"God helps the man who helps himself to his neighbor's house and his field and his unprotected women.
"These don't sound right, do they?
"The old ones that we learned first of all are not yet out of date.
"Suppose we don't revise them."
——
GLORIFIED.
——
(With apologies to the late Sir W.
S. Gilbert.)
——
When I was a lad I served a term
In a military school—how it made me squirm!
I wore a shako, and a lot of braid.
And I startled fire horses when on dress parade;
But they took all glory away from me
As a second lieut. a-wearing of my plain O. D.
When I went to college, I was gayly clad
In a sporty costume made of shepherd's plaid;
I tried pink neckties and vermillion socks,
And when I went out walking, I set back the clocks.
But when I took Uncle Sam's degree
I was nothing but a second lieut. in plain O. D.
In business, too, I made quite a splurge
In a nobby garment made of ultra-serge;
With rings and watchfob and a stickpin, too,
I could show all the dandies of the town a few—
So think what a comedown 'twas for me
As a second lieut. a-wearing of my plain O. D.
But now, however, they have gone so far
As to place on my shoulderstrap a neat gold bar,
And they've sewn a dido on my overcoat,
Which, while it lends distinction, nearly gets my goat;
So now, at last, you can plainly see
I'm a second lieut. no longer clad in plain O. D.!
I'm proud, believe me, of those new gold bars—
I wouldn't swap 'em for the General's stars;
And the little stripe upon my blouse's sleeve
Means that nevermore for splendor shall my young soul grieve,—
For bars and braid, you can plainly see,
Make an awful lot of difference on plain O. D.!