Mr. Slick, when we had not met during the day, generally visited me at night, about the time I usually returned from a dinner-party, and amused me by a recital of his adventures.
“Squire,” said he, “I have had a most curious capur to-day, and one that will interest you, I guess. Jist as I was a settin’ down to breakfast this mornin’, and was a turnin’ of an egg inside out into a wine-glass, to salt, pepper and batter it for Red-lane Alley, I received a note from a Mister Pen, saying the Right Honourable Mr. Tact would be glad, if it was convenient, if I would call down to his office, to Downin’ Street, to-day, at four o’clock. Thinks says I to myself, ‘What’s to pay now? Is it the Boundary Line, or Creole Case, or Colonial Trade, or the Burnin’ of the Caroline, or Right o’ Sarch? or what national subject is on the carpet to-day? Howsundever,’ sais I, ‘let the charge be what it will, slugs, rifle-bullets, or powder, go I must, that’s a fact.’ So I tips him a shot right off; here’s the draft, Sir; it’s in reg’lar state lingo.
“Sir,
“I have the high honour to acknowledge the receipt of
your letter of this present first of June instant and
note its contents. The conference (subject unknown),
proffered by the Right Honourable Mr. Tact, I accede
to hereby protesting and resarving all rights of
conformation and reniggin’ of our Extraordinary
Embassador, now absent from London, at the great
agricultural meetin’. I would suggest, next time, it
would better convene to business, to insart subject
of discussion, to prevent being taken at a short.
“I have to assure you of the high consideration of
your most obedient servant to command.
“THE HON. SAM SLICK,
“Attache”.
“Well, when the time comes, I rigs up, puts on the legation coat, calls a cab, and downs to Downing Street, and looks as dignified as I cleverly knew how.
“When I enters the outer door, I sees a man in an arm-chair in the entry, and he looked like a buster, I tell you, jist ready to blow up with the steam of all the secrets he had in his byler.
“‘Can I see Mr. Tact?’ sais I.
“‘Tell you directly,’ sais he, jist short like; for Englishmen are kinder costive of words; they don’t use more nor will do, at no time; and he rings a bell. This brings in his second in command; and sais he, ‘Pray walk in here, if you please, Sir,’ and he led me into a little plain, stage-coach-house lookin’ room, with nothin’ but a table and two or three chairs in it; and says he, ‘Who shall I say, Sir?’
“‘The Honourable Mr. Slick,’ sais I, ‘Attache of the American Legation to the court of Saint Jimses’ Victoria.’
“Off he sot; and there I waited and waited for ever so long, but he didn’t come back. Well, I walked to the winder and looked out, but there was nothin’ to see there; and then I turned and looked at a great big map on the wall, and there was nothin’ I didn’t know there; and then I took out my pen-knife to whittle, but my nails was all whittled off already, except one, and that was made into a pen, and I didn’t like to spile that; and as there wasn’t any thing I could get hold of, I jist slivered a great big bit off the leg of the chair, and began to make a toothpick of it. And when I had got that finished, I begins to get tired; for nothin’ makes me so peskilly oneasy as to be kept waitin’; for if a Clockmaker don’t know the valy of time, who the plague does?
“So jist to pass it away, I began to hum ‘Jim Brown.’ Did you ever hear it, Squire? it’s a’most a beautiful air, as most all them nigger songs are. I’ll make you a varse, that will suit a despisable colonist exactly.