In this hubbub and row, Think where you'd be now Except for the Birchington boys and their vow! And while o'er the wide wave you feel the craft pitch hard, Praie for ye sowles of Robertte and Rychard.
Moral.
It's a subject of serious complaint in some houses, With young married men who have elderly spouses, That persons are seen in their figures and faces, With very queer people in very queer places, So like them that one for the other's oft taken, And conjugal confidence thereby much shaken: Explanations too often are thought mere pretences, And Richard gets scolded for Robert's offences.
In a matter so nice, If I'm ask'd my advice, I say copy King Henry to obviate that, And stick something remarkable up in your hat!
Next, observe, in this world where we've so many cheats, How useful it is to preserve your receipts! If you deal with a person whose truth you don't doubt, Be particular, still, that your bill is cross'd out; But, with any inducement to think him a scamp, Have a formal receipt on a regular stamp!
Let every gay gallant my story who notes, Take warning, and not go on "sowing wild oats!" Nor depend that some friend Will always attend, And by "making all right" bring him off in the end; He may be mistaken, so let him beware, St. Thomas à Beckets are now rather rare.
Last of all, may'rs and magistrates, never be rude To juries! they are people who won't be pooh-pooh'd! Especially Sandwich ones—no one can say But himself may come under their clutches one day; They then may pay off In kind any scoff, And, turning their late verdict quite "wisey wersey" "Acquit you," and not "recommend you to mercy."[75]
FOOTNOTES:
[73] Cantise for "is not;" St. Thomas, it seems, had lived long enough in the country to pick up a few of its provincialisms.
[74] Nec satis fuit eis sanguine sacerdotis et nece ecclesiam prophanare, nisi, coronâ capitis amputatâ, funestis gladiis jam defuncti ejicerent cerebrum.—Matt, Paris.