grow rude and saucy of a sudden, and beyond your usual behaviour, till he finds it necessary to turn you off; and when you are gone, to revenge yourself, give him and his lady such a character to all your brother-servants who are out of place, that none will venture to offer their service.

“Some nice ladies, who are afraid of catching cold, having observed that the maids and fellows below stairs often forget to shut the doors after them, as they come in, or go out into the back yards, have contrived that a pulley and a rope, with a large piece of lead at the end, should be so fixt, as to make the door shut of itself, and require a strong hand to open it, which is an immense toil to servants, whose business may force them to go in and out fifty times in a morning: but ingenuity can do much, for prudent servants have found out an effectual remedy against this insupportable grievance, by tying up the pulley in such a manner, that the weight of lead shall have no effect; however, as to my own part, I would rather chuse to keep the door always open, by laying a heavy stone at the bottom of it.

“The servants’ candlesticks are generally broken, for nothing can last for ever. But you may find out many expedients; you may conveniently stick your candle in a bottle, or with a lump of butter against the wainscot, in a powder-horn, or in an old shoe, or in a cleft stick, or in the barrel of a pistol, or upon its own grease on a table, in a coffee-cup, or a drinking-glass, a horn-can, a tea-pot, a twisted napkin, a mustard-pot, an ink-horn, a marrow-bone, a piece of dough, or you may cut a hole in the loaf, and stick it there.

“When you invite the neighbouring servants to junket with you at home in an evening, teach them a peculiar way of tapping or scraping at the kitchen-window, which you may hear, but not your master or lady, whom you must take care not to disturb or frighten at such unseasonable hours.