“Yes, yes, Massa,” he said, “I know. I ab done it myself often—drink it all up, and make it ober again, until all right wunst more; sometimes I drink him up de matter ob two or tree times before he get quite right.”
“No,” sais I, “take it off the fire, add two spoonsful of cold water, heat it again, and stir it the right way, and it is as straight as a boot-jack.”
“Well, Massa,” said he, and showed an unusual quantity of white in his eyes, “well, Massa, you is actilly right. My ole missus taught me dat secret herself, and I did actilly tink no libbin’ soul but me and she in de whole univarsal United States did know dat are, for I take my oat on my last will and testament, I nebber tole nobody. But, Massa,” said he, “I ab twenty different ways—ay, fifty different ways, to make graby; but, at sea, one must do de best he can with nottin’ to do with, and when nottin’ is simmered a week in nottin’ by de fire, it ain’t nottin’ of a job to sarve him up. Massa, if you will scuze me, I will tell you what dis here niggar tinks on de subject ob his perfession. Some grand folks, like missus, and de Queen ob England and de Emperor ob Roosia, may be fust chop cooks, and I won’t deny de fac; and no tanks to ’em, for dere saucepans is all silber and gold; but I have ‘skivered dey don’t know nuffin’ about de right way to eat tings after dey has gone done ’em. Me and Miss Phillesy Anne, de two confdential sarvants, allers had de dinner sent into our room when missus done gone feedin’. Missus was werry kind to us, and we nebber stinted her in nuffin’. I allers gib her one bottle wine and ‘no-he-no’ (noyeau) more den was possible for her and her company to want, and in course good conduct is allers rewarded, cause we had what was left. Well, me and Miss Phillis used to dress up hansum for dinner to set good sample to niggars, and two ob de coloured waiters tended on us.
“So one day, said Miss Phillis to me: ‘What shall I ab de honor to help yaw to, Mr Sorrow?’
“‘Aunt Phillis,’ sais I, ‘skuse me one minit, I ab made a grand ‘skivery.’
“‘What is dat, uncle,’ sais she, ‘you is so clebber! I clare you is wort your weight in gold. What in natur would our dear missus do widout you and me? for it was me ‘skivered how to cure de pip in chickens, and make de eggs all hatch out, roosters or hens; and how to souse young turkeys like young children in cold water to prevent staggers, but what is your wention, Mr Sorrow?’
“‘Why,’ sais I, ‘aunty, skuse me one half second. What does you see out ob dat winder, Sambo? you imperent rascal.’
“‘Nuffin’, Sar.’
“‘Well, you black niggar, if you stare bout dat way, you will see yourself flogged next time. If you ab no manners, I must teach you for de credit ob de plantation; hold a plate to Miss Phillis right away. Why, aunty,’ sais I, ‘dis is de ‘skivery; a house must have solid foundation, but a dinner a soft one—on count ob disgestion; so I begins wid custard and jelly (dey tastes werry well together, and are light on de stomac), den I takes a glass ob whisky to keep ’em from turnin’ sour; dat is de first step. Sambo, pour me out some. Second one is presarves, ices, fruits—strawberry and cream, or mustache churnings (pistachio cream) and if dey is skilful stowed, den de cargo don’t shift under de hatches—arter dat comes punkin pie, pineapple tarts, and raspberry Charlotte.’
“‘Mr Sorrow,’ sais aunty, ‘I is actilly ashamed ob you to name a dish arter a yaller gall dat way, and call it Charlotte; it’s ondecent, specially afore dese niggars.’