As has been said, a woman is expected to call on her friends once a year at least. The "Day at Home" has rather gone out of fashion. It imposed an obligation on the hostess which often proved irksome, interfering with engagements she might wish to make. If, however, one has "a day," her friends should so far as possible observe it.
Time and Manner.—The time limit of a call is fifteen or twenty minutes, not to exceed the latter. This is the protection society affords us from bores. We can endure even the most tiresome of visitors for fifteen minutes.
If one does not wish to see callers, the maid or whoever answers the door should be so informed; the conventional "Not at home" being perfectly proper; it is merely a polite way of saying it is not convenient to receive anyone. But for the maid to say "I will see, if Mrs. A is at home," and return to say she is not at home or not receiving, is a grave discourtesy. Nor should one keep a visitor waiting while she makes an elaborate toilette; better say "Not at home." The call counts as a visit whether the lady is at home or not, and must be returned. It is not customary to invite a visitor to be seated, to come again, or urge a longer stay. It is supposed she will take the initiative in these particulars; and too, that the fact that the two exchange visits warrants a certain wontedness of habit. Still, among intimates it is by no means unusual for the hostess to say "Do come again soon; I always enjoy you so much I should be glad to see more of you," or for the departing visitor to say: "I shall hope to have the pleasure of seeing you at my home soon."
Men's Demeanor.—A man calling upon a lady either takes his hat and stick into the reception room with him, or deposits them in the hall; she does not instruct him what disposition to make of them. He removes his overcoat of his own volition, or retains it, as he pleases; the lady does not suggest its removal. This is the strict letter of etiquette. As a matter of fact, many a man would feel snubbed, and the hostess that she failed in cordiality, if she failed to invite him to lay aside his coat. One must be governed by the customs of one's circle. It is safe to say that unless it is a first call, which is the most formal, in our middle social stratum a man expects, if he is welcome, to be asked to remove his overcoat.
A man waits for the woman to invite him to call, since it is her privilege to choose her acquaintances. Such an invitation should not be given too hastily, nor too soon after a first introduction. It is well not to show too much eagerness to cultivate the acquaintance, and the woman should be reasonably sure that the man is desirous of having the pleasure. If invited, he should avail himself of the permission within a short time, by way of showing his appreciation of the compliment. Young girls do not invite young men to call on them; this is their mother's prerogative.
It is more correct in these days when everyone has a telephone, to call up and inquire whether it will be convenient for the lady to receive callers, unless, of course, one is paying duty calls, in which case a card discharges the obligation.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 691]
"Pour Prendre Conge."—In taking leave, it is well not to wait until one has exhausted the conversational gamut, and "that awful pause" in which neither seems to have anything to say, occurs. And having risen, do not "stand upon the order of your going;" do not linger for last words, or begin a fresh topic at the door, keeping your hostess standing and perhaps detaining her from other guests. "Parting is such sweet sorrow" in some cases that it becomes awkward and embarrassing because so prolonged. Especially does it seem difficult for the youth who has not yet attained the aplomb which makes him at ease in society, to "tear himself away." Remember that a too abrupt departure, though regrettable, is better than one too prolonged.
Girls' Manners.—When the young girl accompanies her mother on a calling expedition, she waits for the latter to take the initiative in regard to departure. She must allow the older person to precede her in entering and leaving, and she must be careful not to monopolize the conversation. Good manners give precedence to age.
"P. p. c."—The social novice is sometimes puzzled by "P. p. c." written in the lower corner of a card. The letters stand for the French phrase, "Pour prendre conge"—to take leave. Such cards are sent when one is to be absent from home for a considerable period. They are left to be mailed after departure. Thus the intending traveler is not incommoded by well-meant but ill-timed calls at an hour when she is most busy. "P. p. c." cards intimate the acquaintance is to be resumed on the sender's return.