Toastmaster (to chairman of public dinner)—“Would you like to propose your toast now, my lord, or should we let ’em enjoy themselves a bit longer?”
A visitor to a Sunday-school was asked to address a few remarks to the children. He took the familiar theme of the children who mocked Elisha on his journey to Bethel—how the youngsters taunted the poor old prophet and how they were punished when two she bears came out of the wood and ate forty-and-two of them. “And now, children,” said he, wishing to learn if his talk had produced any moral effect, “what does this story show?” “Please, sir,” came from a little girl well down in the front, “it shows how many children two she bears can hold.”
A curate who had left his parish on account of the attentions of his lady parishioners, meeting his successor one day in the street asked him how he got on in his new position. “Very well indeed,” returned the other. “But are not the ladies rather pressing in their attentions?” “Oh, my dear fellow, I manage that all right, I find safety in Numbers.” “I see,” returned his companion, “well, I found safety in Exodus.”
“I want some collars for my husband,” said a lady in a department store, “but I am afraid I have forgotten the size.”
“Thirteen and a half, ma’am?” suggested the clerk.