It is, no doubt, a considerable Maim to us, in some Peoples opinions, who never digested the benefits arising from the Stage in its Moral Representations, that this smarting Lash is given us by a Clergy-man of the Church of England, that is, good friends, if he be so, for some Judicious Heads are not resolv'd in that Affirmative—but let that be discuss'd in another place, I'm sure, if he is, Obedience to Government, in the first place, should be his principal Tenet; and whether that is a part of the Absolver's Character, I think has sufficiently appear'd. But let him be what he will, I shall now take the pleasure to inform those People, that but few years since, we had a Man of Wit and Learning, that wore the Gown, and as true a Son of the Church as she could possibly breed; that was intirely devoted a Champion in our Cause, and Asserted the Rights of the Stage with Success and Applause; and whoever will but look back a little, and incline his Eyes towards the delectable River Cam, may Encounter the fam'd Wit of that University, the Ingenious Mr. Thomas Randolph, who in one of his great many admirable Pieces, call'd the Muses Looking-glass, makes his whole Moral to be the Vindication of the Stage, and its usefulness, and by shewing the passions in their Kinds, contrives to confute some canting prejudic'd Zealots, whose ignorance and frenzy had conspir'd before to run it down; I will treat the Reader here with some of it.
Muses Looking-Glass. A Country Lass, for such she was, tho here
In th' City may be Sluts as well as there;
Kept her hands clean, for those being always seen,
Had told her else how sluttish she had been;
Yet was her Face, as dirty as the Stall
Of a Fish-monger, or a Usurer's Hall
Begrim'd with filth, that you might boldly say,
She was a true piece of Prometheus's Clay.
At last, within a Pail, for Country Lasses
Have oft you know, no other Looking-glasses,
She view'd her dirty Face, and doubtless would
Have blush'd, if through so much dirt she could.
At last, within that Water, that I say,
That shew'd the Dirt, she wash'd the Dirt away.
So, Comedies, as Poets still intend 'em,
Serve first to shew your faults, and then to mend 'em.
Here was a pretty Compliment to our Art now, a good Moral with good Manners into the bargain; and yet 'tis certain the times then were as Licentious as now, and the Poets took as little care of their Writings; but Mr Randolph always made his good Nature agree with his Wit, and put as favourable construction upon Scenes of Diversion, as reason would allow, tho he perhaps had as much occasion for 50 l. as the Absolver when he writ his Book. He knew that if there was so stupid a Temper, that the Moral of a Play could not reform, the looseness that was in it could not prejudice; nor if a wild Town-Fellow, or a baffl'd Bully, or passionate Lover, being characters in a Play, spoke some extravagances proper for 'em, would he roar it out for Blasphemy, Profaneness, &c. and make a malicious scrutiny, and unreasonable interpretation of words, which had no other intention but to make the Character natural by customary manner of Speech, as he has shewn examples by two of his own, in the extremes of Vain-glory and Hypocrisie: And yet this Gentleman was as Learned, as good a Critick, and as Consciencious a man, as our Absolver can pretend to be; and if I say, I had somewhat a better Title to Modesty and good Manners, I think it may be made out, he having a civil regard to the Poets, defended their Cause, and excus'd some failings for the sake of some other Merits, when this treats 'em all like fools, tho he has only rak'd up a few of their errors, which he has made a huge heap of Rubbish, by peering through his own Magnifying Glass, without any allowance to their qualifications, or any modest care to do 'em justice, which ought to have been one way as well as another.
So much then for his Modesty in one of its kinds, which is decency of behaviour and expression; as for the other, he has plaid such a Game at Hide and Seek with us, that we have been long in a Mist, not knowing how to discover it: But the Air clears, and 'tis time for us now to take the right end of the perspective, tho he would give us the Wrong, and then try if we cannot discern, in the midst of his Garden of Divinity, a neat friend of his call'd Immorality, tho he would subtly insinuate him into the world as a stranger, leading his darling daughter dear Hypocrisie into an Arbor; where, after they had been some time alone, our Critick knowing how to be civil to his own creature, and to give 'em time enough to beget a right understanding, he is very glad at last to be a third in the company.
