Whatever Oswald’s reasons for going to the Soviet Union might have been, however, there can be little doubt that his desire to go was quite strong. In addition to studying the Russian language while he was in the Marines, Oswald had managed to save enough money to cover the expenses of his forthcoming trip. While there is no proof that he saved $1,500, as he claimed, it would have taken considerable discipline to save whatever amount was required to finance his defection out of the salary of a low ranking enlisted man.[C7-171]
The extent of Oswald’s desire to go to the Soviet Union and of his initial commitment to that country can best be understood, however, in the context of his concomitant hatred of the United States, which was most clearly expressed in his November 26, 1959, letter to his brother Robert. Addressing himself to the question of why “I and my fellow workers and communist’s would like to see the present capitalist government of the U.S. overthrown” Oswald stated that that government supported an economic system “which exploits all its workers” and under which “art, culture and the sprit of man are subjected to commercial enterpraising, [and] religion and education are used as a tool to surpress what would otherwise be a population questioning their government’s unfair economic system and plans for war.”[C7-172]
He complained in his letter about segregation, unemployment, automation, and the use of military forces to suppress other populations. Asking his brother why he supported the American Government and what ideals he put forward, Oswald wrote:
Ask me and I will tell you I fight for communism. * * * I will not say your grandchildren will live under communism, look for yourself at history, look at a world map! America is a dieing country, I do not wish to be a part of it, nor do I ever again wish to be used as a tool in its military aggressions.
This should ansewer your question, and also give you a glimpse of my way of thinking.
So you speak of advantages. Do you think that is why I am here? For personal, material advantages? Happiness is not based on oneself, it does not consist of a small home, of taking and getting, Happiness is taking part in the struggle, where there is no borderline between one’s own personal world, and the world in general. I never believed I would find more material advantages at this stage of development in the Soviet Union than I might of had in the U.S.
* * * * *
I have been a pro-communist for years and yet I have never met a communist, instead I kept silent and observed, and what I observed plus my Marx’ist learning brought me here to the Soviet Union. I have always considered this country to be my own.[C7-173]
Responding to Robert’s statement that he had not “renounced” him, Oswald told his brother “on what terms I want this arrangement.” He advised Robert that:
1. In the event of war I would kill any american who put a uniform on in defence of the american government—any american.
2. That in my own mind I have no attachment’s of any kind in the U.S.
3. That I want to, and I shall, live a normal happy and peaceful life here in the Soviet Union for the rest of my life.
4. that my mother and you are (in spite of what the newspaper said) not objects of affection, but only examples of workers in the U.S.[C7-174]
Despite this commitment to the Soviet Union Oswald met disappointments there just as he had in the past. At the outset the Soviets told him that he could not remain. It seems that Oswald immediately attempted suicide—a striking indication of how much he desired to remain in the Soviet Union.[C7-175] It shows how willing he was to act dramatically and decisively when he faced an emotional crisis with few readily available alternatives at hand. He was shocked to find that the Soviet Union did not accept him with open arms. The entry in his self-styled “Historic Diary” for October 21, 1959, reports:
I am shocked!! My dreams! * * * I have waited for 2 year to be accepted. My fondes dreams are shattered because of a petty offial, * * * I decide to end it. Soak rist in cold water to numb the pain. Than slash my leftwrist. Than plaug wrist into bathtum of hot water. * * * Somewhere, a violin plays, as I wacth my life whirl away. I think to myself “How easy to Die” and “A Sweet Death, (to violins) * * *”[C7-176]