I must treat ye with one instance more of his Hypocrisie, and then I pass on to another Head. This instance I find Mr Vanbrook has taken particular notice of at the latter end of his Book, where, 'tis true, every one may see the Absolvers Foible is very plain, but that Author has not made the Case parallel with the others Remark upon Mr.Congreve's Comedy the Old Batchelor, which shews his contradiction of himself, and his fallacy undeniable, Collier, p. 63. for there he seems to roar at young Belmour for his forgetfulness of Religion, at a minute when he is desiring Letitia to give him leave to swear by her Lips and Eyes, when he is kissing and telling her, Eternity was in that moment. In short, when he has got her fast in his Arms, and intends to go through stitch with the matter; for which he calls the Lady Strumpet, and raves at the smuttiness of the Action; and yet, a little while after, in another page, rallies, jokes upon, and banters young Worthy in the Relapse, for letting his Lady slip through his fingers, and Collier, p. 127. calls him a Town-Spark, and a Platonick Fool for't. Hey Jingo, here's Riddling for ye! what would this whimsical Gentleman be at? first he rails at a Lover for holding a pretty Woman fast, and then he jokes upon him for letting her go; this runs almost parallel with the Fable of the Satyr and the Traveller; but if the Doctor is observ'd to have the faculty of blowing hot and cold thus, I believe he may keep his breath either to cool his Porridge, or to warm his fingers, and be much better employ'd, than by using it to make any Proselytes to his Doctrine; and so much for this Head. Now let us try if we can scratch another, and find it out under his Night-cap of
IMMORALITY.
It is not enough to prove a Man is a Moralist, only because he is noted for a Regular Life; that may be one good instance indeed; but it can never arrive to a proof of the whole, for his living Soberly, and by Rule, may as well be caus'd by the defect of his Constitution, as by the effect of his Inclination, but 'tis the Spirit and Will, by the fire of whose other Virtues, this of Morality is kindled and illustrated. Now I will not be so byass'd by other Peoples opinions that know him, to say, That our devout Critick owes him seeming Piety, and good life, to his ill habit of Body; nor will I load him with Abuse, right or wrong, as he has done me, particularly through a whole Chapter, but leave that charitably to natural Conscience, or studied Artifice, which he pleases, and only reflect a little on the temper of his Mind, as I have found it blazing in this last, as well as others of his Books. In the first place, if Stubbornness, which causes wrong opinion of the present Regal Authority and Government, is an Immoral Vice, if he is not tainted, I know not who is; for let any one, who is not blinded with Partiality, but read his Desertion Discuss'd, with the admirable Answer to it, and I am satisfied he cannot help joining with me in this opinion, That what he would insinuate to be the effect of Right in others, and of Conscience in himself, is nothing but the effect of Error in one, and Obstinacy and Stubborn Will in t'other, a humour resolv'd to defend and carry on a hot Argument, tho it has been never so plain and reasonably confuted: the Positions and Answers on this subject I shall not insert here, but leave the Reader, whose curiosity obliges him, to the Papers themselves, only I wish the Absolver had made Newgate the last Scene of that part of his Immorality, and by an humble acknowledgment to his Patron that redeemed him, (I hope the word will bear in this place) have spar'd his Office of Absolution in another Scene, and consequently given no occasion to believe that his disobedient humour, and turbulent nature, still proceeds daily, to cultivate his Party with the same Principles as far as he can.
Another spice of Immorality I believe I can make appear by his Pride, and tho' in other places it is to be found, yet is most fairly instanc'd in his Book of Essays, where, tho' we find one Chapter wholly upon that Vice, which, to shew his Justice, begins with a Compliment upon the same Juvenal, now he has use for him whom he call'd Pimp before, yet it has not bulk enough to Skreen from us his haughtiness in another, which he calls the Office of a Chaplain, for there you shall find he has collected the Spirit of them all, and blended them into one Character; I mean the ill Spirits of the ill Chaplains, those that are good I honour. Here you may find his Likeness in Don Quixot, Roger in the Scornful Lady, Bull in the Relapse, Say-grace, Cuff-cushion, and others, all learning their Lessons of their stubborn Superior our Reformer, and all tending to governing, brow-beating, snubbing, commanding Families, and the like, but not one word of humility tack'd to't, for fear of spoiling the Character; there you may find 24 pages, one after another, all written to prove most gloriously, that 'tis impossible for a Chaplain to be a Servant; that tho' you find a poor fellow in a tatter'd Excommunicated Gown with one sleeve, Shoes without heels, miserable Antichristian breeches, with some two dozen of creepers brooding in the seams; and tho' you take him charitably to your House, feed, clothe, and give him wages, yet he belongs only to God, and not you, and you must not think him your Domestick, but your Superior. Why, what a Scheme is here laid for Vanity and Folly, add how much more shining and beautiful does gratitude and humility appear in such a Depender, than such a bloated opinion as this? Would any honest Gentleman, that has his sences, shew his Indulgence and Generosity to Wit or Learning, on such terms as these? And does not this Chapter shew more the Spirit of Pride in our Absolver, relating to his own humour, than the veneration he has for the Clergy, or the Justice he would seem to do them in it? I dare affirm, most of them are against this Opinion, at least I'm sure all the modest part are, who cannot but own themselves subservient to their Patrons that maintain them, tho' at the same time they are Ministers of Gods holy Words and Sacraments. Yet he buffly goes on, Office of a Chaplain, p. 178.