I should not have put him upon this warm Office, if I had not found him too hot and bold with our Famous Ancient Truth-telling Poet Juvenal, when in his Book he tells us, Collier, p. 70, 71. he teaches those vices he would correct, and writes more like a Pimp than a Poet—But upon just consideration, I believe if the Absolver taught the Art of Rebellion no more than Juvenal the Art of Pimping, the one would be respected in after Ages, as much as we know the other has in the former: But every one is Fool or Knave that is not of this Gentlemans kidney. A little while after, at the usual rate of his own accustom'd civility, he falls upon the Renown'd Shakespear, and says, Collier, p. 50. he is so guilty, that he is not fit to make an Evidence. Why now it 'twere possible for his Complexion to blush, there's ne're a Robe of any Friend Cardinal the Absolver has at Rome, that can be redder than his would be for such a Position: Nor does it end here, but is mixt with some more foolish and insolent Remarks in another place, upon the admirable Tragedy of Hamlet. And here he has no other way to shew his malice, but by ridiculously quibbling upon the prettiest Character in it, Collier, p. 10. the innocent young Virgin Ophelia, who, because the Poet makes her run mad for the death of her Father, and loss of her Lover, and consequently makes her sing and speak some idle extravagant things, as on such an occasion is natural, and at last drown her self, he very masterly tells us, the Poet, since he was resolv'd to drown her like a Kitten, should have set her a swimming a little sooner; to keep her alive, only to sully her Reputation, is very cruel. Yes, but I would fain ask Doctor Absolution in what she has sullied her Reputation, I am sure five hundred Audiences that have view'd her could never find it out, tho he has; but the Absolver can't help being positive and partial to his own humour, tho he were to be hang'd, as the Lady was drown'd, for he is very angry in another place with the aforesaid Author, for making Collier, p. 125. Sir Hugh Evens in the Merry Wives of Windsor, a silly, eating, chattering Welch Priest, but vindicates and speaks well, of Sir John, Parson of Wrotham, in the History of Sir John Oldcastle; tho he swears, games, wenches, pads, tilts and drinks, and does things which our Reformers Guts are ready to come up at another time, only, forsooth, because he is stout; but 'tis indeed only because he is a Parson, and sullen, which he thinks wise, for he cannot endure that Copyhold should be touch'd, as you may see more plainly a little further, where he says in Loves Labour Lost, the Curate plays the fool egregiously; and so does the Poet too: there he clenches the Nail, there he gives Shakespear a bold stroke, there obstinacy and malice appear in true colours: And yet if a parcel of the ones Plays, were set up by way of Auction against t'others Sermons and Essays; nay, tho the Loyal and Politick Desertion discussd was thrown in to boot, I know not what the Grave would do, but I am sure the Wise would quickly find difference. And yet to Remark him nicely, this humour of railing is only where the Poets do not suit with his design; for in another place you'll find this same Shakespear, that was before too guilty to make an Evidence, a very civil person now; for the Reformer is troubl'd with Fits, you must know, disturbances i th' brain, which makes him forget one hour what he rails at another, for here now 54 Shakespear's Falstaff is call'd the admir'd, because he is to serve his turn. And that the Poet was not so partial as to let his humour compound for his lewdness; but punishes him at last, tho he makes him all his life time a damnable, smutty fellow. And now, I think, having said enough of his modest behaviour, 'twon't be amiss to have a touch or two at his Hypocrisy. And first, concerning the word Smutt.
"Smutt, Smutt"! Why does this tarmagant Correcter of our Lives and Manners pretend to make us believe that his Mouth or Conscience is so streight, that the t'other word can't get passage, or did his Mistress (honourable I mean) sit knotting under his Nose when he was writing, and so gave occasion for the changing it instead of Bawdy, that that odious word might not offend her, tho the Phrase was made Nonsence by it—hum—No faith, the case seems to me now to be quite otherwise, and really the effect of downright Hypocrisy, unless done as I said for the last reason; for those that have read his Book, may find sprinkling up and down the other words extreamly plain upon occasion, Ribaldry and Bawdy, and Whores, and Whoring, and Strumpets, and Cuckoldmakers, with as fat a signification as any of the last nam'd could wish for their hearts; for example, by way of Tract, first, he says, Collier, p. 30, 32. Euripides in his Hipolitus, calls Whoring stupidness and playing the fool; and secondly, does Ribaldry, (not Smut) and Nonsence become the dignity of their station. Again, p. 74. Berinthia incourages Amanda to play the Whore; and then sowse upon Don Quixot, when there is not so much as one little tiny todpol of Smut, that I know of, unless he creates it—Yet I am Crambo'd with, p. 208.
