Thesaurum & talentum ne abscondas in agro.
Signior Guisippe Hanesio, High German Astrologer and Chymist; seventh son of a son, unborn doctor of above sixty years experience, educated at twelve universities, having travelled thro’ fifty two kingdoms, and been counsellor to counsellors of several monarchs.
Hoc juris publici in communem utilitatem publicum fecit.
WHO by the blessing of Æsculapius on his great pains, travels, and nocturnal lucubrations, has attain’d to a greater share of knowledge than any person before him was ever known to do.
Imprimis, Gentlemen, I present you with my universal solutive, or Cathartic Elixir, which corrects all the cacochymic and cachexical diseases of the intestines; cures all internal and external diseases, all vertiginous vapours, hydrocephalus, giddiness, or swimming of the head, epileptic fits, flowing of the gall, stoppage of urine, ulcers in the womb and bladder; with many other distempers, not hitherto distinguish’d by name.
Secondly, My friendly pill, call’d, the never failing Heliogenes, being the tincture of the sun, and deriving vigour, influence and dominion, from the same light; it causes all complexions to laugh or smile, even in the very time of taking it; which it effects, by dilating and expanding the gelastic muscles, first of all discover’d by my self. It dulcifies the whole mass of the blood, maintains its
circulation, reforms the digestion of the chylon, fortifies the opthalmic nerves, clears the officina intelligentiæ, corrects the exorbitancy of the spleen, mundifies the hypogastrium, comforts the sphincter, and is an excellent remedy against the prosopochlorosis, or green-sickness, sterility, and all obstructions whatever. They operate seven several ways in, order, as nature herself requires; for they scorn to be confin’d to any particular way of operation, viz. hypnotically; by throwing the party into a gentle slumber; hydrotically by their operitive faculty, in opening the interstitia pororum; carthartically, by cleansing the bowels of all crudities and tartarous mucilage, with which they abound; proppysmatically, by forcing the wind downward; hydragogically, by exciting urine; pneumatically, by exhilerating the spirits; and lastly, synecdochically, by corroborating the whole oeconomia animalis. They are twenty or more in every tin-box, sealed with my coat of arms, which are, Three clyster pipes erect gules, in a field argent; my crest, a bloody hand out of a mortar, emergent; and my supporters, a Chymist and an Apothecary. This Tinctura Solaris, or most noble off-spring of Hyperion’s golden influence, wipes off abstersively all those tenacious, conglomerated, sedimental sordes, that adhere to the œsophagus and viscera, extinguishes all supernatural ferments and ebullitions; and, in fine, annihilates all the nosotrophical or morbific ideas of the whole corporeal compages.
Thirdly, My Panagion Outacousticon, or auricular restorative: were it possible to show me a man so deaf, that if a demiculverin were to be let off under his ear, he could not hear the report, yet these infallible drops (first invented by the two famous physician-brothers, St. Cosmus, and St. Damian, call’d the Anargyri in the ancient Greek menologies; and some forty years ago, communicated to me by Anastasio Logotheti, a Greek collier at Adrianople, when I was invited into those parts to cure sultan Mahomet IV. of an elephantiasis in his diaphragm) would recover his auditive faculty, and make him hear as smartly as an old fumbling priest, when a young wench gives him account of her lost maiden-head at the confessional.