Army Rifle—Something eternally dirty which must be kept eternally clean.
Bayonet—A long, sharp, pointed object whose only satisfactory resting place is the midriff of a Hun.
Pay-day—1. A "movable feast." 2. A time for cancellation of debts. 3. The date of the return of the laundry one sent away a month and a half before.
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THIS REALLY HAPPENED.
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End of letter: "Goodbye, my dear, for the present. Yours, Jack." Then—"x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x. P. S. I hope the censor doesn't object to those crosses."
Added by Friend Censor: "Certainly not! x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x!"
KISS FOR RESCUER
OF PIG FROM BLAZE
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A Beantown Fire-Fighter
Hero of Epoch-Making
Conflagration.
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"Weee-ah-eeeeeee-ah-eeeeeee!"
Private John Doe, late of the Boston fire department, knew something was up when, on a certain Sunday morning not long ago, he heard that sound issuing from the second story of the house-barn in which his command was billeted. Also he saw a thin streamer of smoke, no bigger than Rhode Island, winding its way out of the house-barn door. He sniffed, then hollered "Fire!"
"Fire?" echoed some of his bunk mates, coming up the road. Fire? How could there be fire in a country where not even sulphurous language served to start the kitchen kindlings? How could there be fire in a country where only every other match will light at all, at all?