A Satire Anthology

by Unknown

“The Evolution of a Name,” by Charles Battell Loomis, is quoted from “Just Rhymes,” Copyright, 1899, by R. H. Russell.

“He and She,” by Eugene Fitch Ware, is published by permission of G. P. Putnam’s Sons.

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CONTENTS

		Page
Chorus of Women	Aristophanes	[3]
A Would-Be Literary Bore	Horace	[4]
The Wish for Length of Life	Juvenal	[6]
The Ass’s Legacy	Ruteboeuf	[7]
A Ballade of Old-Time Ladies (Translated by John Payne).	François Villon	[11]
A Carman’s Account of a Lawsuit	Sir David Lyndsay	[12]
The Soul’s Errand	Sir Walter Raleigh	[13]
Of a Certain Man	Sir John Harrington	[16]
A Precise Tailor	Sir John Harrington	[16]
The Will	John Donne	[18]
From “King Henry IV”	William Shakespeare	[20]
From “Love’s Labour’s Lost”	William Shakespeare	[21]
From “As You Like It”	William Shakespeare	[22]
Horace Concocting An Ode	Thomas Dekker	[23]
On Don Surly	Ben Jonson	[24]
The Scholar and His Dog	John Marston	[25]
The Manly Heart	George Wither	[26]
The Constant Lover	Sir John Suckling	[27]
The Remonstrance	Sir John Suckling	[28]
Saintship versus Conscience	Samuel Butler	[29]
Description of Holland	Samuel Butler	[30]
The Religion of Hudibras	Samuel Butler	[31]
Satire on the Scots	John Cleiveland	[32]
Song	Richard Lovelace	[34]
The Character of Holland	Andrew Marvell	[35]
The Duke of Buckingham	John Dryden	[37]
On Shadwell	John Dryden	[38]
Satire on Edward Howard	Charles Sackville, Earl of Dorset	[39]
St. Anthony’s Sermon to the Fishes	Abraham á Sancta Clara	[39]
Introduction to the True-Born Englishman	Daniel Defoe	[41]
An Epitaph	Matthew Prior	[43]
The Remedy Worse than the Disease	Matthew Prior	[45]
Twelve Articles	Jonathan Swift	[46]
The Furniture of a Woman’s Mind	Jonathan Swift	[48]
From “The Love of Fame”	Edward Young	[50]
Dr. Delany’s Villa	Thomas Sheridan	[52]
The Quidnunckis	John Gay	[54]
The Sick Man and the Angel	John Gay	[55]
Sandys’ Ghost	Alexander Pope	[57]
From “The Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot”	Alexander Pope	[60]
The Three Black Crows	John Byrom	[63]
An Epitaph	George John Cayley	[64]
An Epistle to Sir Robert Walpole	Henry Fielding	[65]
The Public Breakfast	Christopher Anstey	[67]
An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog	Oliver Goldsmith	[72]
On Smollett	Charles Churchill	[73]
The Uncertain Man	William Cowper	[74]
A Faithful Picture of Ordinary Society	William Cowper	[74]
On Johnson	John Wolcott (Peter Pindar)	[75]
To Boswell	John Wolcott (Peter Pindar)	[76]
The Hen	Matt. Claudius	[77]
Let Us All be Unhappy Together	Charles Dibdin	[78]
The Friar of Orders Gray	John O’Keefe	[79]
The Country Squire	Tomas Yriarte	[80]
The Eggs	Tomas Yriarte	[82]
The Literary Lady	Richard Brinsley Sheridan	[84]
Sly Lawyers	George Crabbe	[85]
Reporters	George Crabbe	[85]
Address to the Unco Guid, or the Rigidly Righteous	Robert Burns	[86]
Holy Willie’s Prayer	Robert Burns	[88]
Kitty of Coleraine	Edward Lysaght	[91]
The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder	George Canning	[92]
Nora’s Vow	Sir Walter Scott	[94]
Job	Samuel T. Coleridge	[95]
Cologne	Samuel T. Coleridge	[96]
Giles’s Hope	Samuel T. Coleridge	[96]
The Battle of Blenheim	Robert Southey	[97]
The Well of St. Keyne	Robert Southey	[99]
The Poet of Fashion	James Smith	[101]
Christmas Out of Town	James Smith	[103]
