“‘Law sakes,’ sais I, ‘Miss Phillis, does you tink I ab no sense; I hate a yaller gall as I do pyson.’
“‘So does I,’ said she, ‘dey is neither chalk nor cheese; dey is a disgrace to de plantation dey is on; but raspberry Charlotte is a name I nebber heard tell ob for a dish.”
“‘Why, how you talks,’ sais I. ‘Well, den is de time for fish, such as stewed rocks.’
“‘Now you is a funnin’,’ sais aunty, ‘isn’t you? how on airth do you stew rocks? yah! yah! yah!’
“‘Easy as kiss my hand to you,’ sais I, ‘and if dere be no fish (and dat white Yankee oberseer is so cussed lazy bout catchin’ of dem, I must struct missus to discharge him). Den dere is two nice little genteel dishes, ‘birds in de grobe,’ and ‘plover on de shore,’ and den top off wid soup; and I ain’t particular about dat, so long as I ab de best; and dat, Miss Phillis, makes a grand soft bed, you see, for stantials like beef or mutton, or ham, or venson, to lay down easy on.’
“‘Well, you is a wonderful man, Mr Sorrow,’ sais Miss Phillis, ‘I do really tink dat stands to reason and experience. When I married my fiff husband—no, it warn’t my fiff, it was my sixth—I had lubly baby tree month old, and my old man killed it maken speriments. He would give it soup and minced veal to make it trong. Sais I, ‘Mr Caesar, dat ain’t natur; fust you know it must ab milk, den pap, and so on in order.’ Sais he, ‘I allus feeds master’s young bull-dogs on raw meat.’ Well, Caesar died dat same identical night child did (and she gub me a wink); ‘sunthen disagreed wid him also that he eat.’ (‘Oh Massa,’ he continued, ‘bears dat ab cubs and women dat ab childern is dangerous.) ‘Mr Sorrow,’ said she, ‘dat is a great ‘skivery of yourn; you’d best tell missus.’
“‘I is most afeard she is too much a slave to fashion,’ sais I.
“‘Uncle,’ said she, ‘you mustn’t say dat ob dear Miss Lunn, or I must decline de onor to dine wid you. It ain’t spectful. Mr Sorrow, my missus ain’t de slave ob fashion—she sets it, by golly!’ and she stood up quite dignant.
“‘Sambo, clar out ob dis dinin’ room quick stick,’ sais I to de waiter; ‘you is so fond ob lookin’ out on de field, you shall go work dere, you lazy hound; walk out ob de room dis minit; when I has finished my dinner, I will make you jine de labor gang. Miss Phillis, do resume your seat agin, you is right as you allus is; shall I ab de honour to take glass ob wine wid you?’
“Now, Massa, try dat ‘skivery; you will be able to eat tree times as much as you do now. Arter dat invention, I used to enjoy my sleep grand. I went into de hottest place in de sun, laid up my face to him, and sleep like a cedar stump, but den I allus put my veil on.”