“I went up to London, the capital of the nation,
To see Lord Stanley, and get a sitivation.
Says he to me, ‘Sam Slick, what can you do?’
Says I, ‘Lord Stanley, jist as much as you.
Liberate the rebels, and ‘mancipate the niggers.
Hurror for our side, and damn thimble-riggers.
“Airth and seas! If you was to sing that ‘ere song there, how it would make ‘em stare; wouldn’t it? Such words as them was never heerd in that patronage office, I guess; and yet folks must have often thort it too; that’s a fact.
“I was a hummin’ the rael ‘Jim Brown,’ and got as far as:
Play upon the banjo, play upon the fiddle,
Walk about the town, and abuse old Biddle,
when I stopped right in the middle of it, for it kinder sorter struck it me warn’t dignified to be a singin’ of nigger-catches that way. So says I to myself, ‘This ain’t respectful to our great nation to keep a high functionary a waitin’ arter this fashion, is it? Guess I’d better assart the honour of our republic by goin’ away; and let him see that it warn’t me that was his lackey last year.’
“Well, jist as I had taken the sleeve of my coat and given my hat a rub over with it, (a good hat will carry off an old suit of clothes any time, but a new suit of clothes will never carry off an old hat, so I likes to keep my hat in good order in a general way). Well, jist as I had done, in walks the porter’s first leftenant; and sais he, ‘Mr. Tact will see you, Sir.’
“‘He come plaguy near not seein’ of me, then,’ sais I; ‘for I had jist commenced makin’ tracks as you come in. The next time he sends for me, tell him not to send till he is ready, will you? For it’s a rule o’ mine to tag arter no man.’
“The critter jist stopped short, and began to see whether that spelt treason or no. He never heerd freedom o’ speech afore, that feller, I guess, unless it was somebody a jawin’ of him, up hill and down dale; so sais I, ‘Lead off, my old ‘coon, and I will foller you, and no mistake, if you blaze the line well.’
“So he led me up stairs, opened a door, and ‘nounced me; and there was Mr. Tact, sittin’ at a large table, all alone.
“‘How do you do, Mr. Slick,’ says he. ‘I am very glad to see you. Pray be seated.’ He really was a very gentlemanlike man, was Squire Tact, that’s a fact. Sorry I kept you waitin’ so long,’ sais he, ‘but the Turkish Ambassador was here at the time, and I was compelled to wait until he went. I sent for you, Sir, a-hem!’ and he rubbed his hand acrost his mouth, and looked’ up at the cornish, and said, ‘I sent for you, Sir, ahem!’—(thinks I, I see now. All you will say for half an hour is only throw’d up for a brush fence, to lay down behind to take aim through; and arter that, the first shot is the one that’s aimed at the bird), ‘to explain to you about this African Slave Treaty,’ said he. ‘Your government don’t seem to comprehend me in reference to this Right of Sarch. Lookin’ a man in the face, to see he is the right man, and sarchin’ his pockets, are two very different things. You take, don’t you?’