UNSATISFACTORY OFFICER
They were about the rawest lot of recruits the sergeant had ever tackled. He worked hard for a couple of hours, and at last, thinking he had them licked into shape, he decided to test them.
“Right turn!” he barked; then, before they had ceased to move, barked again, “Left turn!”
One burly yokel slowly left the ranks and made off towards the barracks.
“Here, you!” yelled the sergeant, angrily, “where are you off to?”
“Ah’ve had enough on’t,” replied the recruit, in disgusted tones. “Tha dissent knaw thee arn mind two minutes stright running.”
PERPETUAL MOTION
“Excuse me, but do you mind keeping your dog indoors at night till the war is over?”
“Why?” said the surprised dog-owner to the stranger.
“Well, your dog’s barking sounds just like a ‘special’ boy shouting in the distance. My wife’s got two brothers at the front, and every time she hears your dog she sends me racing down to get the ‘special,’ and says I’ve been too stupid to catch the boy.”