Dr. Dio Lewis, in his book entitled "Chastity," when writing of the excesses which lead to estrangement in married life, says: "A very large part of this wretchedness and perilous excess is the natural result of our system of sleeping in the same bed. It is the most ingenious of all possible devices to stimulate and inflame the carnal passion. No bed is large enough for two persons. If brides only knew the great risk they run of losing the most precious of all earthly possessions—the love of their husbands—they would struggle as resolutely to secure extreme temperance after marriage as they do to maintain complete abstinence before the ceremony. The best means to this end is the separate bed."
Many persons recognize the injurious effects which result from two persons sleeping in the same bed, but generally they fear that if they were to occupy adjoining apartments, or even separate beds in the same room, it might lead to local gossip or the suspicion of a lack of harmony or affection. But without informing the patient of the purpose, physicians oftentimes advise a period of absence, either for the husband or for the wife, in order to secure the beneficial result which could be had in their own homes if they would only consent to sleep apart.
Where either the husband or the wife suffers from excessive amative propensities upon the part of the other, great benefit would be derived from avoiding the sexual excitement which comes daily by the twice-repeated exposure of undressing and dressing in each other's presence, and being in close bodily contact for a period of one-third of the hours of each day, for four months in a year, and for twenty years to those who have lived together for a period of sixty years.
There are also the questions of adequate ventilation, the absorption of the exhalations of each other's bodies, the weaker being injured by the fact that the stronger is likely to absorb vital and nervous force, and also the equalization of magnetic elements, which, when diverse in quantity and quality, augment physical attraction and personal affection. Where there is a disparity of physical condition, or a considerable difference of age, or either person is suffering from the effects of any disease which contaminates the atmosphere, separate beds, and oftentimes separate apartments, are essential.
Physical culture is an important matter for consideration in connection with the subject of moderation within the marriage relation. All forms of outdoor recreation which are calculated to produce the best physical condition—dumb-bells, Indian-clubs, exercises of various kinds, frequent bathing, followed by vigorous rubbing of the external surface of the body—are matters of great importance in this connection. If the thought is permitted to centre upon the sexual relation the blood will be diverted from the brain and the muscles, and the entire man will suffer because of the depletion and drain which comes as an inevitable result. Let the thought be turned to other considerations, and by exercise send the blood into all parts of the body, and let the vigorous rubbing after the bath produce a healthy glow, and contribute to good health and to the attainment and maintenance of a well-rounded manhood.
Not only is physical culture essential for the husband, but it is equally important for the wife, who is even more likely to underestimate its value and neglect it altogether, unless she is encouraged to physical effort and bodily exercise by the husband.
Remember that you and your wife owe it not only to yourselves in securing present happiness, but owe it also to your children and to your own future good that you shall possess the best physical results which are possible to you; for what you are, that your children will become after you. If they inherit either physical or mental weakness, the parents who are to care for them will be compelled to pay for their own sad mistakes in vigils and self-denials from which they could have delivered themselves by timely forethought and sufficient care.
The proper mastery of your sexual nature will be worth all it costs. A strong sexual nature is not a curse, but a blessing. God made no mistake in making man what he is; but he never intended that the lower nature should rule over the higher and better nature of man. The struggle is worth all it costs, and the man who gains the mastery grows more manly, more noble, while the man who is overcome becomes less manly, and if lust be given the sway he becomes increasingly beastly.
If you gain and keep the mastery, the struggle will not be endless. With that modified manhood which comes with the hush of the reproductive nature at about middle life, there will come a growing peacefulness and manly poise which will be marked by an increasing strength of intellectual and moral power which will make possible to you in the closing years of your life acquisitions and achievements which were quite impossible in the earlier years.