“‘’Tis a queer world,’ ses the King. ‘And sure ’tis a genius you are yourself, and if I were you, I wouldn’t commit suicide in either place. Personally, I think Madrid would be as good as any. Howsomever,’ ses he, ‘I will ask my Lord High Chancellor and his Court of Learned Men about the matter, and if they can’t decide between now and to-morrow morning, I will have them all hanged, drawn, and quartered, and advertise for a more efficient staff of attendants.’
“‘Bedad, you’re a gentleman,’ ses Matty, ‘and I’m glad to know that you don’t show any leniency to your subordinates, because the instant you do so, they begin to think they are as good, as bad, or even worse than yourself, as the case may be.’
“‘Treat all those above and beneath you with as little consideration as possible, and you will always be sure of respect,’ ses the King.
“‘There is nothing like being a fool when you have to deal with foolish people, and to behave sensibly under such circumstances would only break a man’s heart.’
“‘I notice that you are talking hoarse,’ ses the King. ‘Is it the way that you have a cold?’
“‘’Tis a bad cold I have then,’ ses Matty. ‘And I’m afraid of my life that I may die before I will commit suicide.’
“‘That would never do,’ ses the King. And then and there he rang for the Queen, and told her to bathe Matty’s feet in a tub of hot water, with plenty of mustard in it. And when the Queen had finished drying his toes, the King ordered a good glass of rum for him and ses: ‘Matty of Ballydineen,’ ses he, ‘take this little toothful of sailor’s coffee, and bury yourself under the blankets as quick as you can.’
“‘Thank you, ever so much,’ ses Matty, ‘but where am I to sleep?’
“‘You will sleep with me, of course,’ ses the King. ‘’Twould never do if anything were to happen to you at such a critical time in your life.’
“So Matty slept with the King of Spain that night, but about two in the morning the King woke Matty with his snoring. Well, that was more than Matty could stand, and he lost his temper and gave the King a poke in the ribs with the heel of his fist, as he ses: ‘What the blazes do you mean by depriving a decent man of his sleep like this for?’ ses he.