IT is some time since (you know) that I took my leave of you, and the sun, and I fear’d of all good company too. My curiosity to observe the nature of an affair, whereof every body talks, tho’ not one of them can understand, made me so long silent; that if it were possible I might give my friends some account or other that should be of moment to them, either for diversion or improvement. Your weighty affairs prevent the one, and your capacity the other; but that you may see friendship as well as virtue survives the grave, I address this to you, to assure you, we are not annihilated, as some philosophers opened, and that our felicity does not consist in an unactive indolence as others as vainly pretended. Virtue is its own reward, and vice its own punishment. We are so refined here, that nothing can veil evil from the piercing eyes of every body, and the malice and envy of the most inveterate devils cannot over-cast the glories of the good. We impute a great many faults to the frailty of the flesh very unjustly. The soul hath its warpings as well as the clay, and some vices are so natural that we cannot extinguish them, tho’ we may in some measure prevent their flaming out and boiling over. These remain still, and employ all the utmost efforts of our prudence to triumph over; and if we accomplish that, we are perfect; but if the malignity of our tempers prevail, we sink to the lowest abyss of infamy, shame, and disgrace. This laid the foundation of that doctrine of Rome, called Purgatory; and their ignorance, joined to their insatiable avarice, improved it to what at present you find it. Here is one duke of Buckingham, perpetually conferring with the Spanish ministers; the other as busy in finding out the mighty secrets of impertinent curiosities; here’s Mazarine supplanting the liberty of Europe, and Cromwell that of England. Shaftsbury is pushing on Monmouth, and he is stiled king by one of his own footmen only; Dryden is every minute at Homer’s heels, or pulling Virgil by the sleeve, importuning Horace, or making friends to Ovid: but Cowley, with a serenity of mind that constitutes his felicity, quietly passes along the Elysian plains, disturbing no body, and undisturb’d of all, Milton his companion, and himself his happiness. The less considerable fry of wits are just as contentious here, as at Covent Garden; as noisy, and as ill-natur’d; every man in particular arrogating all to himself, and allowing nothing to others. The dispute rose so high, and the uproar continued so long, that Pluto commanded a squadron of his life-guard, with Juvenal at their head, to force them out of the laurel-grove, and lock it up till matters should be adjusted by Apollo, to whom he detach’d Lucan and Lee (as being the best skill’d in flying) with his complaints; they are returned with a proclamation, which for its novelty I will trouble you with; not but that I think it might not improperly have been made on the other side of Parnassus, unless matters are strangely mended since I left you.
We Apollo, by the Grace of Jupiter, Emperor of Parnassus, King of Poetry, Sovereign Prince of Letters, Duke of the Muses, Marquis of Light, and Earl of the Four Seasons, &c. to all our Trusty and well Beloved Explorers of Nature, and Cherishers of Learning,
Greeting.
WHEREAS we are inform’d to our ineffable displeasure, grief, sorrow and concern, that many fewds, jars, quarrels, animosities, and heart-burns are ever and anon kindled, stirr’d up, and fomented among the elder brothers of Helicon, as well as the multitude of vain pretenders to bayes and immortality, in so much, that your bickerings, clamours, noise and disturbances, are of intolerable inconveniency to the good and just; and an unhappy suspension of the serenity of their minds, as well as so many perturbations and infractions of the peace of our uncle king Pluto’s dominions: wherefore it is our royal will and pleasure, that these notorious misdemeanours be forthwith remedied; promising upon our royal word, that justice shall be duly executed to every body; and all men of real merit and worth, lovers of wisdom and learning, of what nation or sort soever, shall in their respective classes of virtue and excellence, be registred in the glorious volumes of fame, to be kept eternally in the Delphic library: In pursuance whereof, we do hereby earnestly require and injoin our beloved sisters the Muses, to hold a court of claims in the principality of Delos, where we shall give our royal attendance so often as the fatigues of our laborious course will permit us, to examine all capacities, claims, titles, and pretensions whatever: and to avoid all lets, troubles, hinderances, molestations, and interruptions that possibly we can: we do farthermore hereby strictly prohibit and forbid, upon pain of our highest displeasure, and a hundred years interdiction from the laurel-grove, all sonneteers, songsters, satyrists, panegyrists, madrigallers, and such like impediments of Parnassus, to make any pretensions whatever to reputation and immortality; till such time as the more laborious and industrious investigators of nature are regulated and dispatch’d.
Given at our High Court of Helicon, this 47th Century,
from our Conquest of Python.
At present the versifyers are much humbled, for the laurel-grove is their chiefest delight; ’tis their park, their playhouse, their assembly. I find all the vices of the mind are common here, as in your superiour regions: separating from the clay has only taken from us the means of whoring and drinking, but the mind retains still the wicked propensity. I considered not the pressing number of your affairs, and that I hazard your ill-will by detaining you so long from the publick: give me leave only to desire the favour of you, when your servant goes through Chancery-lane, to put up a cargo of the spread-eagle pudding for our very good friend counsellor Wallop, for he is inconsolable: twenty of the best cooks, nay, Mr. Lamb himself can’t make one to please him. Live in health, I know you cannot learn.
Mr. Prior’s Answer.
Worthy Sir,
I WAS not wanting in my wishes to preserve that esteem you honoured me with, or to give you fresher instances of it; but since your stars summoned you on the other side of the black water, and I did not know whither to address myself exactly to you, I was obliged to suspend my writing till such time as I received your’s. I am heartily glad the two crowns are agreed to permit a pacquet to go between them; and as for our friend the counsellor, I never shall be dilatory in serving him to the utmost of my abilities, and never shall call to mind but with veneration and wonder, his most heroick conduct and magnanimity in pudding-fighting. He sequester’d himself from flesh and blood very opportunely, and with a prudence that always accompanied him in the minutest of his actions; for sugars and fruits are risen already, and, in all probability, will continue to bear a good price, since Portugal has deserted us; so I dare not pretend to be positive that the cargo I send will be as delicious as formerly, tho’ its novelty may make amends for some time, for small cheats in that profession. Honest John the faithful companion of your wanton hours, was very much rejoiced to hear from you, and would needs take a leap after you, maugre all I could say to him: with this trusty servant I have sent you what you desired, and that I might be certain of its not miscarrying any where upon the road, I tuck’d friend John up with it, and so dispatch’d him presently. I was in hopes to have heard from more of our merry companions, or of them at least: how does Rochester behave himself with his old gang? is Sir George as facetious as ever? is my lady still that formal creature as when in our hemisphere? has she the benefit of cards and a tea-table? how did my lord Jefferies receive his son? and with what constancy did her grace hear Sir John Germain was married? I was in hopes you might have met with some of these in your peregrination, not that I suppose you can see those vast dominions of Pluto’s but in a proportionable time to the variety of subjects, as well as the mightiness of their extent.
We have nothing new here, because we are under the sun. Wise men keep company with one another; fools write and fools read; the booksellers have the advantage, provided they don’t trust; some pragmatical fellows set up for politicians; others think they have merit because they have money. Cheats prosper, drunkenness is a little rebuked in the pulpit, but as rife as ever in all other places; people marry that don’t love one the other, and your old mistress Melisinda goes to church constantly, prays devoutly, sings psalms gravely, hears sermons attentively, receives the sacrament monthly, lies with her footman nightly, and rails against lewdness and hypocrisy from morning till night.
The rest of particulars I leave for honest John to recount to you; my other affairs oblige me to take my leave of you; expecting some particulars about what I mentioned myself.