[75] At a Quarter Sessions held at Sandwich, (some six miles from Birchington,) on Tuesday the 8th of April last, before W. F. Boteler, Esq., the recorder, Thomas Jones, mariner, aged 17, was tried for stealing a jacket, value ten shillings. The jury, after a patient hearing, found him "not guilty," and "recommended him to mercy."—See the whole case reported in the "Kentish Observer," April 10, 1845.
[THE KNIGHT AND THE LADY.]
A DOMESTIC LEGEND OF THE REIGN OF QUEEN ANNE.
"Hail, wedded love! mysterious tie!" Thomson—or Somebody.
The Lady Jane was tall and slim, The Lady Jane was fair, And Sir Thomas, her Lord, was stout of limb, But his cough was short, and his eyes were dim, And he wore green "specs," with a tortoiseshell rim, And his hat was remarkably broad in the brim, And she was uncommonly fond of him,— And they were a loving pair!— And the name and the fame Of the Knight and his Dame Were ev'rywhere hail'd with the loudest acclaim; And wherever they went, or wherever they came, Far and wide, The people cried, Huzza! for the Lord of this noble domain,— Huzza! Huzza! Huzza!—once again!— Encore!—Encore!— One cheer more!— —All sorts of pleasure, and no sort of pain To Sir Thomas the Good, and the Fair Lady Jane!!
Now Sir Thomas the Good, Be it well understood, Was a man of a very contemplative mood,— He would pore by the hour, O'er a weed, or a flower, Or the slugs that come crawling out after a shower; Black-beetles, and Bumble-bees,—Blue-bottle flies, And Moths were of no small account in his eyes; An "Industrious Flea" he'd by no means despise, While an "Old Daddy-long-legs," whose "long legs" and thighs Pass'd the common in shape, or in colour, or size, He was wont to consider an absolute prize. Nay, a hornet or wasp he could scarce "keep his paws off"—he Gave up, in short, Both business and sport, And abandon'd himself, tout entier, to Philosophy.
Now, as Lady Jane was tall and slim, And Lady Jane was fair, And a good many years the junior of him,— And as he, All agree, Look'd less like her Mari, As he walk'd by her side, than her Père,[76] There are some might be found entertaining a notion That such an entire and exclusive devotion To that part of science, folks style Entomology, Was a positive shame, And, to such a fair Dame, Really demanded some sort of apology; —No doubt, it would vex One half of the sex To see their own husband, in horrid green "specs," Instead of enjoying a sociable chat, Still poking his nose into this and to that, At a gnat, or a bat, or a cat, or a rat, Or great ugly things, All legs and wings, With nasty long tails arm'd with nasty longs stings; And they'd join such a log of a spouse to condemn, —One eternally thinking, And blinking, and winking At grubs,—when he ought to be winking at them.— But no!—oh no! 'Twas by no means so With the Lady Jane Ingoldsby—she, far discreeter, And, having a temper more even and sweeter, Would never object to Her spouse, in respect to His poking and peeping After "things creeping;" Much less be still keeping lamenting, and weeping, Or scolding at what she perceived him so deep in.
Tout au contraire, No lady so fair Was e'er known to wear more contented an air; And,—let who would call,—every day she was there, Propounding receipts for some delicate fare, Some toothsome conserve, of quince, apple, or pear, Or distilling strong waters,—or potting a hare,— Or counting her spoons and her crockery-ware;— Or else, her tambour-frame before her, with care Embroidering a stool or a back for a chair, With needle-work roses, most cunning and rare, Enough to make less-gifted visitors stare, And declare, where'er They had been, that, "they ne'er In their lives had seen aught that at all could compare With dear Lady Jane's housewifery—that they would swear."