p. 178. who, with low, nauseous Bawdry fills his Plays. Again speaking of Jupiter and Alcmena—but her Lover—that is her Whore-master. And at last with a Rowzer upon Mr Congreeve's Double Dealer, where he particularly Remarks, p. 12. that there are but four Ladies in his Play, and three of em are Whores; adding, withal, that 'tis a great Compliment to Quality, to tell em there is but a quarter of 'em honest. Why who, in the name of Diana, and all the rest of the Maiden Goddesses, does tell 'em so, unless it be Doctor Crambo here—If any one calls 'em Whores 'tis he, he that by an assum'd Authority thinks he may say any thing; the Ladies, I dare say for the Poet, were drest in such clean Linnen, and were so far from being Tawdry, that no Scrutineer but our severe Master of Art but wou'd have thought Charitably of 'em. Well, but huge Rampant Whores they must be with him tho, and through that very mouth that simper'd and primm'd before, as if such a filthy word cou'd not possibly break through: It comes out now in sound and emphasis, and the modest Pen is as prone and ready to write it. So that I once more affirm, that if it were not done in respect to his Lady, who, no doubt, peruses him extreamly, it must naturally be the effect of Hypcrisie, for, to be squeamish in one place and not in another is Ridiculous, especially when one word is Innocent in its kind, and makes the sense, and the other when us'd makes it wretched Affectation, and almost Nonsence.
Now if the Absolver thought Affectation would appear a vertue in him, he ought to have squeamifyed the before-mention'd Ladies with some title that was new, and if Smutt was chosen to be his fine darling word (and the course one of Whores slipt out of his Mouth, or from his Pen, by misfortune or chance) he should, in my opinion, have given 'em the title of Smutters: a primming neat word extremely proper for the occasion: And I hope I shall live to see the Master of Art have Modesty enough to thank me for't; or else (for my fancy wou'd fain oblige him if it cou'd) to make it yet more German to the matter, as Shakespear has it, to call em Colliers would be as significant as any thing; for there's allusion enough to Smutt, or the Devil's in't: For, to deal sincerely, and without Hypocrisie, I cannot imagine what this learned Gentleman can mean by all that Smutt, Smutt, when the other word is as decent and more significant, unless he banters, or dissembles, or fear'd the Ladies peeping, or is so full of his own name, that he goes along quibbling upon't through his Book, with design that way to make himself more famous.
In another part of his Treatise too I fancy I find the Hypocrite a great deal more than the Moralist, and that is, in his kecking at a word in one place, and gobbling it up in another. To prove this, I find him very like a Ghostly Father of the old Roman Kidney, condemning even to the Inquisition: One Carlos in Mr Dryden's Love Triumphant, for blundring out this horrible Expression, as he calls it, Collier, p. 82. Nature has given me my portion of Sense, with a Pox to her. Now pray observe, the Absolvers Stomach is so horribly squeamish, at this he belches, turns pale, and is so very sick, that a quartern of Cherry is administered in vain, to set him to rights; he prints instead of the word only a great P—— and tells the gentle Reader, (that he is intending to lead by the Nose) that the Hellish syllable may be found there at length if he pleases. Would not any one think now, that did not know that the Small Pox is a common Disease, that this word had been Blasphemy in the extremity, the renouncing the Deity, or something beyond pardon, and would not one lay a Scholars Egg against a Tost and Ale, that the Doctor would ne're be concern'd with it as long as he was able to eat or drink either of 'em. Why see now how an honest man may be cheated; do but turn to the one hundred seventy second page of his Book, and you will find this horrible, this hellish, syllable, in its Pontificallibus, at length, sitting almost a straddle upon the top of the Page, and Collier, p. 172. us'd familiarly and friendly, without so much as once kacking at it, or one invective near it, tho the sense of the Curse is as broad as t'other, and has rather the worse signification.
And pray what can this be else but Hypocrisy; if the word were really terrifying and horrible to him, it would certainly be so in one place as well as another. No, no, these are only flights and amusements, tricks of his own studied Legerdemain, to make the bubbled ignorants believe him a Saint, and admire his Divinity, when, if they could dive to the bottom of the secret, 'tis solemnly believ'd by many of the dutiful Sons of the Church, that our Sham-reformer is a much fitter man to win Money by his skill at a game of Whisk and Swabbers, than as the case of Allegiance, and Morality, stand with him, to win Souls from Reprobation by the Integrity of his Principles.