“‘True,’ ses the King. ‘And ’tis an ill wind that blows nobody good, as the Devil said when the forty tinkers of Ballinderry were lost at sea. Nevertheless, there’s no one likes the missionaries better than ourselves, even though I do say so myself.’
“‘Very true, indeed,’ ses Hamando.
“‘By the way,’ ses the King, ‘was the last one we had for dinner a Scotchman or a Welshman?’
“‘I don’t know,’ ses Hamando. ‘He spoke like a Yorkshireman, but he tasted like a Dutchman.’
“‘I’m tired of foreigners like the Dutch,’ ses the King, ‘and I wouldn’t mind having an Irishman for dinner to-day if you could secure one.’
“‘I don’t believe there’s an Irishman to be had for love, money, or an argument,’ ses Hamando.
“‘Nonsense, man,’ ses the King. ‘Do you think ’tis in Jupiter or Mars you are? There’s only one place where you can’t find an Irishman, and you’d find one there too, only the Devil likes to have his own way in all matters. But no more old palaver, and search my dominions at once, and if you can’t find an Irishman, I’ll make vegetarians of each and every one of my loyal subjects.’
“‘I’ll do my best to oblige you,’ ses Hamando, and away he went to the Prince of Massahala, who was also Commander-in-Chief of the Army, and Secretary for the Colonies, and there and then the Prince gathered his army of ten hundred thousand men, and searched the mountains, and the valleys, and the caves and the hills, and the towns and the villages, but no trace of an Irishman could he find. And when he returned and told the story of his exploits and adventures to the King, there was never such ructions on land or sea. The King, who was never a man of mild disposition, nearly exploded from the sheer dint of anger, and he up and ses as his eyes bulged out of their sockets: ‘Do you mean to tell me that there isn’t a single Irishman to be had in all my dominions?’
“‘We’ve searched high up and low down, but couldn’t find a trace of one anywhere,’ ses the Prince.
“‘Was it the way you were all blindfolded?’ ses the King, and he looked as though he was about to hand them over to the State Executioner, and order their skins to be sold for making gloves for the ladies of Paris, Ballingeary, and the United States.