“The King of Montobewlo was such a man as you only meet once in a lifetime, and if you will only hold your tongue and keep quiet, I will tell you all about him,” said Padna.
“I’ll hold my tongue, of course,” said Micus.
“Well,” said Padna, “the King of Shonahulu was getting old and cranky, and the poor devil suffered badly from frost-bite and rheumatics besides; so he up and ses to Hamando, who was his chief cook and private secretary: ‘Hamando,’ ses he, ‘I think I must have a change in my dietary. What have you for dinner to-day?’
“‘I have nothing in the way of dainties,’ ses Hamando. ‘The last missionary was boiled with the cabbage yesterday.’
“‘That’s too bad,’ ses the King. ‘There seems to be a great scarcity of missionaries in these parts lately. I wonder whatsomever can be the reason at all.’
“‘There must be some reason,’ ses Hamando, ‘because there is a reason for everything, even for unreasonable things.’
“‘That’s a fact, bedad,’ ses the King, as he killed a mosquito on Hamando’s nose with a cudgel, and stretched poor Hamando flat on the ground.
“‘Wisha,’ ses Hamando, as he picked himself up after the unmerciful clout he got, ‘I suppose it must be the way the English people are learning sense at last and keeping them at home to look after the suffragettes, or else that England has as much land as she is able to control.’
“‘I don’t think that can be the reason,’ ses the King. ‘What does it matter to England whether she can control a place or not, so long as she owns it. Take Ireland, for instance.’
“‘Yes, bedad,’ ses Hamando. ‘England can blunder magnificently when dealing with Irish affairs. And her wonderful stupidity has lost her not only all the Irish in America, but the Irish in other countries as well. However, the English are a far-seeing and a very polite class of people, and that’s why they send out pious and well-meaning missionaries to lay the foundation stones, so to speak, of the Empire beyond the seas.’