Eternal London	Thomas Moore	[105]
The Modern Puffing System	Thomas Moore	[106]
Lying	Thomas Moore	[108]
The King of Yvetot (Version of W. M. Thackeray)	Pierre Jean de Béranger	[109]
Sympathy	Reginald Heber	[111]
A Modest Wit	Selleck Osborn	[112]
The Philosopher’s Scales	Jane Taylor	[114]
From “The Feast of the Poets”	James Henry Leigh Hunt	[116]
Rich and Poor; or, Saint and Sinner	Thomas L. Peacock	[117]
Mr. Barney Maguire’s Account of the Coronation	Richard Harris Barham	[119]
From “The Devil’s Drive”	Lord Byron	[123]
From “English Bards and Scotch Reviewers”	Lord Byron	[125]
To Woman	Lord Byron	[126]
A Country House Party	Lord Byron	[127]
Greediness Punished	Friedrich Rückert	[130]
Woman	Fitz-Greene Halleck	[132]
The Rich and the Poor Man (From the Russian of Kremnitzer)	Sir John Bowring	[132]
Ozymandias	Percy Bysshe Shelley	[134]
Cui Bono	Thomas Carlyle	[135]
Father-Land and Mother Tongue	Samuel Lover	[135]
Father Molloy	Samuel Lover	[136]
Gaffer Gray (From “Hugh Trevor”)	Thomas Holcroft	[139]
Cockle v. Cackle	Thomas Hood	[140]
Our Village	Thomas Hood	[145]
The Devil at Home (From “The Devil’s Progress”)	Thomas Kibble Hervey	[149]
How to Make a Novel	Lord Charles Neaves	[150]
Two Characters	Henry Taylor	[151]
The Sailor’s Consolation	William Pitt	[152]
Verses on seeing the Speaker asleep in his Chair during One of the Debates of the First Reformed Parliament	Winthrop M. Praed	[154]
Pelters of Pyramids	Richard Hengist Horne	[155]
The Annuity	George Outram	[156]
Malbrouck	Translated by Father Prout	[161]
A Man’s Requirements	Elizabeth Barrett Browning	[163]
Critics	Elizabeth Barrett Browning	[164]
The Miser	Edward Fitzgerald	[166]
Cacoëthes Scribendi	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[166]
A Familiar Letter to Several Correspondents	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[167]
Contentment	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[171]
How to Make a Man of Consequence	Mark Lemon	[173]
The Widow Malone	Charles Lever	[173]
The Pauper’s Drive	T. Noel	[175]
On Lytton	Alfred Tennyson	[177]
Sorrows of Werther	William Makepeace Thackeray	[178]
Mr. Molony’s Account of the Ball Given to the Nepaulese Ambassador by the Peninsular and Oriental Company	William Makepeace Thackeray	[179]
Damages, Two Hundred Pounds	William Makepeace Thackeray	[182]
The Lost Leader	Robert Browning	[186]
The Pope and the Net	Robert Browning	[188]
Soliloquy of the Spanish Cloister	Robert Browning	[190]
Cynical Ode to an Ultra-Cynical Public	Charles Mackay	[192]
The Great Critics	Charles Mackay	[193]
The Laureate	William E. Aytoun	[194]
Woman’s Will	John Godfrey Saxe	[196]
The Mourner á la Mode	John Godfrey Saxe	[197]
There is no God	Arthur Hugh Clough	[199]
The Latest Decalogue	Arthur Hugh Clough	[200]
From “A Fable for Critics”	James Russell Lowell	[201]
The Pious Editor’s Creed	James Russell Lowell	[206]
Revelry in India	Bartholomew Dowling	[210]
A Fragment	Grace Greenwood	[212]
Nothing to Wear	William Allen Butler	[213]
A Review (The Inn Album, By Robert Browning)	Bayard Taylor	[221]
The Positivists	Mortimer Collins	[224]
Sky-Making	Mortimer Collins	[226]
My Lord Tomnoddy	Robert Barnabas Brough	[227]
Hiding the Skeleton	George Meredith	[229]
Midges	Robert Bulwer Lytton	[230]
The Schoolmaster Abroad with his Son	Charles Stuart Calverley	[233]