Ib. p. 185. He is Gods Minister, not Mans Servant. And a little way further, he clenches this admirable Notion through and through; therefore, says he, for a Patron to acconnt such a Consecrated Person, as if he belong'd to him as a Servant, is in effect to challenge Divine Honours, and set himself up for a God. Here's Ambition, here's Perfection, here's old Bonner for ye. Now by his Hollidame, for I can't forbear that Oath now, what can a squeamish Critick, that would make Remarks upon the Remarker call this? But stay, he's at it again, Collier, p. 113. Dolopion, says he, was Priest to Scamander, and regarded like the God he belong'd to. Pray mind him, the Priest was worshipp'd equal with the God—oh rare Moralist—if he were, 'twas an Ægyptian Worship, where only Calves and Apes, and Carrots and Onions, were Gods. But pray let us see a little, has not this Divine quotation a tang of Blasphemy in't? Oh fie, no; what, the Moralist! Reformer of Vices! Speak Blasphemy! Impossible! he can't sure! Yes, yes, he may, when he thinks no body can find him out: and faith, to my sence now, this smells as rank of Pandemonium, of fire and brimstone, to the full, if not worse, than Mr. Dryden's Verse, Absalom and Achit.
Collier p. 184. Whether inspir'd with a Diviner Lust his father got him, &c. which is spoken only in the figurative Person of David; yet he says 'tis downright defiance of the Living God, and the very Essence and Spirit of Blasphemy. And here now his Stomach wambled more terribly than before; so that if his Friend were by, he must of necessity hold the Bason. Oh me! he reaches and reaches, and first up comes—egh—I question whether—egh—the torments and despair of the Damn'd—egh—dare venture at such flights as these. And now the Head being held by the same hand, at two reaches more it comes all up, mix'd with a Tincture of old Bonner again—egh—I can't forbear saying, that the next bad thing to writing these Impieties—egh—is to suffer them. And now the Fit's over, leaving us to imagine what rare Church Discipline we should have, if this Gentleman, and his Cat with nine Tails, were in Power; I think a Couplet or two here, by way of Advice to him, is not improper.
Weesils, p. 11. Your Tribe should all be in Opinion steady,
Not turn or wind for Power or for Place,
Nor covet Wealth but in Spiritual Grace.
The Gifts of Mammon you should ne'r implore,
Nor wish for Gold, unless to give the Poor;
It makes your Art contemptible appear,
Less follow'd too, and look'd into more near;
For if all those that preach up Paradise,
Will have their shares of every human Vice,
They shall Cant long enough e're I believe,
Or pin my Soul's Salvation on their sleeve.
Here now, ten to one, but I shall make our Reformer fall into another fit, by pretending to Counsel him, or take his Office of Ordinary upon my self; for in page 138, he will not give up that leave, Collier, p. 138. What, is the Pulpit under the Discipline of the Stage? And are those fit to correct the Church, that are not fit to come into it? Ah! Doctor, rub your eyes a little, and see what the Vindicator of the Stage says, quoting Divine Herbert:
A Verse may find him who a Sermon flies,
And turn delight into a Sacrifice.
Besides I do assure you, spite of your Ghostly Authority, and Uncharitable Position, that we are not fit, we will come in, and not only imbibe the Mystery of Divinity from the Pulpit, but unriddle the Mystery of Iniquity, if we can find any there. Ben Johnson found out Ananias and Rabby Buisy; Fletcher, Hypocritical Roger; Shakespear, Sir John of Wrotham; Congreve, Say-grace; Vanbrook, Bull; Shadwell, Smirk; and if Durfey can find out a proud, stubborn, immoral The Chaplains Name in Don Quixot. Bernard, one, that when he was a Country Curate, would not let the Children be brought to Church to be Christned for some odd Jesuitical Reasons best known to himself, he shall presume to draw his Picture, tho the Absolver drop another Chapter of Abuse upon him for so doing.
We find, for many Ages past, Poets have enjoy'd this Priviledge; our Prince of Poets, Chaucer, had so much to do in this kind, that we find him weary himself, and loth to weary others with.
Chaucer[ *]