The Best Side.—A penny was the object in question. The children had examined its superscription—obverse and reverse, when little Polly shyly said, "I like this side best, teacher"—pointing to Neptune and the shield. "Why, Polly," demanded the teacher. "Cause you can see the Queen riding on a bicycle!"
Jonah's Prayer.—It was an infants' class of forty children or thereby. The young teacher had found the way to the hearts of her pupils, and the children quite forgot they were engaged in work. Everything she said and did was real and right in their eyes, and her Bible stories were a source of wondrous delight. They would not have been astonished had they met Abraham or even some of the antediluvians in the street. The head master, on visiting the room, found them all interested in the career of Jonah, and told them he would come again to learn what they could tell about the errant prophet. As he expected, he found the story familiar to them, and so, with the view partly of trying their power of expression and partly of witnessing the perplexity of the embryo scholars, he asked them to tell him Jonah's prayer while he was in the whale. Words to express their pent-up knowledge failed most of them, but one more vigorous than the rest relieved himself thus: "Jonah just said, 'God, lat me oot o' this.'"
"When They're Running About."—It is the venerable old question, "What is a noun?" that has drawn out the hoary answer, "Name of an animal, person, place, or thing." Of course the inspector follows up with the almost equally antique "Am I a noun?" and the little fellow tumbles into the creaking old trap with a cheery "Yes, sir." "Are you a noun?" proceeds the inspector, and the "Yes, sir" of the reply shows very little loss of confidence. "Are all the boys in the class nouns?" The sturdy little grammarian feels from the tone that someone has blundered, and the "Yes, sir" this time has an uncertain sound. Everything up to this point has been done in the most approved fencing style—three cuts up and one down; all the moves are as hackneyed as in the King's Knight's Pawn opening. It is only when the inspector is about to effect Fool's Mate——But let me give it as it happens. Inspector: "What is a noun?" Boy: "Name of an animal, person, place, or thing."—I.: "Am I a noun?" B.: "Yes, sir."—I.: "Are you a noun?" B.: "Yes, sir."—I.: "Are all the boys in the class nouns?" B. (a little doubtfully): "Yes, sir."—I.: "And are all the boys running about in the playground nouns?" B. (brightening up): "Please, sir, no, sir. When they're running about they're verbs!"
Where the Ostrich Lays Its Eggs.—A class was being questioned by H.M. inspector on the ostrich. He asked the size of the ostrich egg, but could only get "Very big" or "Very large" for answers, so he asked them to mention something that would show him how big they were. After some hesitation, one boy put his hand up, and when asked, replied: "Please, sir, as big as your head." The inspector laughed, and then asked: Where does the ostrich deposit its eggs?" Again the same boy put up his hand and looked very anxious to be asked. When the inspector said, "Well, my little man, where?" the boy replied, "Please, sir, in our school museum!"
"Suffin' Red."—In Norwich tomatoes are called by the ordinary folk "marters." This by way of prologue. A young curate spent twenty minutes explaining to a young class what a martyr was. "Now," said he, "what is a Martyr?" The answer he received and did not expect was: "Please, sir, suffin' red what you eat."