Of Propriety	Charles Stuart Calverley	[235]
Peace. A Study	Charles Stuart Calverley	[236]
All Saints	Edmund Yates	[237]
Fame’s Penny Trumpet	Lewis Carroll	[238]
The Diamond Wedding	Edmund Clarence Stedman	[240]
True to Poll	Frank C. Burnand	[247]
Sleep On	W. S. Gilbert	[249]
To the Terrestrial Globe, By a Miserable Wretch	W. S. Gilbert	[250]
The Ape and the Lady	W. S. Gilbert	[250]
Anglicised Utopia	W. S. Gilbert	[252]
Etiquette	W. S. Gilbert	[254]
The Æsthete	W. S. Gilbert	[260]
Too Late	Fitz-Hugh Ludlow	[261]
Life in Laconics	Mary Mapes Dodge	[263]
Distiches	John Hay	[264]
The Poet and the Critics	Austin Dobson	[265]
The Love Letter	Austin Dobson	[267]
Fame	James Herbert Morse	[269]
Five Lives	Edward Rowland Sill	[270]
He and She	Eugene Fitch Ware	[272]
What Will We Do?	Robert J. Burdette	[272]
The Tool	Richard Watson Gilder	[273]
Give Me a Theme	Richard Watson Gilder	[274]
The Poem, To the Critic	Richard Watson Gilder	[274]
Ballade of Literary Fame	A. Lang	[274]
Chorus of Anglomaniacs (From The Buntling Ball)	Edgar Fawcett	[275]
The Net of Law	James Jeffrey Roche	[277]
A Boston Lullaby	James Jeffrey Roche	[277]
The V-A-S-E	James Jeffrey Roche	[278]
Thursday	Frederick E. Weatherly	[280]
A Bird in the Hand	Frederick E. Weatherly	[281]
An Advanced Thinker	Brander Matthews	[282]
A Thought	J. K. Stephen	[283]
A Sonnet	J. K. Stephen	[284]
They Said	Edith M. Thomas	[284]
To R. K.	J. K. Stephen	[286]
To Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra	R. K. Munkittrick	[287]
What’s in a Name	R. K. Munkittrick	[288]
Wed	H. C. Bunner	[289]
Atlantic City	H. C. Bunner	[290]
The Font in the Forest	Herman Knickerbocker Vielé	[294]
The Origin of Sin	Samuel Walter Foss	[294]
A Philosopher	Samuel Walter Foss	[295]
The Fate of Pious Dan	Samuel Walter Foss	[298]
The Meeting of the Clabberhuses	Samuel Walter Foss	[300]
Wedded Bliss	Charlotte Perkins (Stetson) Gilman	[303]
A Conservative	Charlotte Perkins (Stetson) Gilman	[304]
Same Old Story	Harry B. Smith	[306]
Hem and Haw	Bliss Carman	[307]
The Sceptics	Bliss Carman	[308]
The Evolution of a “Name”	Charles Battell Loomis	[310]
“The Hurt that Honour Feels”	Owen Seaman	[310]
John Jenkins	Anthony C. Deane	[313]
A Certain Cure	Anthony C. Deane	[316]
The Beauties of Nature (A Fragment from an Unpublished Epic)	Anthony C. Deane	[317]
Paradise. A Hindoo Legend	George Birdseye	[319]
Hoch! der Kaiser	Rodney Blake	[320]
On a Magazine Sonnet	Russell Hilliard Loines	[321]
Earth	Oliver Herford	[321]
A Butterfly of Fashion	Oliver Herford	[322]
General Summary	Rudyard Kipling	[324]
The Conundrum of the Workshops	Rudyard Kipling	[326]
Extracts from the Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne	Gelett Burgess	[328]
Ballade of Expansion	Hilda Johnson	[331]
Friday Afternoon at the Boston Symphony Hall	Faulkner Armytage	[332]
War is Kind	Stephen Crane	[336]
Lines	Stephen Crane	[337]
From “The House of a Hundred Lights”	Frederic Ridgely Torrence	[340]
The British Visitor	From The Troliopiad	[343]
A Match	Punch	[343]
Wanted a Governess	Anonymous	[346]
Lines by an Old Fogy	Anonymous	[348]

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INTRODUCTION

SATIRE, though a form of literature familiar to everyone, is difficult to define. Partaking variously of sarcasm, irony, ridicule, and burlesque, it is exactly synonymous with no one of these.