When You Don't Know Where to Turn / A Self-Diagnosing Guide to Counseling and Therapy

by Steven J. Bartlett

After being in therapy, I have learned to accept myself more easily and believe that many of the people whose opinions about me matter to me also accept me for what I am. I have come to realize that what I have in my life, in the way of my marriage, my children, my work is what I have decided to settle with. It is easier and more satisfying for me to do this than always to be fighting the present and straining for things I haven't got.

I still have problems with my own self-confidence. I accept some volunteer work at my church, in spite of these feelings of self-doubt, believing that I really am mentally capable and feeling that I can, in time, and with patience, overcome my feelings of inadequacy.

I now love my daughter without qualifications. I have much less hostility toward my mother. I'm much less afraid now to feel unpleasant emotions and feel less guilt than I did. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself and say what I feel.

I feel more patient now with myself and with others. I lose my temper much less often. I enjoy life much more, feel more content and happy over small things. I'm much more aware now of the feelings of others.

I didn't like being around people. Now I actually can enjoy their company. Even parties do not make me nervous like they used to. I am less inclined to condemn others when they are not like me, and I find myself offering suggestions and advice less frequently.

The greatest change that therapy has brought me has been to help me get my confidence again. I have gone through periods of grief three times since I left therapy, when members of my family have died. I do not feel I could have maintained a sense of balance during these times if I had not had the experience of therapy. I feel I am better able to trust my judgment now and can cope with living more effectively.

I feel better about myself, though I do often still feel a sense of guilt. My problems [having to do with a strong father who has condemned the client because of her style of living and has cut off relations with her] are still with me, but I feel that I have learned to face life more squarely and head-on without so much fear. I'm sure that therapy was the most important part of this change.

I feel much more able to relate to my fussy and neurotic parents. Their dark moods and bitterness don't plunge me into the dumps like they used to. Now, when I do get depressed, instead of just wanting to give up, I ask myself what it is that has depressed me, and often I can reason my way out of the negative state I'm in. I can cope with responsibilities much better now. I have fewer doubts now about my abilities.

I feel more inner calm and can cope with daily problems more easily. I have learned that it doesn't pay for me to be a perfectionist about everything. I still admire my desire for perfection in some things that are really important to me, but I no longer fuss with doing a perfect job, for example, patching the trash can.